Home » My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Talk About Problems (11 Reasons Why)

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Talk About Problems (11 Reasons Why)

In this article, we will examine why your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems, how it can affect the relationship, and what you can do about it.

Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship, and being in a relationship means you have someone to share every aspect of your life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Talking about your problems helps the relationship grow. So, if your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems, it may affect the relationship.

When two people from different walks of life decide to live together, there are bound to be problems here and there. But unfortunately, relationships are not a bed of roses all the time; after all, roses have thorns.

So, when problems arise in relationships, we need to talk about them with our partners to help solve them.

As the saying goes, a problem shared is half solved. Talking about problems in the relationship makes the partners work together to look for solutions, thus strengthening their bond.

However, some people have a hard time sharing their problems with their partners, which can affect the relationship.

Reasons Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Talk About Problems

Understanding why your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems is important. Here are some reasons your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems.  

1. Avoid Conflict

Your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship because she is avoiding conflict.

If she thinks bringing up a problem will lead to an argument, she may refrain from talking about problems.

If every time you talk about a problem, you argue, your girlfriend will not want to bring up any problems because she doesn’t want to get into an argument with you.

Some men are so prone to conflicts and will start a fight about anything. If this is you, your girlfriend will avoid talking about problems because he doesn’t want to provoke you.

Conflicts in relationships lead to a lot of stress and tension, and your girlfriend will want to avoid any more tension in the relationship.

For instance, if you have emotionally or physically abused your girlfriend for bringing up a problem in the relationship, they will avoid doing so in the future because they don’t want to face the repercussions.

2. They Don’t Want You To Blame Them

Your girlfriend will avoid talking about problems in the relationship because she doesn’t want you to blame her for the problems.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that blames women for everything. For instance, if a relationship fails, the woman is to blame; if the boyfriend or husband cheats, the woman does not satisfy her and makes him cheat.

Rachel Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, says, “Often people who cheat tell themselves that their behavior is justified because their partners don’t care about them.”

They justify their actions by blaming their partners for not showing them enough affection. So, if your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems, she doesn’t want you to blame her for the problems.

3. You Don’t Listen To Her

If you don’t listen to your girlfriend when she talks, she will not want to talk about problems. Sometimes your girlfriend will not talk about problems if talking to you is as good as talking to a doorstop.

I know you have heard people say that a man is the best person to tell a secret because they barely listen. This is unfortunate but true; most men don’t listen when you talk to them.

So, if your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems, you need to improve your listening skills.

According to Deborah Tannen, in You Just Don’t Understand, the misunderstanding in relationships is because men and women have different conversational styles.

Tannen says, “Learning about the different though equally valid conversational frequencies men and women are tuned to can help banish the blame and help us truly talk to one another.” 

4. She Lacks Communication Skills

Sometimes your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems because she doesn’t know how to communicate her feelings.

She may not know what words to use to make you understand the problems you are facing.

For instance, if your girlfriend feels you do not appreciate or disregard your feelings, she may not know the right words to use as he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Moreover, she may not want you to misunderstand what she says to mean you don’t love her or she doesn’t love you.

If your girlfriend is worried she may say the wrong thing, she may refrain from talking about the problems altogether.

5. Cultural and Societal Norms

Your girlfriend may not want to talk about problems if her cultural and societal norms prohibit her from talking about some things. For example, in some cultures, it is taboo to talk about some topics, especially sexual topics.

So, if your girlfriend grew up in a society where it is taboo to talk about some things, she may want to avoid bringing up the topic if it is the problem.

For example, in some cultures, it is taboo and considered disrespectful to discuss certain sexual topics. If this is the case, she will refrain from talking about those topics.

6. She Fears Vulnerability

Your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems if they fear vulnerability. If your girlfriend fears vulnerability, they will not want to talk about their problems because they don’t want you to think they are weak.

Moreover, if someone took advantage of their vulnerability before, they may not want to show you their vulnerability for fear you will take advantage of them too.

Many people are afraid to open up because people take advantage of other people’s weaknesses.

For instance, if your girlfriend opens up about a problem they faced in the past, you may use it against her in future arguments.

7. She Doesn’t Want To Drag You Into Her Problems

Your girlfriend may avoid talking to you about her problems if she doesn’t want to drag you into her problems.

Sometimes your girlfriend may be going through personal issues that she thinks you will not want to be involved in.

Women are more compassionate to their partners and do not want to involve them in things they think they would not want to be involved in.

So, if your girlfriend always wants to solve her problems alone, it could be she doesn’t want to drag you into her problems and make your life hard.

8. You Over React To Her Problems

If you overreact to your girlfriend’s problems, she will not want to talk to you about her problems.

If you overreacted to your girlfriend’s problems in the past, she would refrain from telling you about her problems.

