You have been seeing this guy for a while now but he has not asked you to be his girlfriend. What does this mean?
Some men are afraid of commitment and will not talk about the subject if they can. They will duck and dodge the topic for as long as humanly possible. Being in a relationship is not a priority for many men.
According to Julia Spira, a cyber-dating expert, and author, a man is normally the first to fall in love and will usually say “I love you” to a woman first. However, labels mean more women than men.
It can get weird when you go to introduce your guy to your friend and colleagues, and you do not know whether to call him your boyfriend or not.
So, why isn’t he asking you to be his girlfriend? If he acts like you are an important part of his love life.
In this article, we will examine why he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend and what you can do about it.
Reasons He Isn’t Asking You To Be His Girlfriend
Women like labels in a relationship and will want to put a label on the relationship she is in.
However, men may want to avoid putting labels on relationships as they believe the labels come with commitments.
Here are several reasons why he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend.
1. He Isn’t Ready For A Relationship
If he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, he is not ready to be in a relationship. According to Spira, a man who doesn’t want to be in a relationship will string you along and not commit to you.
Sometimes a man is not ready for a relationship and will not tell you. Instead, he will want to string you along until he is ready.
On the other hand, some men view relationships as responsibilities and will not want to be in a relationship because he is not prepared for them.
For instance, when you define a healthy relationship, you want your boyfriend to move in with you. But, unfortunately, this comes with bills that he may want to avoid paying.
2. He Is Seeing Other People
If the guy you are seeing is seeing other people, he will not want to ask you to be his girlfriend. Sometimes a man could be seeing many people at the same time and cannot choose who he wants to be his girlfriend.
Moreover, he could have many female friends and does not see the need to be in a relationship with anyone. Additionally, he could be a player and will not want the inconvenience of being in a relationship.
Moreover, he could only be interested in a relationship at certain times of the year, not others as he is probably in a long-distance relationship. If he is seeing other people, he is not a person worth your time.
3. He Is Not That Into You
If you have seen each other for more than a year and he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, it could mean he is not that into you.
I know it’s cliché, but it happens a lot. He might like you, but he doesn’t want to make you his girlfriend or fully commit.
This can be really confusing for you if someone keeps you around and tries to make you happy but will not commit to you being in his life. But, if someone wants to be with you, he would. So, it is no use sticking around.
4. He Already Has A Girlfriend
Unfortunately, men will want to have other relationships even when they are in relationships. If he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, he may already have a girlfriend, and he does not want to break up with her to be with you and thus string you along to satisfy his ego.
If you suspect he has a girlfriend, getting yourself out of the picture would be best. Some of the signs you can look out for to know if he already has a girlfriend include the following;
- He doesn’t show you off on social media.
- He will not introduce you to his family and friends.
- Your calls go unanswered.
- He is not available all the time when you need him.
- He makes excuses when you cannot reach him.
- He will avoid going to certain places with you.
- He will always be on his phone.
- He does not have time for you.
- He doesn’t talk about the future with you.
- He doesn’t want you to go to his place.
- You find other women’s things in his car and house.
5. He Is Not Over His Ex
He Isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend because he is not over his ex. When a man is not over his ex, he will shy away from getting into another relationship.
He may be in constant contact with the ex and hopes they will get back together. So he is spending time with you temporarily.
A man may also not want to bring emotional baggage from a previous relationship into the new relationship and is waiting to heal before he asks you to be his girlfriend.
6. He Got What He Wants
According to Kelvin Carr, relationship expert and author of What I’ve Learned About Dating, if hegets what he wants, he finds no need to be in a relationship.
It is a classic case of if he gets the milk for free, he does not need to buy the cow. So, if your guy is getting what he wants from you or other people, he’ll not want to be in a relationship and will not ask you to be his girlfriend.
For instance, if you give him sex, affection and attention he would want from a relationship, he may not ask you to be his girlfriend; after all, you, he, are getting all the benefits of a girlfriend without the responsibility of being in a relationship.
7. You Intimidate Him
He may not want to ask you to be his girlfriend because you intimidate him. Sometimes we think we are warm and approachable, but other people find us intimidating.
He wants to ask you to be his girlfriend, but he is afraid you will reject him, and he does not want to go through the pain of rejection.
8. You Made It Too Easy For Him
If you are in a relationship where you do everything for your boyfriend, he will not ask you to be his girlfriend.
For instance, if you spend a lot of time with him or live with him and do everything for him like making his bed, doing his laundry, and everything in the house, he will not ask you to be his girlfriend.
If you already do the girlfriend’s duty without actually being his girlfriend, he’ll not have the incentive to ask you to be his girlfriend.
Take, for instance, if you graduate high school and get an amazing house, have a good car, and make a decent salary at the end of the month. Will you want to go to college? Probably not.
The same applies to being in a relationship; if you make it too easy for him, he will not ask you to be his girlfriend because he has all the benefits of you being his girlfriend. So Carr says you should stop playing wife and take a step back.
