My Boyfriend Has No Passion For Me (6 Reasons and what to do)

In this article, we discuss why your boyfriend has no passion for you, signs to look out for, and some things you can do to remedy the situation.

When you fall in love, you are excited. You have butterflies in your stomach when you think about your boyfriend. You are like a kid with a new toy.

This is the honeymoon phase, you cannot think about anything more than your partner, and they can do no wrong at this point. 

However, you may feel like the spark is gone after a while. You feel like your boyfriend has no passion for you anymore.

This is normal, and you should not worry; it just means the honeymoon phase is over, and the feelings are mellowing out. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean that your boyfriend doesn’t love you. 

On the other hand, you may go from feeling excited about being in a relationship to having no passion at all.

If you feel your boyfriend has no passion for you, it may worry you, and you may want to know how you got there and what to do about it. 

This article will shed some light on your situation. It will examine reasons your boyfriend may have lost passion for you, signs that the passion is gone, when it is okay not to have passion in a relationship, and how you can remedy the situation. Read on to learn more. 

Reasons Your Boyfriend Has No Passion For You.

Even if you are head over heels in love with your boyfriend, you may feel like he does not have the passion he had for you in the beginning.

If your boyfriend has lost passion for you, you want to know why. Here are some reasons your boyfriend may have no passion for you. 

1. You Are Stuck In A Rut

Getting into a new relationship is exciting, and you want to spend time with your boyfriend. You go out of your way to do fun things with your partner. However, as time goes by, you get comfortable. You do not put effort into the relationship anymore. 

James Preece, a dating coach, states, “The most common reason relationships fail is that you both stop making an effort.”

You get into comfortable patterns when you are in a relationship for a long time, and your relationship becomes predictable. As a result, you lose all the spontaneity you had in the beginning. 

When you fall into a rut, the passion will naturally die. So it would be best if you kept the spark alive. Refrain from repeating the same things all the time, no matter how comfortable the routine is. According to Preece, monotony is the quickest way to get bored. 

2. He Doesn’t Find You Attractive.

You may feel your boyfriend has no passion for you if he does not find you attractive anymore. Most people think that attractiveness is only physical; however, this can also be deeper.

For instance, when you start dating, you find everything your partner does attractive. However, when you stay with your partner for some time, you may see that some things you thought were attractive are no longer attractive. 

If your boyfriend starts seeing the quips he thought were attractive in the beginning become annoying, he may lose passion for you.

On the other hand, he may find that he is no longer attracted to some of your qualities. For example, you may have no initiative in starting a family, which could turn him off. 

For instance, I once dated a guy; we were all hot and passionate. However, after a year, he started pressuring me to have a kid even though I had told him categorically that I was not interested in having kids at the start of the relationship. He lost passion for me after this, and the relationship died naturally.

3. He Is Unsure Of The Future

Your relationship may lose the spark if you are unsure of the future. If you have been dating for a while but have yet to talk about where the relationship is headed, the ambiguity may cause some rift in the relationship. 

Moreover, the spark may die off if you feel like you are reading from different pages. For instance, you want him to move in with you, and he doesn’t want to, or if one of you wants to get married and the other is not ready, or one wants to have kids but the other partner does not, the passion may dwindle. 

4. You Take Him For Granted

If you take your boyfriend for granted, he may start losing passion for you. When you are in a new relationship, you are fun, appreciative, and love spending time with your boyfriend. 

However, most people take small things for granted when the relationship gets older. 

You see those small surprises your boyfriend likes bringing home after work? Appreciate them. It means he took time to choose the gift and was thinking of you during the day. 

It feels bad when you go out of your way to do something nice for someone, and they do not appreciate the gesture. It is the small things that matter in a relationship: the hugs and stolen kisses.

If you used to hug and kiss your boyfriend before and after work, do not stop. Please don’t take the fact that he is with you for granted.

5. You Are Too Busy

In this technological age, people are working too much. You carry your work with you all the time. Unfortunately, the relationship takes a back seat. If you are always busy, your boyfriend may lose passion for you. 

Fran Greene, a licensed therapist and author of Dating Again with Courage and Confidence, says, “Life is complicated, you each have multiple priorities, and often the couple goes to the bottom of the to-do list,” which makes the spark fade. 

Even though you have many things needing your attention, prioritize your relationship. Lori Salkin, a relationship expert, says, “Whether you intentionally or subconsciously pull away, it definitely can make the spark fade and even disappear.”

6. You Are No Longer Interested In Sex

If you are no longer interested in sex, your boyfriend will lose passion for you. When you started dating, you were all over each other, and you could have sex at every opportunity.

However, as time passes, you feel your sex drive has reduced, and you are no longer interested in sex. 

This is common in a relationship; however, you should try to rekindle your sex life to get back your boyfriend’s passion. 

Signs You Have No Passion In The Relationship.  

