In this article, we will examine why your girlfriend always finds faults in you and what you can do about it.
All relationships have their ups and downs. The honeymoon phase of the relationship lasts a short time.
However, we all want to be in a relationship with someone who is supportive and is there for us through thick and thin.
Having a girlfriend who finds fault in you can be frustrating and demotivating. It can make you feel like you can never do anything right and can damage your self-esteem.
According to Dr. Steven Stosny, a therapist, constant criticism can be a sign of emotional abuse. He says, “Criticism is emotional abuse disguised as an intellectual observation.”
However, if your girlfriend only criticizes you when you are wrong, you should take constructive criticism and improve yourself.
Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Always Finds Fault In You
There could be many reasons why your girlfriend constantly finds faults in you. Some of the reasons include;
1. She Is No Longer Interested In You
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, she is no longer interested in you. When you lose interest in someone, you will not see anything good they do.
If your girlfriend is annoyed by every small thing you do, she is not interested in you anymore.
She finds fault in everything you do to frustrate you and see if you will get tired of her and end the relationship.
For instance, if you bring your girlfriend a gift and she starts finding fault in the gift, maybe she says you didn’t get the color she wanted or the design is wrong; she is trying to frustrate you because she is no longer interested in you.
2. She Wants You To Break Up With Her
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, she wants you to break up with her.
Sometimes your girlfriend may be frustrating you and faulting your every move because she wants to break up but doesn’t want to initiate the breakup process.
She will frustrate you so that you can get annoyed and initiate the breakup process.
For example, if your girlfriend always finds fault in you, she wants you to break up with her because she doesn’t want to be the bad one in the breakup.
For instance, once, my ex wanted to break up with me but didn’t want to be the bad one.
He kept frustrating me and telling me everything I did was wrong; there was nothing good I could do in his eyes; even the things he liked he suddenly hated. Finally, after a while, he told me I didn’t take hints and broke up with me.
So, your girlfriend may be the same; she could be frustrating you because she wants you to break up with her.
3. She Wants To Make You Feel Guilty
Girls will go to great lengths to make you feel guilty if you have wronged them. So, if your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you may have done something to piss her off, and she is trying to make you feel guilty.
For instance, if she finds you looking at other females online or texting other women, she will want to make you feel guilty and will always find fault in what you do.
On the other hand, your girlfriend may be petty and make you feel guilty for something insignificant. She may blame you for something that was out of your control.
4. She Is Cheating On You
Your girlfriend may find fault in you if she is cheating on you. If your girlfriend has found someone better, she will always find fault in you.
When your girlfriend is cheating on you, she will not have the courage to talk to you about it, and she may start projecting by accusing you of cheating.
If you are wondering if your girlfriend is cheating on you, some signs that she is cheating include;
- She starts lying about her whereabouts.
- She doesn’t want you to see her phone.
- She is talking on her phone at weird hours of the night.
- She is distracted when you talk to her.
- She doesn’t talk about a future with you.
- She is too busy for you.
- She is no longer intimate with you.
- She may change her dress code.
If you catch your girlfriend lying, she will divert the topic and start blaming you for things that may not even be real. Then, she will redirect your argument into other petty things to avoid discussing the issue.
5. She is insecure
If your girlfriend is insecure, she may always find fault in you. According to Dr. John M. Grohol, a psychologist, “People who are insecure tend to be more critical of others, in part because they feel threatened by other people.”
So, if your girlfriend is insecure, her insecurities will make her always find fault in you. For instance, if your girlfriend is insecure about her looks, she will feel threatened when you talk to other attractive women and may start accusing you of cheating with them.
So, if your girlfriend liked your vibes before, she may start finding fault in everything you do and may take your words for sympathy.
Therefore, if your girlfriend feels insecure, she will project her fears onto you and find fault in everything you do.
For instance, my friend is from a well-to-do family, and the boyfriend is not. The boyfriend is insecure about this, and every time she gives him something, he faults her because he thinks she is gifting her as a “show off.”
6. She Has Had Bad Past Experiences
Sometimes your girlfriend may always find fault in you because of her past experiences. For example, if your girlfriend was in an abusive relationship, either emotional or physical, she will be over-vigilant in everything you do.
As Dr. Stosny says, criticism is emotional abuse disguised as intellectual observation. So, if she was in an emotionally abusive relationship, where her ex constantly criticized her, she may think this is the right way to love and criticize you too.
On the other hand, if your girlfriend finds fault in you, she could be from a physically abusive relationship.
For instance, if you try to play with her, she may think you want to hit her and will criticize you.
Moreover, if she grew up in an environment of constant criticism, she knows this as the only way to love and believes that’s how the world should be.
