My Boyfriend Finds My Friend Attractive(What to do)

This article will help you understand why your boyfriend may find your friend attractive and how you should handle the situation.

When you get into a relationship, you want your boyfriend to have eyes only for you. However, this is not always the case.

Sometimes your boyfriend will look at other people and find them attractive. Naturally, this will not sit well with many people.

You may feel jealous or insecure when your boyfriend thinks your friend is attractive. This is a normal reaction because you want your partner to only have eyes for you. 

According to a 2015 study, even women are attracted to people when they are in relationships. So, this may not be isolated to your boyfriend. You may also find yourself attracted to other people. 

However jealous or insecure you may feel, you should know that your boyfriend will not stop seeing attractive people just because they are dating you. 

So, why would your boyfriend be attracted to your boyfriend, and what should you do about it?

Reasons Your Boyfriend Is Attracted to Your Friend

There are many reasons that your boyfriend could think that your friend is attractive. The reasons may range from innocent to not-so-innocent. Some of the reasons your boyfriend may find your friend attractive include the following;

1. They Like Your Friend

If your boyfriend finds your friend attractive, he may like her. This is just some innocent liking of a pleasant person. You are friends with your friend because you like them.

The same liking you have for your friend is the same that your boyfriend may have for your friend.

According to Berscheid & Regan, in their book The Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships, liking is the feeling of affection and respect that we typically have for our friends. Your friend may attract your boyfriend because he likes her with no strings attached.

2. She Is Attractive

Sometimes your boyfriend is attracted to your friend because she is attractive. If you look at your friend and see that she is attractive and other men find her attractive, your man will also find her attractive.

This does not have to mean anything; it just means that your friend is attractive and your boyfriend has eyes.

It would be best if you did not always read too much into your boyfriend finding your friend attractive.

Just because your boyfriend is in a relationship with you does not mean he is not seeing other people as attractive; only that this time it is someone close to you, and he may have mentioned it.  

3. They Have a Lot In Common

Your boyfriend is attracted to your friend because they have a lot in common. If you have your friend over and spend time with them when you are with your boyfriend, they have definitely struck up a conversation.

Your boyfriend may find that he has a lot in common with your friend during their conversations. Sometimes, you may not have much in common with your boyfriend, but your friend could.

This may lead to him being attracted to her. However, the attraction may be innocent as long as he does not act on it.

The fact that he told you that he thinks your friend is attractive is a plus since he may not be planning to act on the attraction.

4. He Is Losing Interest in You

When your boyfriend notices that other people are attractive, they may lose interest in you. As much as we want to believe that the attraction is innocent, sometimes it may not be so innocent.

If your boyfriend says your boyfriend is attractive, he may have lost interest in you. According to Steven McCornack, in his book Reflect and Relate: An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication, one of the elements of romantic relationships is choice. 

We enter into romantic relationships by choosing who to be involved with. So, if your boyfriend starts finding your friend attractive, he may have chosen her over you and is losing interest in you.

5. She Dresses Better Than You

Men are visual creatures. So, if your friend dresses in attractive outfits, your boyfriend may find her attractive. According to research, men’s brains respond more to visual stimuli than women’s brains. 

So if your friend dresses better than you or in skimpy dresses, your boyfriend may be attracted to her. It is simple biology. 

How Do You Deal with Your Boyfriend Being Attracted To Your Friend?

If your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, you may feel insecure, jealous, or even confused. You often do not know how to deal with the revelation that your boyfriend may be attracted to someone else. 

Here are some ways you can approach the situation. 

1. Talk to Your Boyfriend

If your boyfriend finds your friend attractive, the first step you should take is to talk to him. Communication is key in a well-functioning relationship, so talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and thoughts.

Your boyfriend may have told you about the attraction, or you may have found out about it on your own. Either way, talk to him about what it makes you feel.

If you feel jealous and insecure and bottle up your feelings, you will turn toxic, and no one wants to be in a toxic relationship. Explain to your boyfriend how his attraction makes you feel and get a solution before it creates a problem in the relationship.

2. Talk to Your Friend

If your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, chances are that your friend may have noticed it too. So, it is important to talk to your friend and ask her if she feels like something is happening between them. 

There is the off chance that your friend may not have noticed the attraction, or if they have, they may deny it.

The denial may be for your benefit if the friend does not want to hurt your feelings. She may also deny it if she is also attracted to your boyfriend.

3. Don’t Jump to Conclusions

When you discover that your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, you first want to bite off your boyfriend’s head. However, you should take it easy and avoid jumping to conclusions.

