In this article, we will look at the signs he is using you for a place to live.
You have met this amazing guy and have been dating for a while. You think he is the one for you. Finally, God has answered your prayers.
However, after dating for a few weeks, he tells you he is going through a rough patch and needs a place to crash before he gets on his feet.
He is a nice guy, and you like him, so you figure, what could it hurt, right?
You allow him to bring his things into your apartment. However, after a while, things don’t seem to be going as well as you thought. You start thinking he is suing you for a place to live.
It is devastating when you think the person you like doesn’t like you and is only using you for a place to live.
If this is you, you need to know the signs he is using you for a place to live to protect your emotional well-being and figure out a way forward.
Signs He Is Using You For A Place To Live
If you feel your boyfriend is using you for a place to live, you should know for sure before confronting him.
Here are signs he is using you for a place to live.
1. He Doesn’t Contribute
One of the major signs he is using for a place to live is a lack of contribution to the running of the household.
When you invite him to live in your place, you expect he will pitch in with the household expenses and chores.
However, if he lives with you and doesn’t contribute anything to the household, he may be suing you for a place to live.
In a household, you expect your partner to contribute something. So, if he doesn’t help you with cooking, cleaning, and shopping, and you have to force him to take out the trash, he is using you for a place to live.
Moreover, if he is using you for a place to live, he will just laze around the house and use your things without as much as lifting a finger to know where they come from.
He will eat your food, use your products, and never contribute to buying them.
If he is using you for a place to live, you will ask him to contribute to the household, and he will disregard all your pleas.
He acts like a guest in the house. He doesn’t even help you pay the rent.
Even if he pays rent, he should contribute to the running of the household. It’s unfair for only one person to do everything in the house.
So, if your boyfriend avoids paying rent, bills and grocery shopping, he is using you for a place to stay.
2. He Is Not Affectionate
When you asked him to move in with you, you thought it was a good idea because he was good to you and charming.
However, he is no longer affectionate to you after he moved in, and if he was affectionate, he is distant. He is never available when you need him and is only affectionate to you when he needs something.
Sometimes you may think you are being paranoid and seeing your own things. But his actions are inconsistent if he is using you for a place to live. He blows hot and cold according to his needs.
When he is using you for a place to live, he will manipulate you to get what he wants.
He will only care about you and your problems when he wants something; after he gets it, he goes back to being cold and distant.
3. He Is Always Broke
If your boyfriend is always broke, he is using you for a place to live. If he is always broke, he will not afford rent and living expenses to live independently.
He will always depend on someone to cater for his living expenses.
If your boyfriend is always broke, even if he works, he must rely on someone to live, and the bat falls on you. He is using you for a place to live if he is always broke.
4. He Doesn’t Want To Work
If your boyfriend is living with you and doesn’t want to work, he is using you for a place to live.
With the cost of living skyrocketing, you can’t survive without a job unless you are a trust fund child. It is hard even for people with jobs to survive.
So, if he doesn’t have a job or doesn’t want to work, he is using you for a place to live because he can’t afford rent or other living expenses.
It is hard enough to take care of yourself with your salary, and now you have another person to feed and cater to.
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work for whatever reason, he is using you for a place to live. He just hopes you won’t realize it.
5. He Doesn’t Care About Your Living Situation
If your boyfriend doesn’t care about your living situation, he is only using you for a place to live.
When you live with someone, you should at least ask about the rent so you can contribute. If not, ask to contribute to the other expenses in the household.
If he doesn’t care how much you pay for rent or how much the household expenses are, he is using you for a place to live.
Moreover, if he is using you for a place to live, he will not care about the living situation. He will never tidy the house or do anything to make the house homely.
He doesn’t care how the living situation is as long as he has a place to live. You may have a cat pee all over the house, and he wouldn’t care because he has nowhere else to go.
6. He Doesn’t Like Spending Time At Home
If he is using you for a place to stay, he will not like spending time at home. He is not interested in spending time with you.
He would rather spend time with his friends or go out on the town instead of coming home to you. He treats your house as a hotel room where he comes to shower, sleep and keep his things.
If he loved you, he would love spending time with you. Living with you would be a dream come true, but now he is just there for what he can get from you, a roof over his head.
7. He Doesn’t Talk About The Future Of Your Relationship
When you live with your boyfriend, you expect him to talk about the future of your relationship.
After all, you have already taken a major step forward in the relationship by moving in together.
However, if he is using you for a place to live, he will never talk about the relationship’s future because there is no future.
