In this article, we look at the reasons why your boyfriend looks at other females online, when to be worried, and what you should do about it.
You may be the most attractive woman, but you may find your boyfriend looking at other females online.
If you find your boyfriend looking at other females online, you may ask yourself why he is looking at other females.
Is looking at other women disrespectful? It may not be a big deal when you are walking on the streets and your boyfriend looks at an attractive woman. After all, you can’t blindfold him not to look at other ladies.
According to a study at the University of Oslo, attractive faces cause the brain to release neurochemicals that make them feel good when looking at attractive women.
This is one of the reasons why men look at attractive females. However, when your boyfriend constantly looks at other females online, there may be a problem.
If your boyfriend looks at other women online in your presence without remorse, it will create problems in the relationship.
Research shows that it is harmless for men to look at others as long as they have self-control.
Should I be upset that my boyfriend looks at other females online?
No, you shouldn’t be upset that your boyfriend looks at other females online. Looking at other females online is a very common behavior for men and does not necessarily mean they will act inappropriately or leave you.
Looking at other attractive ladies online is often just curiosity or temporary attraction for men, it does not mean you are not enough.
Your boyfriend may not even realize this upsets you, and the best approach is to communicate openly without attacking him.
Use “I feel…” statements to express how it makes you feel when he looks at other women online.
Try setting some mutually agreeable boundaries, like keeping his viewing private if needed.
But remember that looking at other females online is normal for men and does not mean they will act on it.
If it seems to be an addiction issue, offer him your support in seeking professional help.
The most important thing is to bring more empathy into the situation and try to understand each other’s perspectives.
Compromise and focusing on listening while meeting both of your emotional needs are key.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Looks at Other Females Online
If you are wondering if it is normal for your boyfriend to look at other females online, it is.
However, having your boyfriend look at other ladies online does not necessarily mean he is attracted to them.
Here are several reasons why your boyfriend is looking at other females online
1. It Is Natural
Your boyfriend is looking at females online because it is natural. Men are visual, and if he is scrolling online and sees an attractive woman, he is bound to take a second glance.
According to research, the brain releases neurochemicals when we see beautiful people.
It is only natural that he will look when he sees attractive ladies online because he feels good when he does.
2. He Is Thinking About Cheating
Let us be honest with each other; when your boyfriend is gawking at other females online, it could mean he is thinking about cheating.
Moreover, he could be attracted to them and use their pictures to masturbate or daydream about sleeping with them.
If your boyfriend looks at females on dating sites or social media platforms, it could mean he is thinking about cheating and may be planning on it. He is waiting for the opportunity to cheat.
3. He Is Addicted
When your boyfriend is looking at other females online, especially on adult sites, it could mean that he has a bad habit.
If your boyfriend visits a adult site every once in a while, it is not wrong. He may want to spice up your sex life.
However, when he is always on adult sites, he may have a porn addiction, which needs professional help.
According to a 2014 survey, at least 9% of people who watch porn find it hard to stop. Your boyfriend may be looking at other females online because he is addicted to porn.
4. He Wants to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Sometimes your boyfriend looks at other females online to spice up your sex life.
You may have gotten into a rut when you have been in a relationship for some time. Your boyfriend may go online to watch videos on how to spice up your sex life.
This does not mean he does not find you attractive; he only wants to have more fun in the relationship and keep things from getting boring.
For instance, if your boyfriend wants to have a threesome, he may wonder how to introduce the topic to you.
The good news is; he wants to spice up your relationship. He may want to sleep with other people but does not want to do it behind your back.
5. He Is Looking for Ideas
Your boyfriend will look at other females online if he is looking for ideas for a gift to surprise you.
If you find that he is always online, he may have found something nice that he wants to surprise you with, and look at how it looks on other women to know how it will look on you.
You can’t fault him for this. It is normal to look for ideas online when you want something. Your boyfriend is doing the same thing you could have done.
Nowadays, it is common to find people selling things on their social media pages, especially Facebook and Instagram. So, your boyfriend may be looking for something to give you.
6. He Is Cheating
When your boyfriend is always looking at other females on the internet, it could mean that he is cheating.
This is hard for any woman to hear, but when your boyfriend is always looking at females online, he may be cheating.
7. He Has Stopped Liking You
When your boyfriend stops liking you, he will direct his attention to other things and people.
So, when your boyfriend looks at other females online, it could mean that he has stopped liking you and has eyes for someone else.
For instance, if your boyfriend is always looking at other women on his social media platforms or dating sites, it means he has stopped liking you and is looking for options.
8. He Is Mad at You
When your boyfriend is mad at you, he may look at other women online. For example, he could look at other females to show you that he is annoyed with you. This is especially true if he does so in front of you and without remorse.
Some people do not know how to communicate their feelings correctly. Your boyfriend may be one of them; when he is angry with you, he will show you through his actions instead of coming and telling you out lightly how he feels.