We learn a lot from past experiences in relationships, and once bitten, twice shy, so if you embarrassed your girlfriend when she told you about her problems in the past, she would not open up to you again.   

9. You Criticize Her

If you criticize your girlfriend, she will not want to talk to you about her problems. People avoid talking about their problems if their partner criticizes them when they tell them their problems.

For instance, if your girlfriend shares a problem she has at work or a disagreement she had with her friend, and you criticize her for not knowing how to relate well with people, she will never talk about her problems with you because she doesn’t want you to judge and criticize her.

It will strain the relationship if your girlfriend doesn’t feel she can share her problems with you.

10. She Thinks The Relationship Is Not There Yet

If your girlfriend doesn’t share her problems with you, she may feel like your relationship has not reached the stage where she can share her problems with you.

People will only start to open up about their problems once they feel the relationship is sufficiently strong and intimate.

So, if you have been dating for a few weeks, your girlfriend may feel the relationship is not strong enough for her to share her problems with you.

Moreover, your girlfriend may be uncomfortable sharing her problems too early in the relationship because she thinks you will run away.  

11. You Are Too Busy

Your girlfriend may avoid talking to you about her problems if she thinks you are too busy to listen to her.

We all want attention from our partners, so if your girlfriend feels like you are too busy to listen to her, she will never tell you her problems.

For instance, if you are too occupied with work or school to listen to your girlfriend, she will never tell you about her problems.

Moreover, if you are always on your phone when your girlfriend is talking to you, she will not want to talk to you about her problems.

What Is The Impact Of Not Talking About Problems In Relationships

There are many effects of not talking about problems in the relationship. Some negative impacts of not talking about problems include the following;

1. Lack Of Trust

If your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship, there will be a lack of trust. First, your girlfriend is not talking to you about problems because she doesn’t trust you.

Moreover, when she doesn’t talk to you about her problems, you will feel she doesn’t trust you enough, and you will not trust her with your problems either.

2. Escalated Conflict

According to Elizabeth Earnshaw, licensed therapist, and author of I Want This To Work, when partners don’t talk about problems in the relationship, they will escalate the conflicts they have in the relationship. 

Most people think avoiding discussing problems is the solution, but it only creates a bigger problem. Problems will eventually blow up when people sit on them and let them stew.

3. Lack Of Intimacy

People who don’t talk about problems in the relationship will drift apart. If you wrong your partner and they do not tell you you wronged them, they will not want to talk to you or be intimate with you.

Lack of intimacy in a relationship will lead to more problems as you will feel unappreciated or feel like your partner no longer has passion for you.

What To Do If Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Talk About Problems

It may be hard for a relationship to work if your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems.

If you are in this situation, you want to get your girlfriend to talk about the problems in the relationship so you may help her solve them.

Here are things you can do if your girlfriend doesn’t talk about problems;

1. Listen

Your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems because she feels you do not listen to her when she talks. So, the best way to get your girlfriend talking is to listen.

You need to listen actively and be involved in the conversation, show her you are interested in what she has to say and willing to work towards a solution for the problems. You can show active listening by;

  • Face her when she talks.
  • Don’t interrupt her.
  • Listen without judging.
  • Don’t jump to conclusions.
  • Ask questions where you don’t understand.
  • Stay focused.
  • Remove distractions.
  • Don’t impose your opinions on her.
  • Look at her nonverbal cues.

2. Don’t Criticize or Judge

Your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems because you judge and criticize her. So, keep an open mind when your girlfriend is talking to you. Don’t criticize her or belittle her problems.

Create a safe and comfortable space in the relationship for your girlfriend to talk about her feelings.

In addition, you should show empathy for your girlfriend’s problems and avoid being defensive when they talk about problems in the relationship.

3. Seek Professional Help

If your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems due to past trauma, you should seek the help of a therapist to help them heal from the trauma.

The therapist will give you tools on how to help support your girlfriend in their recovery in addition to giving you tools to solve your future problems.

Related Readings: My Girlfriend Always Finds Faults In Me (10 Possible Reasons)

Final Thoughts

Communication is vital for any relationship to thrive. If your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship, it will lead to a lack of trust and escalated conflicts.

Moreover, if you don’t talk about problems, you will lose trust in each other, which may lead to a lack of intimacy.

There are many reasons your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems, some of the reasons include; she is avoiding conflicts, you blame her for the problems, or you don’t listen to her. Moreover, if your girlfriend fears vulnerability, she will not talk about problems.

In addition, if you criticize her, overreact to her problems, or she doesn’t feel your relationship is at the stage where she can talk to you about her issues, she will not talk.

Moreover, if your girlfriend thinks you are too busy to listen, she will not share her problems.

If your girlfriend doesn’t want to talk about problems, you should learn to listen to her without distractions.

You should also seek professional help if he doesn’t talk about problems due to past traumas, in addition to not judging and criticizing her.


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