In this article we address the problem, boyfriend doesn’t want to work, we look at things to take into consideration, reasons he doesn’t want to work and what you can do about it.
You are dating this amazing person who is madly in love with you. But he does not want to work. If you are in this situation, you may have a hard time in the relationship.
If your boyfriend does not want to work, you should try to understand the reasons he doesn’t want to work.
We are not talking about when one is between jobs and looking for work. This is about those people who are not interested in working even when they have the opportunity and ability to work.
Most men see themselves as the breadwinners in the household and may be greatly affected if they cannot provide for the household.
For example, according to studies, the suicide rate in men spiked during the great depression; this is because men feared they would not provide for their families.
If your boyfriend does not want to work and sits around the house doing nothing, there is a problem. He should feel the need to help in the household, no matter the input.
I strongly believe that if one does not work, he should not eat.
So why doesn’t your boyfriend want to work, and what is the impact on the relationship?
Things To Consider If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Work
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, you may consider several things before you know how to handle the situation. Some of the things you need to consider include the following;
1. Why Doesn’t He Have A Job
The first thing to consider if your boyfriend does not want to work is why he does not have a job in the first place.
Is he in between jobs? Has he been looking for work for a long time unsuccessfully? Is he just lazy and doesn’t want to work?
In these uncertain times, you may have been laid off unexpectedly; this can happen to anyone. If this is what happened, you may cut him some slack. However, he should show efforts to look for work.
However, if your boyfriend wants to sit around the house playing video games and watching movies without any effort of looking for work, then you have reason to worry. It is unacceptable if your boyfriend wants to live off you and enslave you.
2. What are His Feelings About Not Having A Job?
How does your boyfriend feel about not having a job? If he feels down about not having a job, he will work hard to get one, as it is important to him.
Also, if he remains positive and determined during the job search, he is looking forward to being gainfully employed.
His feelings about being unemployed will tell you more about his character. If he seems not to care about being jobless and is not making any efforts to look for work, then you have a lazy boyfriend.
3. What Is He Doing With His Time?
One of the other things that you may consider if your boyfriend doesn’t want to work is how he spends his time.
If your boyfriend says he feels bad about not having a job, but instead of spending this time applying for jobs and looking for work, he spends his time lounging on the couch watching movies and playing video games, he may not feel so bad about not having work.
If your boyfriend feels terrible about his work situation, he should work towards bettering himself and improving his skills.
4. How does your boyfriend not working affect your relationship?
If your boyfriend has not been working for a long time and you are footing all the bills. It will take a toll on your relationship.
According to research, financial issues are the main cause of disagreements in relationships and a leading cause of divorce in many marriages.
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work and lives off of you, it will cause strain in the relationship after a while. No woman wants to be used by a man who is not contributing anything to the household.
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, you may consider breaking up with him. After all, no one wants to live with someone who contributes nothing to the household and uses them.
For instance, I have a friend whose husband wouldn’t work. He was the type of guy who just wanted to stay home and hang out with his friends. My friend would go to work, come home in the evening and do the house chores. This went on for a long time.
When the husband got a small contract, he would work for a few weeks, but he would not contribute to the house bills. One time my friend took a loan and put up a small business for him, and he ran the business down.
This continued for about four years until she was tired and decided to leave. She was so drained at the end of it all, both financially and emotionally.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to Work
Marty Nemko, a personal coach and author, terms people who refuse to work as having Refuse-to-work syndrome.
According to Nemko, many people are in relationships where one partner works themselves to the bone while the other partner refuses to work. In these situations, one partner works extra hard while the other spends on unnecessary expenses.
If you have tried everything to get your boyfriend to find work, you want to understand why he doesn’t want to work.
Some of the reasons your boyfriend doesn’t want to work may include the following;
1. He is lazy
Sometimes no matter how much we want to sugarcoat the situation. Your boyfriend doesn’t want to work because he is lazy.
If all your efforts of getting your boyfriend to look for work are falling on deaf ears, and all he wants to do all day is hang out with his friends and play computer games. He is lazy.
There is not much you can do if you are dealing with a lazy person. They want to live off of you and burden you with all their expenses.
2. He is depressed
Sometimes when a person loses their job, they may fall into depression. Your boyfriend may not want to work because he is depressed.
It can be challenging for someone with depression to get out of bed in the morning, let alone go out to look for work.
