In this article, we will examine why they come back after rejecting you and what you can do when they come back.
Rejection is painful, It will crash you when you muster the courage to tell someone how you feel about them, and they do not reciprocate your feelings.
However, it is never all doom and gloom. Sometimes someone who rejected you may come back to you. You can get into a tailspin when someone who rejected you comes back to you.
You do not know why they came back in the first place, and you do not know if they will stick with you or break your heart again.
Why They Come Back After Rejecting You
It is confusing when someone rejects you and then comes back to you. However, you shouldn’t assume everyone who rejects you doesn’t like you.
Here are reasons why they come back after rejecting you.
1. You Are With Someone Better
Sometimes someone will reject you and then come back to you if they see you with someone better than them.
Most people find something attractive if other people like it too. In this case, if you are with someone else, the person who rejected you sees you as desirable because someone else finds you desirable.
Robert Greene’s book, The Art of Seduction, describes this scenario well. It says, “Desire is both imitative (we like what others like) and competitive (we want to take away from others what they have). This sense of rivalry makes people compete for attention.”
So, if you remained single, the person would not come back to you because if no one likes you, you are not desirable to them.
However, when you are with someone else, they ask themselves if there is something you have to offer that they did not consider when rejecting you.
However, the sad thing is someone who wants you because you are with someone else doesn’t love you for you.
They just want the prize that someone else has. It’s their competitive instincts kicking in.
2. You Are Doing Well
This is one of the reasons why they come back after rejecting you, and this especially applies to men. If you are in a better position financially, a woman who rejected you will come back.
I know many men have been in this position. You ask a girl out, but they reject you because you are not doing well financially.
Then when you have your life together, get a good job, start dressing well, and have some money to throw around, they will come back to you.
Unfortunately, most women do not want to grow with you. However, it is not entirely their fault. Naturally, women want someone who can support them.
So, they will reject you if they think you cannot support them because you are not working or have a stable income.
On the other hand, if you are a woman, a man may reject you if they do not perceive you as attractive.
However, if you improve your look, such as changing your dressing, losing a few pounds, and wearing makeup, they will suddenly flock to your inbox.
So, should you take someone who comes back after rejecting you because you are doing well? This is entirely up to you.
You should not take someone with you just for the money; you need someone who loves you for more than the financial support you can give them.
If you are a lady, you need someone who can look at you beyond your physical attractiveness.
It is cliché, I know, but get someone who sees your inner beauty. Looks fade, but who you are inside remains when all else is gone.
3. They Were In A Relationship
If someone rejects you and comes back later, they could have been in a relationship when you first asked them out.
Sometimes you may think someone is single, and they will not mention they are in a relationship.
However, it will not change the fact that they are involved with someone else. They may not want to reveal their private affairs.
For instance, I was in a relationship on the rocks once, and a guy expressed interest during this time.
I knew the relationship was unhealthy, but I was still holding on; God knows why; after some months of it not working, I called it quits and hit up the guy I had turned down months earlier.
So, they might be in a situation like I was in. When they are no longer in a relationship, they will likely return to you even after rejecting you.
After all, it’s not that they were not interested; they were just committed somewhere else.
4. They Were Not Over Their Previous Relationship
Sometimes someone will reject you if they have not healed from their previous relationship.
For example, if your love interest was in a bad relationship, they might want some time to heal from the relationship.
Moreover, it could be that they are not over their ex and are taking the time to get over them. Giving them time to get over the ex and heal would be prudent because you do not want to be the rebound.
So, when they get over their ex and are ready to pursue another relationship, they may return to you.
If you ask me, this is the best way to move on because they will not come with baggage from the previous relationship. After all, you shouldn’t bleed on people who did not cut you.
5. They Regret Rejecting You
If someone comes back to you after rejecting you, they have regretted their decision and have seen that rejecting you was a big mistake.
Related Reading: 15 Signs She Regrets Rejecting You
According to psychologist Theresa DiDonato, regret is one of the major reasons someone gets back with their ex, as they see leaving them as a mistake.
Sometimes someone will reject you and, after a while, realize they made a colossal mistake rejecting you.
They may have decided to go out with someone else and realized the grass is not always greener on the other side.
They may have rejected you because they have too many choices and chose the wrong person.
According to research, the problem with modern-day relationships is the infinite choices you seem to have, especially if you are using dating apps.
6. They Want Your Attention
Sometimes someone who rejects you will just come back to you to make sure you never get over them.
