In this article, we will look at signs he is forcing himself to love you and what to do.
We all want someone who genuinely and fully loves us for who we are. However, love is complicated; sometimes, the people we love don’t love us, and we don’t love those who love us.
That being said, you may find that a man is forcing himself to love you. Forcing love sounds absurd, but a man may force himself to love you for many reasons.
For instance, if he sees you as a good person, he may force himself to love you to benefit from you.
He may also think he should be interested in you, but he is not and forces himself to love you.
He may also be forcing himself to love you if he is desperate to be in a relationship. Sadly, most people don’t know when they are forcing themselves to love someone.
If you think you are in a relationship and your partner is forcing himself to love you, you need to know the signs he is forcing himself to love you to avoid prolonged emotional distress.
Signs He Is Forcing Himself To Love You
If you think a guy is forcing himself to love you, there are several signs you can look out for. Some of these signs include the following.
1. He Wants A Break
Ending a relationship is distressing for everyone and parties involved, and most people are afraid to end relationships, so they tend to test the waters with a break.
So, if he asks you for a break out of the blues, he is forcing himself to love you, and he doesn’t have the courage to break up with you and wants to test the waters and see how you will react or how life will be without you.
However, asking for a break is not necessarily bad in all cases. Sometimes he may be going through something and needs to handle it alone.
So, if he asks for a break, don’t jump to the conclusion he is forcing himself to love you.
Ensure you look for more signs he is forcing himself to love you when he asks for a break.
So, if he asks for a break multiple times, he wants the relationship to end, and he may ask for breaks to frustrate you so you can end the relationship.
2. He Doesn’t Talk About Difficult Topics
If he is forcing himself to love you, he will not want to discuss difficult issues in the relationship.
When you are going through a rough patch, he would rather sweep the issue under the rug instead of talking about it.
When you are in a long-term relationship, there are bound to be difficult topics you need to discuss.
If your partner doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship, he is forcing himself to love you.
Dr. Jason Carter suggests, “Relationships inevitably face conflicts, and resolving them is crucial for growth. If your partner constantly avoids or dismisses conflicts, it may indicate a reluctance to engage emotionally.”
When you are committed to a long-term relationship, you will talk about anything and everything with your partner.
So, if he tries to avoid some topics at all costs, he is forcing himself to love you and doesn’t see a future with you.
3. He Doesn’t Want To About The Future
When you love someone, you dream about the beautiful future you will create together. You will daydream about your kids and be excited about what you can build.
However, if he is forcing himself to love you, he will not want to talk about the future because he doesn’t see you in his future.
Moreover, a person forcing themselves to love you will not include you in their plans. Something as simple as planning a vacation will be an uphill task because he doesn’t know if you will be together by the time the plans pan out.
Samantha Wright, therapist, and social worker, highlights, “A partner who avoids discussing or making future plans with you may be indicating a lack of genuine feelings of commitment. This behavior suggests they might be forcing themselves to continue the relationship.”
If your boyfriend is forcing himself to love you, he will avoid discussing where the relationship is going.
4. You Initiate Everything
If he is forcing himself to love you, you will be the one initiating everything in the relationship.
Think about it, were you the first to say “I love you,” are you the only one planning dates? Are you the only one bringing up the future?
If you answered yes, to these questions, you are the one who initiates everything in the relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being the initiator, but if you constantly do it and your man doesn’t initiate anything, then you have a problem.
A relationship is a partnership, and you should both put effort into making things work. If your partner doesn’t want to do anything in the relationship, he is forcing himself to love you.
He may be with you for the ride and forcing himself to love you to enjoy the perks of the relationship a little longer.
5. He Tries To Change You
When a man genuinely loves you, he will love you unconditionally. However, if he is forcing himself to love you, there will be a but in his love.
For instance, he loves you, but he doesn’t like how you talk, or he loves you, but he doesn’t like how you dress.
