Home » I Love My Wife But Not Sexually Attracted To Her (15 Reasons Why)

I Love My Wife But Not Sexually Attracted To Her (15 Reasons Why)

In this article, we will explore why you love your wife and still not be sexually attracted to her and what you can do.

When you married your wife, you loved and were sexually attracted to her. You couldn’t seem to get enough of each other.

However, as time went by, you seem to have lost the spark and are no longer attracted to her sexually, even if you still love her and care for her. This can be a confusing situation for anyone.

Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion that can evolve over time in a committed relationship.

Moreover, sexual attraction plays a significant role in intimate relationships, and when the attraction fades, it can be concerning.

However, many people find themselves in a situation where they deeply love their wives but are no longer sexually attracted to them.

However, it is important to remember that love encompasses various dimensions, including emotional intimacy, trust, and companionship.

Reasons You Love Your Wife But Not Sexually Attracted To Her

Do you still love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her? Are you wondering why you have lost the spark? Here are several reasons why you lost the spark in the bedroom.

1. Lack Of Communication

Lack of communication is a common reason for losing the spark in the bedroom. Communication is the key to every relationship, and if it is lacking, there are bound to be several breakdowns.

So, if you and your wife do not communicate openly about your desires in the bedroom, you will lose your sexual attraction to her.

You need to spend time alone with your wife and talk about your desires, needs, and wants in the bedroom. Not everything works for everyone, and we all need our sexual needs fulfilled.

So, if your wife does not know your sexual needs, she will not know how to fulfill them. Moreover, she will be doing what she thinks you want when it is, in fact, far from what you would like.

So, you will still love your wife but not be sexually attracted to her if you don’t communicate your sexual desires.

2. Disconnect After Kids

Most couples experience a disconnect after they get kids. You direct all the efforts and love toward the kids.

So, you may love your wife but not be sexually attracted to her if she has directed all her affection and love to the kids.

There will be a rift between you when you are so busy raising children and don’t have time for each other. Your sex life will take a hit because you don’t have time to talk about your desires and needs.

Psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer says, “It’s possible that your focus has shifted away from sexual attraction due to the demands of daily life.

Take time to reconnect with your wife by exploring new experiences together and engaging in open communication.

3. Your Wife’s Body Changed

You may love your wife but not be sexually attracted to her if her body has changed. According to research, men are visual and are attracted to what they see.

So, if you were attracted to your wife because of her looks, you may lose sexual attraction if her body changes.

Women’s bodies are prone to change due to childbirth, hormonal changes, and age. So, if your wife’s body has undergone these changes, you may love her but not be sexually attracted to her.   

Dr. Shannon Kolakowski emphasizes, “Remember that true beauty lies in more than just physical appearance. Focus on appreciating and cherishing the qualities that make your wife unique and special.”

4. Lack Of Work-Life Balance

You love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her if you lack a work-life balance. When you work long hours, you may feel tired when you get home and will not want to engage in sex.

Your libido is low when you are tired, and you will not want to do anything else but sleep. You may hear your wife complain that you fall asleep every time you are together.

Moreover, if your wife works so much or is a stay-at-home mum, she will be tired from running after the kids and keeping your house in order all day.

She may not be interested in lovemaking, and this will also make you lose interest, and you may lose sexual attraction toward her.

5. You Have Health Problems

If you are going through some health problems, such as depression and anxiety, you may feel less sexually attracted to your wife.

Depression and anxiety cause one to have low libido, which will affect your sex life. If your libido is down, you will not have sexual attraction towards your wife.

Moreover, other health conditions, like erectile dysfunction, may also affect your sex life. So, if you cannot perform in the bedroom, you will love your wife but will not be sexually attracted to her.

6. You Have Fallen Into A Rut

When you first got married, you could experiment and have new experiences with each other. However, over time, you may fall into a rut.

So, if you do the same thing the same way all the time, you will eventually get bored. The routine will take away all the excitement in sex.

In a relationship, you need to experiment and have variety and spontaneity in the bedroom to keep the spark alive.

Relationship therapists advise you to experiment with different activities, surprise your partner and try new things in the relationship to reignite the passion.  

7. Prioritizing Emotional Connection

If you love your wife and are not sexually attracted to her, you may have prioritized emotional connection over sexual intimacy.

Strong emotional connection is vital in building a lasting relationship. When you establish a strong emotional connection with your wife, you can share your feelings, ambitions, dreams, and aspirations.

If you prioritize emotional connection in your relationship, you may love your wife but not be sexually attracted to her.

Relationship therapists say you can deepen your emotional bond by engaging in activities that foster vulnerability.

8. Hormonal Imbalance

Hormonal imbalances cause significant changes in our bodies, hormonal changes in both men and women can highly impact sexual desire.

If you suspect your lack of sexual desire is due to hormonal changes, consult with a healthcare professional to explore potential hormonal imbalances and seek appropriate treatment options.

9. Stress And External Factors

Some psychological stressors, such as work pressure, financial concerns, and family responsibilities, may affect sexual desires.

When you are stressed, your libido takes a hit, and you will lose sexual attraction to your wife even if you still love her.

For instance, when you have a lot of stress at work, maybe your boss is on your case, or you have an urgent project you need to finish, you may have low libido.

Moreover, if you have financial stress, you may experience low libido. Money issues are the most common complaint in many marriages.