9. He Is Bored
Your boyfriend could be looking at other females online if he is bored. Sometimes we scroll through our phones when we have nothing else to do.
For instance, if you go with your boyfriend to a place where he does not know people and you are busy socializing, he may sit on his phone scrolling mindlessly.
For example, when I go to a place where I don’t know people, I tend to scroll on my phone. This is a coping mechanism for most people, especially if you are an introvert or have social anxiety.
When Should You Be Worried?
It is normal for men to look at females online. However, sometimes you may wonder when it is time to worry about him looking at women.
Here are some reasons to get worried when your boyfriend looks at other females online
1. He Spends Money On Them
If your boyfriend starts spending money on the women he is looking at online, it is time to get worried.
If he is using money meant for other things to look at porn on the internet, then you should be worried as this may be turning into a problem.
2. It Is Taking a Toll On Your Sex Life
If your boyfriend’s habit of looking at other females online affects your sex life, you may get worried.
For instance, does your boyfriend find excuses to stay up later than you? He may be looking at adult sites and masturbating.
This will affect your sex life as he will be satisfied elsewhere and will not want sex with you.
You may also find that he suffers from sexual dysfunctions such as impotence or premature ejaculations.
3. You Suspect Him of Cheating
If you have started suspecting your boyfriend of cheating, it is time to worry about him looking at other women online.
If you suspect your boyfriend of cheating, you should trust your instincts and investigate before jumping to conclusions.
What Do You Do If Your Boyfriend Looks at Other Females Online
It may bother you when your boyfriend is looking at other women online. So, what do you do if your boyfriend looks at other females online?
Here are some tips you can use if your boyfriend looks at other women online.
1. Talk to Him
If your boyfriend is looking at other women online, it is imperative that you talk to him and tell him what you are feeling.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship, so if your boyfriend looking at other women online bothers you, you should have a conversation with him.
It will help you understand why he is looking at them and what it means for the relationship.
According to Dr John Gottman, for the best results in your conversation, don’t insult your boyfriend’s character by using accusatory statements.
You should use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. For example, instead of telling him, “You make me insecure when you look at other girls online,” you should say, “I feel insecure when you look at other females online.”
The “You” statement accuses him of making you insecure, while the “I” statement is about what you feel.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It will bother you when your boyfriend is looking at other females online. It is okay to acknowledge that it bothers you; you are allowed to feel your feelings, and you should not invalidate them.
If it makes you mad when he looks at other women, you should acknowledge the feeling and feel the anger and the jealousy. Then process the feelings and know how to deal with them.
3. Don’t Let Him Brush You Off
When you confront your boyfriend about looking at other women online, he may downplay the habit and brush it off as nothing.
Your boyfriend may make you feel invalidated when you talk to him about looking at women online.
For instance, a friend had a boyfriend looking at women on Instagram and tinder; when she confronted him about the issue, he brushed it off as nothing.
Worse still, he started gaslighting her, asking her if she didn’t trust him and telling her she was crazy to think that was something more.
If you are in a situation like my friend’s and you feel like it is a conversation you need to have, you should not let your boyfriend brush you off.
4. Don’t Jump to Conclusions
When you see your boyfriend looking at other females online, please do not assume you know why he is doing so.
Do not read too much into it; it may be something innocent, like trying to get ideas for a gift for you.
Remember that your boyfriend cares for you, and looking at other ladies online doesn’t mean he does not find you attractive or has stopped loving you. After all, he is with you; he chose you.
5. Support Him
If your boyfriend is looking at other females because he is addicted to porn, it will help if you support him to help him heal from his addiction.
Many people, especially women, do not want to understand porn addiction. They think those who are addicted are perverts.
According to research, porn addiction is the same as addiction to drugs and alcohol. Therefore, you must support him the same way you could someone with alcohol and drug addiction.
6. Seek Therapy
If your boyfriend is looking at other females online, it will help if you seek help from a professional.
If your boyfriend is looking at other women because he is addicted to porn, a professional will give him the right tools to work on his addiction.
A professional therapist will also help you work on your relationship if you are having problems due to your boyfriend looking at other women online.
Related Reading: 10 Things To Look For When Snooping Through A Phone
It is natural for men to look at other women online; it activates neurochemicals in the brain, giving them a good feeling.
While feeling upset is understandable, it’s important to approach the issue with empathy, compassion, and a willingness to understand your partner’s perspective.
Rather than confront him, have an open and honest conversation to find a mutually agreeable solution.
Ask questions to understand why he looks at these images and what meaning or value he derives from them. Share your feelings using “I” statements rather than accusations.
If some viewing seems normal, focus on setting boundaries you both feel comfortable with.
Reframe the issue as a shared relationship problem to be solved cooperatively, not an attack on him.
If professional help is needed for an addiction, offer your support. With understanding and compromise, you can likely resolve this in a way that strengthens your bond.
Photo by Sayo Garcia on Unsplash
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.