When forcing himself to love you, he will find problems with some of the things you do; it may start with small things but progress to more important ones.
If he is always pointing out your mistakes and trying to tell you what to do and how to live your life. He may disapprove of how you get excited over little things.
For instance, I once dated a guy who said I talked too loud and that I should talk in a lower voice.
He pointed this out numerous times during the relationship, and I was forced almost to whisper when talking because my voice is naturally loud.
So, if your boyfriend wants to change all the normal things about you, from your clothes, foods you like, or interests to suit his likes, he is forcing himself to love you.
6. He doesn’t make you feel special
If your partner doesn’t make you feel special, it could be a sign that he is forcing himself to love you. A healthy relationship thrives on making each other feel cherished, appreciated, and valued.
When your significant other consistently fails to recognize your worth or fails to invest time and effort into making you feel special, it may indicate that his love for you is insincere or forced.
Genuine love is accompanied by a desire to shower your partner with affection, surprise them with thoughtful gestures, and create moments that celebrate your connection.
If these gestures of love and appreciation are absent, it might be time to reflect on whether your partner’s feelings for you are genuine or if he is simply forcing himself to love you.
7. He is critical of you
If he is consistently critical of you, it may be a telling sign that he is forcing love.
When someone truly loves and cares for their partner, they usually exhibit understanding, support, and encouragement.
However, if his words and actions are mostly filled with negativity, judgment, and fault-finding, it could indicate a deeper issue.
Constant criticism can erode your self-esteem and create a toxic atmosphere in the relationship. Pay attention to his tone, body language, and the underlying message conveyed by his critical remarks.
Remember, a healthy and loving relationship thrives on mutual respect, kindness, and constructive feedback rather than relentless criticism.
8. He’s always making excuses
If your partner constantly makes excuses, it may be a clear sign that he is forcing himself to love you.
When someone genuinely loves another person, they embrace their presence wholeheartedly and make time for them without hesitation.
However, if your partner consistently finds excuses to avoid spending quality time with you, it could indicate a lack of genuine emotional investment.
These excuses may range from work-related obligations to sudden changes in plans, leaving you feeling unimportant and neglected.
Pay attention to the frequency and consistency of his excuses, which can indicate underlying feelings of indifference or resentment.
Remember, love, should not be forced or manufactured; it should be a natural and effortless expression of affection and devotion.
9. He is unhappy
If he’s unhappy, it could be a clear sign that he is forcing love on you. Genuine love is typically accompanied by joy, contentment, and a sense of fulfillment.
However, if he constantly appears unhappy, disconnected, or disengaged in the relationship, it may indicate his feelings for you are not genuine or authentic.
Look for subtle cues in his behavior, such as a lack of enthusiasm, frequent sighs, or a distant gaze.
Pay attention to his overall demeanor and whether he seems genuinely excited and fulfilled when spending time with you.
10. He Was Desperate When You Met
If he was desperate to be in a relationship when you met, he might be forcing himself to love you. So, does your boyfriend love you, or does he love being in a relationship?
Some people fear being alone and will get into relationships with people they don’t love, so they can’t be alone. They are convinced it’s better to be in an unfulfilling relationship than to be alone.
So, if your boyfriend was desperate to be in a relationship when you met, he may be forcing himself to love you.
Moreover, his friends or family may press him to be in a relationship and decide to date you to keep them off his back.
On the other hand, he may have been in relationships that didn’t work and feels pressured to settle down.
Some people have a map of how their life should look, and if he is past the age he thought he should have settled down, he may be forcing himself to love you so that he can settle down.
11. You Are Not A Priority
When you start dating, your worlds revolve around each other; your partner is your priority.
However, this changes as most relationships progress, you may not be the only priority, but you will still be a priority.
So, if your partner is forcing love, you will not be his priority. If you feel like your partner prioritizes his friends or family over you, he may be forcing himself to love you.
Does he pick up your calls when you call or call you when he misses your calls? Does he make sacrifices for you and the relationship?