So, if you have financial troubles in your marriage, you will lose sexual attraction to your wife.

10. Unresolved Conflicts

If you have unresolved issues with your wife, you will love her but not be sexually attracted to her.

When you are mad at your wife, you will not be sexually attracted to her. Moreover, these unresolved issues may cause more problems in your marriage and lead to separation or divorce.

When you have problems in the relationship, you should always discuss and resolve them as soon as possible to avoid piling up issues.

11. Body Image Concerns

Sometimes your sexual attraction toward your wife is affected by your body image.

If you don’t love your body, you will lose sexual attraction toward your wife because you will assume your wife has the same concerns about your body.

For instance, if you have had an accident that changes your body significantly, you may have a negative body image, and it will affect your sexual desire.

Moreover, if your body has undergone hormonal changes, you may develop a negative body image.

For instance, if you had a chiseled body at the beginning of the relationship and have gained weight in the cause of the relationship, you may develop body image concerns which can impact your sexual attraction towards your wife.

12. Lack Of Personal Fulfillment And Self-Care

When you neglect your self-care and personal fulfillment, you may lose sexual interest in your partner.

When you neglect yourself, you will lose interest in the things that made you happy, including your wife.

For instance, if you need a lot of me time to recharge and don’t get it, you will lose your personal joy, impacting your sex life.

Moreover, if you neglect the things that make you happy, like playing video games, going for a hike, or playing a sport, you will feel unfulfilled, which may make you lose sexual attraction towards your wife.

13. Lack of Exercise

When you neglect exercise in your routine, you will gain weight which may lead to other lifestyle diseases like heart problems and diabetes.

These diseases have a negative impact on your health and cause a decrease in libido for both men and women.  

14. Infidelity

Infidelity is a major cause of lack of sexual attraction towards your wife. If your wife has cheated on you, you may still love her, but you will not be sexually attracted to her.

You will lose trust in your wife if she is not loyal and will not want to have sex with her.

15. You are masturbating

Excessive reliance on masturbation or an exclusive focus on self-pleasure at the expense of engaging in sexual activities with your wife can potentially affect the sexual dynamics and overall attraction within a relationship.

What To Do If You Love Your Wife But Not Sexually Attracted To Her

If you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her, you will want to know how to solve this issue.

You can do several things if you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her. Some include the following;

1. Find Out Why

The first step to solving any issue is knowing the cause. So, if you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her, you need to find out the cause of your feelings.

After knowing the reason, you are not sexually attracted to her; you will know how to approach the problem best.

2. Communicate

Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. So, if you love your wife but are not attracted to her sexually, you should have an open and honest conversation with her.

Tell her your sexual needs and desires; this will help her know what works for you and what doesn’t.

Moreover, an honest conversation allows you also to understand your wife’s needs and desires.

As you talk to your wife, you can also share your sexual fantasies with each other. This will help you explore and do new things that will get you out of the sexual rut you may be experiencing.

Moreover, talking and sharing with your wife will give you a better emotional connection which will help the overall growth of your relationship.

3. Embrace Your Changing Bodies

If you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her due to your changing bodies, you should learn to embrace your new bodies.

Understand that underneath that new body is the wife you fell in love with and couldn’t keep your hands off of.

You should also remember true beauty lies in more than just physical attraction. Always appreciate and cherish the qualities that make your wife unique and special.

Moreover, if your body has changed in the course of the relationship, learn to love your new body and don’t succumb to societal expectations of a perfect body.

Having a positive body image will make you love yourself more, improving your sex life.                                                                                                                       

4. Avoid Comparisons

If you love your wife and are not sexually attracted to her, you should avoid comparing your relationships to your friends.

Understand that all relationships are unique, and focus on what makes your relationship special.

Focus on the positives of your relationships and not the negatives. This will help you appreciate your wife, and the sexual attraction will eventually return.  

5. Solve Issues

If you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her due to unresolved issues, you should talk to her about what annoys you and solve the problems.

Moreover, it would be best to discuss problems when they arise and not let issues pile up.

6. Prioritize Time Together

If you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her, you should prioritize spending time together with your wife.

If the kids are taking too much of your time, set one day to have a date night with your wife alone.

You can get a babysitter or ask a family member to watch the kids for a night. Get a hotel room and spend some time alone with her.

This will give you time to talk and reconnect. Moreover, making an effort to look good for each other will help get back the lost spark.

7. Seek Professional Help

If you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her, you should seek professional help.

If you have health issues, a doctor will help you solve these issues; when you are well, you will regain your libido and sexual attraction for your wife.

Moreover, if you are dealing with psychological issues, like anxiety and depression, which affect your libido, a therapist will help you deal with the problems.

They may even recommend drugs to help you regain your sexual spark.

Additionally, if you are not attracted to your wife because of infidelity, a couple’s therapist will help you maneuver the issue and build trust in the relationship, bringing back your sexual attraction.

Parting Shot

It is concerning and confusing when you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her. There are many reasons you may love your wife and not be sexually attracted to her.

These reasons include; lack of communication, body image issues, disconnect after kids, and infidelity.

Suppose you love your wife but are not sexually attracted to her. In that case, you should have an open and honest conversation, prioritize time together, seek professional help, embrace your body, and talk about your problems.


Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Leave a Comment

Scroll to Top