If you suspect your boyfriend has lost passion for you, you will worry and want to see it coming so you can get back his passion. Some of the signs that your boyfriend has no passion for you include the following; 

  • You don’t check up on each other during the day– when you started dating, you would check on each other frequently. If you no longer check on each other, there is no passion. 
  • Boring sex life– according to Weena Cullins, a marriage counselor, couples who have lost passion in relationships tend to have a boring sexual routine instead of getting creative and reigniting the flame. 
  • You don’t make time to talk and laugh– if you do not have time for fun, the spark in the relationship will go off. When you start dating, you play around with your partner; the spark will go off when this stops. 
  • You stop caring about your appearance– when you start dating, you want to look attractive to your partner. So you glam yourself up when going to meet them. However, after some time dating, if you let yourselves go, it will affect your relationship. It is okay to be comfortable but take care not to let yourselves go. 
  • You don’t go out on dates– when many couples get comfortable in a relationship; they stop creating time to go out on dates. I know you are busy but set aside at least one day a week for a simple date night. Date nights don’t have to be fancy; you can make dinner together. 
  • You never get jealous– if you do not fear losing your partner, you have no passion in your relationship. Extreme jealousy is unhealthy, but a little jealous shows you care about your partner and do not want to lose them.

When Is Lack Of Passion Okay In A Relationship 

Contrary to popular belief, a lack of passion in a relationship is not always bad. When the honeymoon phase is over, the passion is bound to fade.

However, a lack of passion does not mean the relationship is doomed. In some cases, less passion is a good thing. 

So, when is a lack of passion okay? Here are some cases when less passion is okay. 

  • You are having less sex– according to Bonnie Winston, a relationship expert, less sex in a relationship should not make you panic; after some time, people tend to have less sex, but it does not mean the relationship is loveless, if you have been in a relationship for a long time, it means you are compatible with your partner.
  • Your partner has become your best friend– in the beginning, your life was about passion, but now things have simmered down a little. Your partner is your friend; you know you have someone supportive you can count on. According to April Davis, Founder of LUMA matchmaking service, a warm intimacy between couples can be a stronger predictor of relationship happiness. 
  • You have improved at communicating– lacking passion can mean improving communication. You no longer have the heated debates and arguments you had initially. You communicate better with respect and have more profound communication.
  • You feel safe- when the relationship loses passion and gets a little boring, you feel safer than when you have a dramatic partner. It is more secure to be in a calmer and more comfortable relationship, especially if you have been in an abusive relationship in the past.
  • It is no longer fun, and things have gotten real- when you have been in a relationship for a while, you start thinking about the future, planning a family, and paying bills. This will not be fun, but it is real. 

How You Can Remedy The Situation

You may want to remedy the situation when your boyfriend has no passion for you; if you worry about losing passion in your relationship. Here are some things you can do.

1. Don’t Blame Yourself

When things are going wrong in the relationship, we tend to blame ourselves; society does not help either because it is seen as the women’s responsibility to maintain a relationship.

However, it is not always your fault, so don’t blame yourself for the passion dwindling. 

We often overthink; what did I do wrong? What should I have done? Was it me?

Well, it may not be you; rekindling the spark takes both parties and a lot of patience.

2. Have A Candid Conversation

It would be best to have a candid conversation when you feel your boyfriend has no passion for you. Tell him what you feel and give options on how you can improve the passion in the relationship. 

When talking to him, ensure you are polite and do not use accusatory language. It may not be anyone’s fault the passion has dwindled. Get a solution together and rekindle the spark.

3. Spend More Time Together

Your boyfriend may have lost passion for you because you are always busy. To rekindle the passion in the relationship, spend more time together. 

Get into activities that keep you out of the house and away from your gadgets. Try out new hobbies together; it will help you learn to be fun and excited around each other. 

If you have neglected date nights, create time for date nights, either once a week or once a month. Moreover, the dates do not have to be fancy.

For instance, you can have a day each week where you make dinner together and talk about your day. On the other hand, you can also have one night a month where you dress up and go out to a fancy dinner date or a club and have fun together.

Get different ideas for date nights, for example; 

  • Go on a walk in the evening under the moonlight.
  • Play a board game.
  • Go to a playground and let out your inner child
  • Watch a movie.
  • Go to a museum or a gallery opening if you are into art.
  • Have a picnic
  • Play video games. 
  • Learn a new skill together.
  • Go to a concert. 

4. Nurture Intimacy in The Relationship

When you lose passion, you may lose intimacy. It would help if you fostered intimacy in your relationship. Have more activities that create romance and emotional intimacy. 

You can text each other sweet nothings during the day, be romantic, play around with your partner, hold hands and steal kisses when you are together.

Complement your partner and appreciate him with gifts. It would also help to learn your boyfriend’s love language and do what he appreciates.

Bottom Line

Passion is important in a relationship. However, it does not mean it is all doom and gloom if you lose passion.  

Your boyfriend can lose passion for you for several reasons; you may be in a rut, he does not find you attractive, or you may have different plans for the future. 

Many signs show your relationship lacks passion; you do not have sex, your sex life is boring, and you do not have fun or check up on each other during the day. 

However, all is not lost; you can rekindle the spark. Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and give him options for rekindling the spark. Have fun together and create time to spend together. Last but not least, nurture intimacy in the relationship.

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