So if your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, you should look for other signs of depression before jumping to conclusions. Some of the signs that are telltales for depression include irritability and isolation.
If your boyfriend gets annoyed easily by small things that wouldn’t annoy him before and isolates himself from his family and friends, it could mean he is depressed.
Talk to your boyfriend to understand why he doesn’t want to work and understand his emotional well-being.
Losing a job and having to depend on other people has been a leading cause of suicide in men. According to research, for every 1% increase in unemployment in Hong Kong, there was a 15% increase in suicide rates.
3. He expects everything to be handed to him
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, he may have grown up in an environment where everything was handed to him. He may be a man-child who expects people to do everything for him.
If your boyfriend grew up in an environment where everything was given to him without him having to work for anything, he might expect that to continue.
It would help if you taught him some lessons on responsibility and how to take care of himself and his bills. It is high time he learned that if you do not work, you should not eat.
Everyone should pull their weight in the relationship and help out where they can.
4. He lacks ambition
Some people lack ambition in life. If your boyfriend does not want to work, he may lack ambition.
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work and lounges at home all day, hanging out with friends and playing games, he may lack ambition.
It is great to have someone who loves you, but if the person does not have any ambitions, you may worry about the future. If you are a one-income household, you may worry about your future and the future of the relationships.
So if your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, he may not be ambitious enough for you; we all want someone thinking beyond today and working towards improving their future.
5. He is selfish
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work and sits around the house all day waiting for you to settle all the bills, he is selfish.
If all your boyfriend wants to do is sit around the house and hang out with his friends while you work, he is selfish. He does not want to work but expects all the bills and expenses to be settled.
He may expect others to fund his lifestyle, either you or his family. He doesn’t worry about his needs as other people worry for him.
6. He has PTSD
If your boyfriend has post-traumatic stress disorder from an earlier job, he may find it hard to work.
For instance, if your boyfriend was in a job and was injured in the line of duty, he may find it hard to return to work. In addition, he may have flashbacks of the injuries when he tries to work and may even develop phobias toward work.
If your boyfriend had a traumatic experience like bullying or harassment at work, this might deter him from working.
For instance, I once had a case of sexual harassment at work; what’s worse is that the organization didn’t have clear policies on sexual harassment in the workplace. As a result, I had a hard time for the rest of my time in that job, though I left after three months.
It was tough for me to look for work because if I found more males than females, it would give me flashbacks to the last time I was harassed. Maybe your boyfriend went through something similar and has PTSD.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want To Work
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, you may want to know what you can do to help him get back to work. Some of the things you may do to help your boyfriend who doesn’t want to work include;
1. Have a candid conversation with him
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, you should sit him down and have a candid conversation. Tell him how this lack of work affects you and the relationship.
If you are the only breadwinner in the household, you will be stretched thin; you may have to take on extra work to cover the bills and other household expenses.
Moreover, you are tired from working all day and probably doing the house chores. So, naturally, this will take a toll on the intimacy of the relationship.
According to a survey, money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce at 22%. So, talk to your boyfriend about the financial constraints he is putting on you.
2. Seek therapy
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work because of PTSD or depression, the best thing is to seek professional help.
A therapist will help your boyfriend debunk all the issues that may make him not want to work. Then, they will give your boyfriend tools to help him heal and get back to work. A professional will also give you tools to help and support your boyfriend as he looks for work.
3. Leave him
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work because he is lazy and selfish, there is not much you can do about it.
If you have tried everything to get your boyfriend to look for a job, but all he does is give excuses, it may be time to break up with him.
You cannot spend all your life caring for a man who refuses to get off his butt and work. It will take a toll on your physical and mental well-being.
It will also drain you financially. And you may never advance as all your money is used to cater for the bills and household expenses.
It may be time to cut loose the boyfriend and get free of the burden of caring for someone who is not pulling their weight in the relationship.
Having a boyfriend who doesn’t want to work will have a huge financial impact on you as you will be expected to settle all the household bills.
Therefore, when your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, you should consider why he doesn’t have a job, his attitude towards not having a job, and what he does with his time.
There are many reasons your boyfriend may not want to work; he may be depressed, have PTSD, or may be lazy and have gotten used to having things handed to him.
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work, talk to him and understand why he doesn’t want to work, and tell him how it affects your relationship. You should also talk to a professional if he doesn’t want to work due to PTSD or depression.
If your boyfriend doesn’t want to work because he is lazy, it may be time to cut the cord.
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.