If every time you bring up a topic about the future, he evades it or changes the topic. This is a huge red flag; he is using you for a place to live.
According to psychologist Dr. Susan Kraus Whitbourne, avoiding discussions about the future can indicate a lack of commitment.
So, if he is using you for a place to live, he will avoid talking about the future.
8. He Is Not Interested In The Growth Of The Relationship
When you live with your boyfriend, you are forgiven for thinking it will lead to the growth of your relationship.
However, if he is using you for a place to live, he will not be interested in growing your relationship.
He will not be emotionally intimate with you and only open up to you when he needs something.
Dr. John M. Grohol says partners should actively invest in emotional connection to sustain a healthy relationship.
However, your boyfriend will avoid deep conversations or emotional intimacies because he is using you for a place to live.
If your boyfriend is using you for a place to live, he will concentrate on the aspects of living together and neglect the emotional part of the relationship.
Basically, he is a roommate with sexual privileges.
9. He Is Not Interested In Your Life
If he is using you for a place to live, he will not be interested in your life. When you live with your boyfriend, you expect he will take an interest in your life. Ask you about your family, friends, and work.
However, if he is using you for a place to live, he will never ask you about your life. If you offer to hang out with your friends, he will not want to meet your friends or family.
He knows this is a short-term commitment and doesn’t want to drag more people into the mess he will create when he leaves.
When he is using you for a place to stay, he will avoid talking to you about anything in your life, you may be living together, and he doesn’t know where you work or school.
He is not interested in knowing you, he will avoid talking about anything to do with your life, and you may feel like he is forcing himself to love you.
You are right; he is only with you to have a roof over his head.
10. He Never Takes You On Proper Dates
If your boyfriend is using you for a place to live, he will avoid paying for anything. He doesn’t put any effort into showing you he can take care of you.
He will never take you on a proper date. Even if someone is broke and they love you, they will make an effort to treat you to a proper date occasionally.
However, if he lives rent-free in your house and won’t take you on a date once in a while, he is using you.
11. He Pockets You
If he is using you for a place to live, he will pocket you. He will never let you meet his family, friends, or someone who knows him.
He doesn’t really like you and is only using you, so he will not let anyone know you are together.
Ana Jovanovic, a psychologist and life coach, says, “Pocketing is a situation where a person you’re dating avoids or hesitates to introduce you to their friends, family or other people they know, in-person or on social media, even though you’ve been going out for a while. Your relationship seems non-existent to the public eye.”
If he is using you for a place to live, he won’t want anyone in his circle to know you.
For all you know, he may have lied about his living situation and thinks you will spill the beans.
Moreover, someone who uses you for a place to live doesn’t love you. He doesn’t see you as girlfriend material.
He knows the arrangement is short-term and doesn’t want to answer questions about your whereabouts from family and friends, so he keeps you hidden.
12 He Doesn’t Look For A Place To Live
If your boyfriend has been living with you for several months and is not attempting to get his own place, he is using you for a place to live.
You should not overstay your welcome when you live with someone for a while. Look for a place of your own.
However, if he is still living with you for months or years and does not contribute to the rent, he is enjoying the free ride.
If he wants to live with you indefinitely, he should make things official, but no. He is just there for rent-free accommodation and free sex.
If your boyfriend won’t make things official and doesn’t attempt to look for a place to live, he is using you.
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What’s Next?
If he is using you for a place to live, talk to him about it. Tell him the arrangement is no longer working. If he wants to continue living with you, he has to pay rent.
It is also important to know your worth. You deserve someone who loves and cares for you, not one using you for a place to live.
It is time to break up with him and get yourself someone who loves you for you.
If he doesn’t accept to pay rent and contribute to the household expenses and chores, evict him. You don’t need this pressure in your life. Life is hard enough with one income for one person.
Bottom Line
It is heartbreaking to realize your man is using you for a place to live. There are many signs he is using you for a place to live.
They include; he doesn’t contribute to the household, is always broke, doesn’t want to work, and is not affectionate.
Moreover, if he doesn’t spend time at home, doesn’t care about the living situation, or isn’t interested in your life, he is using you for a place to live.
If he is using you for a place to live, he will never take you on proper dates, look for his own place, and will pocket you.
If you are in this situation, you should talk to him and tell him to contribute to the rent and household expenses.
If he doesn’t, it is time to evict and break up with him. You deserve someone who loves you for you and not one using you for a place to live.
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto: https://www.pexels.com/photo/multiracial-couple-communicating-in-new-light-bedroom-4246066/