Like Charlie Puth, the songwriter says in his song Attention, “you just want attention, I knew from the start, you are just making sure I’m never getting over you.”
Some people are like a bad cold; they come back whenever you think you are finally getting over them.
They do not come back because they want you; they just want your attention and not your heart; as Puth says, they just hate the thought of you with someone new.
My experience, I have an ex; we had an on-and-off relationship for almost 18 months.
He would break my heart, and every time I almost got over him, he would be back, love-bombing me.
It was an unhealthy relationship that went on for way longer than it should have.
When I finally realized they didn’t want me, they just wanted to keep me shackled to him; I was able to leave him for good and free myself from the emotional abuse.
Related Reading: 14 Signs God Will Bring Him Back
7. They Couldn’t Find Someone Better
The grass is not always greener on the other side, and many people realize this when it’s too late.
Sometimes someone who rejects you will come back to you if they do not find someone better.
It’s unfortunate, but sometimes your ex will call you and tell you they miss you after breaking up with you.
They may contact you after months or years of breaking up with you. This is because they cannot find someone as good as you and want to get back together.
According to DiDonato, when people realize their ex is better than the people they have been going out with, they will try to get back with their ex. However, this realization comes a little too late.
8. They Changed
Human beings are complex, and their emotions are more complex. So, someone may come back after rejecting you because they changed. It is that simple. CHANGE.
We are all growing in many aspects of our lives and change in the process. So, if someone rejects you and comes back, they may have changed.
Maybe they went through something in their lives that changed how they perceive the universe.
By now, you should know everyone is allowed to change their mind, so maybe they changed their mind and figured you are a good match for them.
9. They Are Jealous
One of the most common reasons they come back after rejecting you is if they are jealous of you.
They could be jealous of you if you moved on with your life without a hitch after they rejected you.
They may be jealous of the people you are dating and wish they were still with you and will try to come back to you.
10. They Didn’t Realize You Were Asking Them Out
Sometimes someone can reject you because they did not realize you were trying to ask them out.
For example, there could have been a communication breakdown, or they thought you just wanted to be friends.
You may have drop hints, and they may not be good at picking up on the hints. If you didn’t make yourself clear, they might not have realized you were asking them out. If they realize it after some time, they will come back.
11. They Thought You Would Chase Them
Many girls like the idea of a guy pursuing them, so they don’t say yes instantly. Instead, they want you to put more effort into pursuing them.
So, if you ask a girl out and she rejects you, she may want you to chase her. She will be disappointed if you do not chase her as she expected and may come back after rejecting you.
According to new studies, the chase makes a man more desirable to a woman, so chasing her will make her want you more. Moreover, men like the thrill of the chase.
With this in mind, a woman will reject you in the hopes that you will chase her harder, and if you don’t, she will come back after rejecting you.
After all, she didn’t reject you because she wasn’t interested.
12. Bad Timing
Sometimes you may get someone in a phase of their life when getting into a new relationship is not ideal.
They may be going through something they want to deal with before getting into relationships.
For instance, you may get when they are in the middle of a big project at work that may determine their career progression.
If this is the case, they will not want any distractions from their work and will view a relationship as a distraction.
On the other hand, they may be dealing with family issues they would rather finish before getting into a relationship.
They may also be dealing with an illness and wouldn’t want to get involved with someone during the treatment because they are afraid you will reject them if they open up about it.
The good news is they did not reject you because they didn’t like you; you just caught them at a bad time.
So, they will come back to you after they are done dealing with the issues they are dealing with.
What To Do When They Come Back After Rejecting You
It is confusing when someone comes back after rejecting you, and you may not know what to do. Nevertheless, there are several things you can do.
- Accept them– if they come after rejecting you, you can accept them. But only do so if the reasons for rejecting you were valid and acceptable to you. For instance, if they were in a relationship or dealing with some issues, they wanted to finish before getting into a relationship.
- Reject them– depending on how you view the situation, you can reject them. After all, you may have moved on when they come back to you.
- Ask them to give you time– if someone comes back after rejecting you, you can ask them to give you some time to think about it.
Final Thoughts On Why They Come Back After Rejecting You
Rejection is painful, and no one wants to be rejected, but it happens more often than we want it to. However, someone could come back to you after rejecting you.
They could come back because they regret rejecting you, they were in another relationship, they were jealous, or thought you were doing well.
It is your choice to accept or reject them as they rejected you. However, it would be best if you evaluated why they rejected you in the first place before making a decision.
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.