In this article, we examine why your boyfriend does not want to move in with you and what you can do about it.
Picture this; you have been dating your boyfriend for a long time. You tell him you would like to move in together, but he does not want to. This situation can be very frustrating.
After dating your boyfriend for some time, you would expect that he will want to take the relationship to the next step.
If, for example, you have been together for three or four years, it will be very frustrating to know that he doesn’t want to move in with you.
You also don’t want to force your boyfriend to do something he does not want. According to Nicole Richardson, a therapist, and marriage counselor, it is important not to rush moving in and be patient if your partner is not ready when you are.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Move In With You
There are many reasons your boyfriend may not want to move in with you; it does not necessarily mean he doesn’t love you or does not want to marry you.
If you are in this situation, you may wonder why your boyfriend does not want to move in with you and what you can do about it.
Some of the reasons your boyfriend does not want to move in with you include the following;
1. He Is Afraid of Commitments
Your boyfriend may not want to move in with you if he is afraid of commitments. Sometimes you may date someone for a long time, but he is taking things casually even though you would like to be more serious.
If your boyfriend is afraid of commitments, he will be opposed to moving in with you. For example, if your boyfriend has dated many people and when things start getting serious, he breaks up with them, it could mean he has commitment issues.
Some of the signs that he has commitment issues include;
- He avoids going places with you
- He gives you mixed signals
- He does not introduce you to his friends
- He avoids discussing the relationship’s progress
- He sabotages the relationship
- He does not want to discuss future plans
2. He Does Not Want to Lose His Freedom
If your boyfriend does not want to move in with you, he may not want to lose his freedom. When he moves in with you, he will feel restricted from doing some of the things he may have done when he was alone.
If, for instance, your boyfriend likes to stay out late, he may not like moving in with you as you will restrict him from this habit.
3. He Doesn’t Want to Lose His Space
Your boyfriend could be hesitant to move in with you because he is afraid he will lose his space.
If your boyfriend is an introvert, he may not want to move in with you because he feels like he will give up his space and not have solitude when he needs it, especially when he is stressed.
Sometimes when you move in with your boyfriend, he may feel like the house is too small for both of you and that he does not have a space where he can be alone with his feelings.
For instance, I am an introvert who loves my space and me time. So, when I first moved in with my boyfriend, I felt like there was no space for me to be alone with my thoughts and just be me.
I am the type of person who cries to relieve stress when I feel overwhelmed. I felt I could not do this comfortably if we moved in together.
However, after moving in, I talked with my boyfriend about my needs, and so far, so good.
4. He Does Not Want Responsibilities
If your boyfriend does not want to move in with you, he may be afraid of responsibilities.
Some men do not want to move in or take the next step in a relationship because they do not want to take up the responsibilities that come with such a step.
For instance, when you move in together, you may start thinking about getting kids, and these types of responsibilities may freak out your boyfriend and make him run.
On the other hand, your boyfriend may be a mama’s boy who has everything done for him. Moving in with you means he will have to pick up some responsibilities, but he is not ready.
5. He Does Not Think You Will Be Together for Long
Your boyfriend may only want to move in with you if he thinks the relationship will go on for a short time.
If you were just a casual fling to him that went on for a longer time than he thought, he might not want to move in with you.
It is heartbreaking to know that you have given your all to a relationship, but your boyfriend thinks it’s just casual.
Your boyfriend may figure it is easier to break up with you if you live separately than when you live together.
Moreover, separation will be much more complicated when you live together because you have to think about dividing the assets you may have acquired together.
6. He Does Not Want to Marry You
When you move in with someone, the next logical step, according to most people, is marriage. Therefore, your boyfriend may find it hard to move in with you if he is not ready to marry you in the long run.
If your boyfriend is dating you to pass the time, the idea of moving in with you will not sit well with him. He is in the relationship for a good time and nothing more.
This is extremely painful because he will have wasted your time when you were hoping for something more.
In this case, the best thing to do is break up with him because he will continue wasting your time with no plans to marry you.
He tones down your relationship.
He is defensive when you talk about the future.
He makes excuses about getting married.
He proposed but didn’t make any more plans.
He lives a single man’s life.
He told you he doesn’t want to get married.
You have been together long, and he does not show signs of proposing.