If he misses your calls, doesn’t return missed calls, doesn’t make sacrifices for you, and never informs you when he can’t make an appointment, he is forcing himself to love you and won’t prioritize you.
12. He Keeps You A Secret
If you are dating someone who keeps you and your relationship a secret, he is forcing himself to love you.
When someone loves you deeply, they want to tell anyone who cares to listen that they love you. However, if they are forcing themselves to love you, they will hide you from their world.
So, if your boyfriend hides you from his friends and doesn’t want to meet your family or his, he is forcing himself to love you.
Moreover, if he doesn’t invite you to his house, he doesn’t want you to bump into someone who knows him because he doesn’t want anyone to know you are together.
13. He Lacks Intimacy
If your partner puts physical intimacy above emotional love language and intimacy, he is forcing himself to love you.
So, if your boyfriend is only intimate with you when he wants sex, he is forcing himself to love you and is only there for physical intimacy.
According to Psychologist Dr. Rebecca Turner, Intimacy extends beyond physical connection. If your partner constantly avoids emotional, physical chemistry or intellectual intimacy, it may indicate they are forcing themselves to maintain the relationship.
So, if your partner is only intimate with you when he wants sex and will not give you attention other times, he doesn’t love you. Emotional intimacy is essential to build and keep a relationship going.
You need someone to talk to and lean on during tough times and talk about your problems. So, if you can’t lean on your boyfriend, he is forcing himself to love you.
14. He Isn’t Genuinely Excited To See You
When you are in a healthy relationship, you can’t wait to see your partner, and you are genuinely happy to see them and spend time together.
Genuine interest and physical attraction is hard to fake, so if your boyfriend is not genuinely excited to be with you, he is forcing himself to love you.
For instance, if your boyfriend is having a good time with his friends and changes his mood when you appear, he is forcing himself to love you.
15. He Doesn’t Support You
Someone who loves you should be your number-one supporter. So, if your boyfriend doesn’t support you, he is forcing himself to love you.
Does your partner support your career? Does he encourage you to take up new challenges? Is he supportive of your ambitions?
A loving boyfriend will be your biggest support; he will be there to hold your hands when you are going through tough times and support you through all the difference, good and the bad.
If your boyfriend doesn’t support anything you do and is not there to offer a shoulder to lean on when you’re going through a rough patch, he is forcing himself to love you.
What To Do If He Is Forcing Himself To Love You
I know it is hard to hear he is forcing himself to love you. So, what do you do if the relationship feels forced?
Always know that you deserve someone who gives you the same love you give them. You need someone who genuinely loves you for who you are.
If he is forcing himself to love you, you should talk to him and ask him what he wants out of the relationship.
If your needs and his don’t align, you can try to find a middle ground but do not compromise your values for him.
Moreover, if he is forcing himself to love you, you should know you deserve better and leave the relationship.
Look for the right person to love; you are worthy of love and deserve all the love you try to give.
In conclusion, it is essential to pay attention to the signs he is forcing himself to love you.
Many signs indicate he is forcing himself to love you; some of the signs include constantly asking for a break, not discussing his true feelings on difficult topics, and not discussing his real intentions for the future.
Moreover, if you initiate everything, he tries to change you, keeps you a secret, does not prioritize you, does not make you feel special, is critical of you, is always making excuses, he is forcing himself to love you.
These signs suggest a lack of genuine feeling and may indicate that his love for you is insincere or forced.
Remember, a healthy and fulfilling relationship should be based on mutual love, respect, and support.
If these signs persist, addressing the underlying issues may be important and considering whether the relationship is truly built on authentic love and compatibility.
Moreover, if you initiate everything, he tries to change you, keeps you a secret, or does not prioritize you, he is forcing himself to love you.
Photo by Luiz Woellner Fotografia: https://www.pexels.com/photo/young-couple-embracing-in-the-street-16948948/
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.