7. She Has Unrealistic expectations
If your girlfriend has unrealistic expectations, she always finds fault in you. For example, sometimes your girlfriend wants you to do things you may not afford to do at that particular time and may criticize you for not doing them.
For instance, you may have just bought a house and moved in with your girlfriend, and she wants you to buy her a new car and furnish the house with expensive things you can’t afford at the moment. She may criticize you for not meeting her unrealistic expectations.
8. She Is Mad At You
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, she may be mad at you. You never see anything good they say or do when angry at someone.
So, if your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you may have done something to make her angry, and she is not opening up to you about it.
For instance, if your girlfriend asks you to help her with house chores and you don’t want to, she will be mad at you, and even if you try to do something else for her, she may still harbor anger and will fault you even if you do the right things.
9. She Wants To Change You
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, she may want to change you. Every girl has a picture of her dream man in her mind.
So, your girlfriend may always find fault in you if she thinks she can change you to become the man of her dreams.
For instance, we all want a sensitive man who is a good listener and appreciates us. So, if you are not your girlfriend’s dream man, she will always find fault in you because she wants you to become like the man she pictures in her mind.
10. It’s all a misunderstanding
Sometimes your girlfriend may fault you because of a mere misunderstanding. You may do something with good intentions, but she finds it offensive.
For instance, you may tell her something to correct her, but she sees it as you belittling her. On the other hand, you may be spending less time with her because you have to work, but she will see it as you avoiding her.
How Does Your Girlfriend Always Finding Fault In You Affect The Relationship
Constant criticism can have a negative impact on a relationship. According to psychologist John Gottman, criticism is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships.
Gottman found that criticism is highly related to the eventual breakup of a relationship as it creates a toxic environment that is difficult to come back from.
Some of the effects of constant criticism are;
- It erodes trust– when your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you will lose trust in her and will not want to open up to her because she will find fault in everything you say and do.
- Creates resentment– if your girlfriend is constantly criticizing you, you may harbor anger towards her, which will develop into resentment with time.
- Emotional distance– if your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you will emotionally distance yourself from her. You will no longer want to be intimate or spend time with her as you do not want her to criticize you.
- Feelings of insecurity- if your girlfriend constantly criticizes you, you will start feeling insecure and may fear doing things for her as she will criticize them.
- Low self-esteem- Constant criticism from your girlfriend will lower your self-esteem, which may spill over to other aspects of your life. If your girlfriend constantly criticizes you at home, you may start second-guessing your decisions at work or school.
What To Do If Your Girlfriend Always Finds Fault In You
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you will want to find a solution. Here are some steps you can take;
Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship; without communication, a relationship can’t work. So, if your girlfriend always finds fault with you, talk to her. Tell her how the constant criticism makes you feel.
Ensure you use “I” statements to convey your feelings when talking to her, as “You” statements tend to be accusatory.
For instance, you can say, “I feel your constant criticism is making me lose my self-esteem and trust in you.” instead of saying. “You are eroding my self-esteem and trust in you.”
“You” statements tend to make someone feel you blame them for your feelings.
Moreover, communication will help you state your expectations in the relationship to eliminate any misunderstandings.
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you should reflect on your behaviors and actions. Consider how your actions are contributing to the criticism you are receiving, and be open to feedback.
According to Carol Dweck, a psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, having a growth mindset can benefit relationships.
In addition, embracing a growth mindset can help you become more resilient and adaptable in the face of criticism.
3. Seek professional Help
If your girlfriend’s constant criticism is causing significant distress in your relations, you should talk to a professional.
A therapist will give you a safe space to talk about the impact of the constant criticism with your girlfriend. They will also give you tools to help you solve the misunderstandings in the relationship.
Moreover, if your girlfriend is often criticizing you because of past experiences, a therapist will give her the tools to work on her past traumas.
In addition, a trained therapist can help you develop coping mechanisms and create a plan for moving forward with the relationship.
Final Thoughts on My Girlfriend always finds faults in me
Having a girlfriend who always finds fault in you is frustrating and demotivating. There are many reasons why your girlfriend may always find fault in you.
Some of the reasons include; she is no longer interested in you, cheating on you, or being mad at you.
Moreover, if she wants to break up with you, is insecure, or wants to break up with you, she will find fault in everything you do.
If your girlfriend has unrealistic expectations or wants to change you, she will find fault in you.
There are many adverse effects of constant criticism in a relationship, including losing trust in your partner, low self-esteem, and creating emotional distance in the relationship.
Additionally, it leads to resentment and insecurity in the relationship.
If your girlfriend always finds fault in you, you should communicate with her to eliminate any misunderstandings and clearly state your expectations.
In addition, it would help to reflect on your behaviors and actions to see what could be causing the constant criticism. If this doesn’t work, you can seek professional help.
Photo by Keira Burton on Pexels.com
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.