7. He Cannot Afford to Move In
Your boyfriend may not want to move in with you, not because he doesn’t want to but because he cannot afford to move in right now.
If your boyfriend is not currently financially stable, he may shy away from moving in with you as he does not want to burden you financially.
If a man loves you and is not financially stable, he may not want to move in with you as he believes he should provide for you.
So, if he cannot provide for you and take up the responsibilities that come with moving in together, he may refrain from moving in with you.
8 He Is Traditional
If your boyfriend is traditional, he may not want to move in with you before marriage. On the other hand, he may want to move in with you but comes from a traditional family and does not want to disappoint his family by moving in with you before marriage.
According to Monica Parikh, a dating and relationship coach at the School of Love NYC, many couples choose to live separately because it provides the space and autonomy they need to be happy.
9. He Fears You Will Reject Him
Your boyfriend may not want to move in with you if he is afraid you may reject him when you see his behaviors when you live together.
When you live alone, there are some things you do that you may not want your partner to know. They may be small things you are insecure about.
Your boyfriend is no different. He may be afraid that you may reject him after learning about these small things.
For instance, he may talk in his sleep and not want you to know about it, or he may love watching a show he thinks you will judge him for.
What Do You Do If Your Boyfriend Does Not Want to Move In With You?
It is frustrating when your boyfriend does not want to move in with you, and you are ready to move in. You may wonder what the next step should be if your boyfriend won’t move in with you.
You have some options, some of the things you can do include the following;
1. Talk To Him
Communication is key to the success of any relationship. So, if your boyfriend does not want to move in with you, you should talk to him and understand why he does not want to move in.
An honest conversation with your boyfriend will help you understand where he is coming from. For example, maybe he is afraid that you may reject him, or he could have moved in with someone in the past, and it ended badly.
No matter his reasons for not wanting to move in with you, you may not understand until you have a candid conversation with him.
2. Be Patient
Sometimes your boyfriend may not want to move in with you because he is not financially stable and wants to avoid burdening you with responsibilities. He could also be traditional and wait to get married so he can move in.
If these are the reasons for your boyfriend not wanting to move in with you, you should give him time to get more stable.
This is one of the most valid reasons why your boyfriend is not moving in with you, and he deserves credit for not wanting to burden you.
If he wants to move in after marriage, be patient and wait for the wedding, so you live together as husband and wife.
3. Break Up With Him
If your boyfriend does not want to move in with you because he has commitment issues or does not want to marry you, the best you can do for yourself is end the relationship.
I know it is hard to swallow, but if your boyfriend is afraid of commitment or does not want to marry you, there isn’t much you can do except end your relationship.
You cannot force someone to marry you or commit to you.
4. Think of Other Ways To Move The Relationship Forward
According to Richardson, if moving in is not an option, look for other ways to improve your emotional intimacy and time with your boyfriend.
Even if you do not share a home, it does not necessarily mean your relationship is in a rut. It would also help if you stopped comparing your relationship to others.
Just because you do not live together and your friends do, it does not mean your relationship is not working.
5. See A Therapist
Sometimes your boyfriend may not want to move in with you because he is going through something that he may not want to talk to you about. At this point, you want to see a dating coach or a therapist to help your boyfriend open up.
The therapist will help you understand why your boyfriend does not want to move in with you. For instance, he may have gone through some trauma in the past that makes him not want to move in.
In addition, he may be having commitment issues because he was rejected in the past and has a fear of rejection.
Sometimes your boyfriend does not want to move in with you but will not tell you openly. Here are some signs you should look out for;
He doesn’t talk about moving in.
He talks about moving in but will not commit to anything.
He critiques his friends who have moved in with their partners.
He does not include you in his future plans
He is too comfortable living at home
It can be frustrating when you are ready to move in, but your boyfriend is not ready. Your boyfriend may not want to move in with you for many reasons.
For instance, he may not be financially stable, he may not want to marry you, or he may not want the responsibilities that come with moving together.
When this happens, you should be patient with your boyfriend if he is not financially stable and talk to him about the other reasons he may not want to move in with you.
On the other hand, if the reasons are that he does not want to marry you, you may want to end the relationship as it will lead to more heartbreaks and be a waste of your time.
Photo by HiveBoxx on Unsplash
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.