9. He Is Focused On Other Priorities In His Life
If he is not asking you to be his girlfriend, he could be focusing on other things in his life like school or work.
For instance, if your guy is chasing a promotion at work, he may not have time to be in a serious relationship, and he will not ask you to be his girlfriend. Moreover, if he is in school, he may want to focus on his studies before he gets into a relationship.
Additionally, if he is focusing on being more financially stable, in that case, he may not want to ask you to be his girlfriend before he gets to a point where he feels stable enough to be in a relationship.
What Should You Do If He Isn’t Asking You To Be His Girlfriend
If you are seeing someone who is not asking you to be his girlfriend, you will worry about where the relationship is headed and may want to know what to do in the situation.
Here are several things you can do if he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend.
1. Have a candid conversation with him
If you are seeing someone who is not asking you to be his girlfriend, have an open and honest conversation about your expectations.
Ensure you are polite when talking to him, and do not make him feel you are accusing him of not asking you to be his girlfriend.
You must articulate your needs and your expectations in the relationship. He will also tell you what he expects from the relationship.
If your expectations align, you should find a way to move forward with the relationship and wait for him to ask you to be his girlfriend.
However, if your expectations and needs do not align, it may be time to end the relationship and look for someone who can satisfy your needs and vice versa.
2. Take A Step Back
If he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend because he is already getting what he wants, you should take a step back.
Do not be too available for him. It is time to stop doing wife duties if you have been doing them. A man will not pay for something he is getting for free. So, if you can take away the milk, he will have the incentive to buy the cow.
Moreover, you can focus on other aspects of your life and better yourself. He’ll come looking for you if he wants to be with you.
When he does, you should stipulate what you want from the relationship and not settle for less than you deserve.
3. Assess The Relationship
If he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, assess the relationship and where you want it to go.
Are you happy with how things are? Do you want the relationship to progress? These questions will help you know where you want the relationship to be.
However, when assessing the relationship, ensure you do not take so much into account other people’s options and forget what you want.
For instance, if your girlfriends tell you your relationship should be at a certain stage, and you feel comfortable with where you are, trust your feelings.
It is okay to be happy without labels in relationships. If this is your preference, by all means, enjoy the relationship. However, don’t let other people’s opinions drive you into making a decision you will regret later.
You can air your own frustrations and expectations if you want to be exclusive with him. If he does not want to be exclusive, you are free to go out with other people and get someone who wants what you want.
The whole point of being in a healthy relationship is happiness, so do what makes you happy.
4. Focus On Your Happiness
If he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, the best you can do for yourself at this moment is focus on your own happiness. Do what makes you happy, as you wait for him to ask.
For instance, you can focus on your work or school. Focus on the same things that make you happy. For example, if you like going out with friends, spend time hanging out with your friends more.
In addition, you can use this time you have dedicated to him to take up a new hobby or, better, a skill. I know you will miss him but try to take the limelight from him and put it on yourself.
You deserve the attention and affection he is not giving you. After all, you can love yourself better than he can love you.
5. Ask Him Out
I know people will come for my neck for this advice, but if you like a guy and you see he likes you too and is afraid to ask you to be his girlfriend, ask him.
There is a stereotype that a guy is the one who should ask you out. But it is okay to make the first move. You cannot let the guy of your dreams pass you by because he is afraid to ask you to be his girlfriend.
If you have known a guy for some time and don’t see signs of him asking you out soon, take the bull by the horns and ask him out.
I mean, the worst that can happen is him saying no. Trust yourself and make the first move.
6. Consider Moving On
If he is not asking you to be his girlfriend because he is hung up on his ex or has another girlfriend, it is time to move on.
You do not want to be in a relationship with someone who likes someone else or is hung up on their ex. If you do, you will find yourself dealing with emotional baggage you would rather do without.
Moreover, it is time to move on if he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend because he isn’t into you. No one wants to hang around someone who doesn’t love them.
You deserve someone who loves you completely, flaws and all. So, if he can’t love you for you, it is time to call it quits.
If you like a guy and you guys have known each other for some time, and he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, you may wonder why he is taking his sweet time.
There are many reasons he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend; some of these include; he isn’t ready for a relationship, he is still hung up on his ex, he is seeing other people, or he is focusing on himself.
Moreover, he may not want to ask you to be his girlfriend if you intimate him or he has a girlfriend.
There are many signs that someone has a girlfriend; he may not pick up your call or want to meet his family and friends. He’ll also want to avoid being seen with you in public.
If you are wondering what to do if he isn’t asking you to be his girlfriend, have an honest conversation, tell him your expectations, and hear his.
You should also take a step back and evaluate the relationship. If you decide it is not what you want, you can consider moving on.
On the other hand, if he is afraid to ask you to be his girlfriend because he fears rejection, you can take matters into your own hands and ask him out.
Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on pexels.com
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.