You may have read the signs wrong if he did not tell you himself, and you are being paranoid. 

Consider asking someone else to look at the interaction between your boyfriend and your friend to see if they have the same option. 

For instance, sometimes back, a friend of mine was worried that her boyfriend was attracted to their mutual friend.

So she asked me to hang out with them once and look at their interaction. Well, they were friendly, but it was not something to be worried about. The boyfriend was being nice.

You should also remember that your boyfriend chose you and is only human. He may be attracted to someone else but loves you and will not act on the attraction.

4. Be Confident

Confidence is the best outfit you can wear as a lady. So even if you think your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, do not let it take away your self-esteem.

Instead, walk with your head held high. After all, he is with you, and the attraction may be innocent and not much to read into.

Love yourself; this is the best you can do for yourself. Your boyfriend may be attracted to your friend, but he is here with you now. So live in the now and be confident with what you bring to the relationship.

5. Be Friendly During Your Interactions

If your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, you may be tempted to be defensive when the three of you are hanging out. I know this is easier said than done, but try not to be defensive. 

I know you are feeling jealous and insecure, but it is important to keep your cool. Do not get defensive if you suspect your boyfriend is attracted to her and has not explicitly told you. 

Remain friendly with both of them even if you may feel like a third wheel but be attentive to their interactions.

6. Set clear boundaries

If your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, you should talk to him about setting clear boundaries in their relationship.

You want to keep your friend and your boyfriend, and having them attracted to each other may lead to a breakup.

A breakup will naturally lead to the loss of the boyfriend, and you may resent your friend too. So, before things get out of hand, talk to your boyfriend to set clear boundaries in his interactions with your friend. Some of the things he can do include;

  • Reduce the time he spends alone with your friend
  • Stop following your friend on social media
  • Reduce their texts and calls

What are the signs that my boyfriend is attracted to my friend?

If you are not sure if your boyfriend is attracted to your friend but suspect it, you should look out for the following signs;

  • He acts better when she is around.
  • You feel it.
  • You catch him looking at her all the time.
  • He takes extra care of her when she is around.
  • He knows a lot about her, more than you expected.
  • He brings up your friend a lot in conversations.
  • They are always talking and texting.
  • He compares you to her.
  • He is stalking her on social media.
  • They spend too much time alone together.
  • They have inside jokes.
  • He asks too much about her.
  • He is anxious when she is around.
  • He changes his behavior when she is around.
  • They are too touchy-feely.
  • If you are in an argument, he takes her side.
  • He flirts with her when you are around. 
My boyfriend told me he is attracted to other women. Should I be worried?

It is not necessarily a cause for worry if your boyfriend says he is attracted to other women. This could be biological because men are visual creatures. 

On the other hand, you should be worried because your boyfriend may have told you this to hurt your feelings, and this may worry you as you may be headed down a slippery slope in the relationship.

Should I be worried if my boyfriend is texting my friend?

Humans get comfort in socializing. So your boyfriend is texting your friend to be social and friendly. And this should not worry you. However, if he crosses the line, you should be worried and talk to him about setting boundaries.

What does it mean when my boyfriend looks at other women?

There are many reasons your man may look at other women; they include;

  • He may find her attractive
  • He had a chemical reaction in the brain when he saw her; this is involuntary.
  • A part of him wants her
  • If he was not in a relationship, he could be interested in her as a sexual partner.

What does a man looking at other women not mean?

When you man looks at other women, it does not he that;

  • He is not attracted to you.
  • You should be jealous or insecure.
  • He does not find you beautiful anymore.
  • You don’t satisfy him sexually.
  • He will cheat on you.
  • He will break up with you.
  • You are not enough for him.

Is it wrong if I am attracted to other people while in a relationship?

It is perfectly okay to find other people attractive when you are in a relationship. Many people feel guilty about it, but it is normal to find other people attractive; after all, you are in a relationship, not dead.  

You can still see good-looking people. This is okay as long as you do not act on the attraction. 


Your boyfriend may be attracted to your friend, and it is normal. When you are in a relationship, you want your man to have eyes only for you, but he may find himself attracted to other people, as you may also.

Attraction does not always mean that your boyfriend will act on the feelings. He may just be having an innocent biological reaction when he sees your friend.

However, there are many reasons your boyfriend may be attracted to your friend, as highlighted in this article.

If your boyfriend is attracted to your friend, you should handle the situation gracefully, talk to both, and try to set clear boundaries. Additionally, you should also not be quick to jump to conclusions.

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