If you are wondering why your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, this article will shed some light on why and what you can do about it.
When you get into a relationship, you want to get someone who is there for you and supports you through everything you do.
However, sometimes you are not always lucky to have someone to help you.
Many men do not want to do housework and may get mad when you ask them to clean. So, if your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, you are not alone.
According to Dr. Sharone Wellfried, a clinical psychologist, the division of chores is the most common argument among couples, especially women in relationships with men.
It is quite frustrating when your boyfriend refuses to help you around the house, and worse if he gets mad when you ask him to clean.
After all, it is not too much to ask; you are not asking him to do anything strenuous.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Gets Mad When You Ask Him To Clean
It is unfortunate and confusing when your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean. A relationship is about supporting and helping each other, and house chores are just a part of this help you need.
So, if your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, here are some possible reasons.
1. Perception Of Gender Roles
If your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, it could be because of the perception of gender role expectations.
Society expects women to do most household chores while men are expected to work and provide for the family.
So, if your boyfriend believes in these social expectations, he may feel it is not his place to clean or do household chores.
Moreover, if he grew up in a home where men never did any of the cleanings, he would have a hard time accepting this new norm.
Some men see doing household chores as a way of saying they are not fulfilling their manly duties.
Julie de Azevedo Hanks, a therapist, explains, “If the underlying message is that he is not fulfilling his role as a man, that can be a very painful message for men to hear. It taps into very deep insecurities about masculinity and self-worth.”
For instance, I have heard of men who will not set foot in the kitchen because it is the woman’s place. He will not lift a finger to help the woman clean because “it is not his job.”
This is sad because people expect the woman to work and still come home and do the house chores and take care of the kids, if any, while the man only goes to work and won’t do anything at home and expects the woman to be at his every beck and call.
2. Lack Of Communication
Communication is the key to every successful relationship. So, if you do not want to spend most of your time in a therapist’s office trying to solve your issues, learn to communicate with your boyfriend.
If your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, have a proper conversation. Tell him what you expect from him when you move in together, and ask him to state his expectations too.
Division of chores is one of the most important conversations couples should have because it creates a lot of arguments.
According to a survey by Yelp, 80% of people living together have disagreements about household chores, with 48% arguing about who should do them.
Proper communication when moving in together will help avoid some of these arguments. For instance, I hate doing dishes but love cooking.
So, my boyfriend and I had an agreement from the beginning, I cook, and he does the cleaning. This arrangement has saved us a lot of arguments.
3. He Is Overwhelmed
Your boyfriend may get mad when you ask him to clean if he feels overwhelmed with other responsibilities.
For example, if your boyfriend has too much work, he will get mad when you ask him to clean because he feels you do not consider his other responsibilities.
Sometimes your boyfriend may have a lot of responsibilities at work or school and feel overwhelmed and will not want to take on any more work. Moreover, he may feel he is doing much more in the relationship.
If one party in the relationship feels they are taking on most of the household chores, there will be pent-up anger and resentment towards their partner.
On the other hand, if your boyfriend is stressed, he may get mad when you ask him to clean.
4. He Is Resistant To Change
If your boyfriend is resistant to change, he may get mad when you ask him to clean. Sometimes your boyfriend resists the change because he prioritizes other activities over-cleaning.
For instance, if your boyfriend likes to game and you pull him out of his gaming chair to help you clean, he will get mad.
Moreover, if your boyfriend does not want to work, he will get mad when you ask him to clean. This resistance will create problems in the relationship because you feel like you are doing all the heavy lifting.
According to Rachel Dubrow, a therapist, it is important to have a conversation about what cleaning means to both of you and what you prioritize in your lives.
If your boyfriend doesn’t see cleaning as a priority, then you need to discuss it.
5. He Doesn’t Know How To Clean
Your boyfriend may get mad when you ask him to clean if he doesn’t know how. If your boyfriend doesn’t know how to clean and hasn’t opened up to you about it, he will get mad when you ask him to clean.
Cleaning can be challenging for some people, and if they grew up in an environment where no one taught them how to clean, they might feel frustrated when you ask them to clean.
Moreover, if your boyfriend cleans and you repeat his work, he will not want to clean and may get frustrated when you ask him to clean.
Therefore, if you feel your boyfriend’s work is not good enough, you should at least give him some recognition.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Gets Mad When You Ask Him To Clean
It is frustrating when your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, and you want to know what you can do about the situation.
Here are some things you can do if your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean.
1. Talk To Him
Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. So if your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, talk to him.
eA conversation goes a long way to solving and avoiding arguments in a relationship, so talk to your boyfriend and understand why he gets mad when you ask him to clean.
You may find he has genuine reasons for getting mad when you ask him to clean. A conversation will also help you state your expectations in the relationship.
2. Teach Him How To Clean
If your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean because he doesn’t know how to clean, teach him how to clean.
Your boyfriend may have grown up in an environment where no one taught him how to clean.
According to Psychologist Irene S. Levine and author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend, It’s important to recognize that cleaning can be a challenging task.
If your boyfriend doesn’t know how to clean, teach him, or hire a cleaning service. You can also work together to make cleaning an enjoyable exercise.
3. Say Thank You
Gratitude goes a long way in a relationship. We all want our partners to appreciate us and the efforts we put into the relationship.
So, if your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, appreciate his effort in helping around the house.
For instance, if your boyfriend doesn’t know how to clean and makes an effort to clean, appreciate his efforts.
A simple “Thank you” will motivate him to keep cleaning. Moreover, if he doesn’t clean to your liking, appreciate his efforts and show him how you would like him to clean.
Josee Rose, a licensed therapist, emphasizes the importance of gratitude. Let your boyfriend know you see what they are doing and are grateful for his efforts.
“Thank your partner for what they do around the house, even if it’s their assigned ‘job,’” says Rose. “Showing gratitude will help you respond to your partner’s needs, maintain intimacy and connection, ultimately allowing each person to continue to contribute with ease to the demands of maintaining the home.”
4. See A Therapist
If your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean, and you have tried everything, and nothing is working, it may be time to see a therapist.
According to Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, a psychologist, fighting about housework is never fighting about housework.
She says, “Through housework, we communicate levels of importance in the relationship, we show our partners that we recognize them, uphold or challenge gender roles and connect.”
A therapist will help your boyfriend debunk the underlying issues he has with cleaning. Moreover, they will help you understand how your arguments about housework can impact your relationship.
A therapist will help you understand your boyfriend’s point of view. They will also help you know how to divide the household chores according to the needs of your relationship.
Household chores arguments are the most common arguments in relationships. It is frustrating when your boyfriend gets mad when you ask him to clean.
You need someone to help you around the house, and you may wonder why he gets mad when you ask him to clean.
Some reasons your boyfriend may get mad when you ask him to clean include perceptions of gender roles, lack of communication, or feeling overwhelmed.
Moreover, if your boyfriend doesn’t know how to clean or is resistant to change, he will get mad when you ask him to clean.
In this case, you should talk to him about your expectations in the relationship. Moreover, if he gets mad when you ask him to clean because he doesn’t know how to clean, teach him.
In addition, thank him when he cleans, even if it is not up to your standards. Finally, if all else fails, you can seek help from a therapist.
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Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.