In a relationship, you want to feel appreciated by your partner, and a lack of appreciation can make you feel down and unloved. If your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, it will make you feel unimportant in her life.
William James, a psychologist, says, “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” So, it is natural to feel bad when your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you.
It is important to find someone who values you as you value yourself and distinguishes you from others the way you distinguish yourself, according to philosopher Adam Smith.
Feeling appreciated is important to every humankind, especially in relationships. Your girlfriend’s appreciation of your efforts in the relationship positively impacts you and helps strengthen the relationship.
A 2020 study showed that expressing appreciation and feeling appreciated in marriage is associated with high marital satisfaction. So, if you don’t feel appreciated, you will be dissatisfied with your relationship.
In this article, we will examine why your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, its effects on you, the signs she doesn’t appreciate you, and what you can do about it. Read on to learn more.
Reasons Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Appreciate You
If you feel your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, you will want to know what you did or didn’t do for her not to appreciate you.
If you are wondering why you are unappreciated, here are some reasons your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you.
1. There is a Communication Breakdown
Communication is the backbone of any relationship. So, if there is a communication breakdown in your relationship, you may feel your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you. In addition, you may feel unappreciated if your girlfriend does not know how to express her feelings.
Girls are generally shy and may not be able to convey their feelings. If this is the case, your duty as the boyfriend is to help her express her feelings better.
On the other hand, it may be that you cannot express your feelings in the relationship. These pent-up feelings will lead to unresolved issues, and you will feel unappreciated.
If your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you because she is shy, spend more time with her and make her comfortable being around you.
This will build her trust in you, and she will have an easier time expressing her feelings to you. Make your girlfriend your friend.
2. You Have Different Expectations
You may feel like your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you if you have different expectations in the relationship. When getting into relationships, we all have different expectations and needs, so if you don’t meet your girlfriend’s expectations, she will not appreciate your efforts.
Therefore, it is important to understand your girlfriend’s expectations and needs before getting into a relationship with them; this will help you cater to her needs. Moreover, you should express your expectation to her to help her love and appreciate you better.
For instance, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, marriage counselor and author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Last, there are many love languages, and we all have our preferred love language.
So, if you do not know your girlfriend’s love language, you will do things that she will not meet her expectations, and you will not feel appreciated when she does not show the enthusiasm you expect from her.
So, it is important to understand each other’s expectations and needs before getting into a relationship.
For example, if your language is acts of service and your girlfriend’s is words of affirmation or gifts, put it out there so everyone can know what to do for the other.
3. There is a Lack of Effort
Relationships need work, and both parties must invest in the relationship to make it work. So, if your girlfriend feels you are not putting enough effort into the relationship, she will stop appreciating you.
Moreover, if your girlfriend feels you are taking her for granted or taking her feelings for granted, she will not appreciate you.
On the other hand, your girlfriend may think that the guy needs to make an effort in the relationship and there is no need for appreciation.
She may think it is your job to make an effort, so she will not appreciate what you do for her. This is an obsolete belief, and both partners should make equal efforts to keep the relationship going.
4. She Has Personal Issues
It is not about you. If your girlfriend is going through personal issues, she may not appreciate you as she should.
We all go through rough patches now and then; these issues may take a toll on our relationships hard as we might try not to have them affect the relationship.
So, if your girlfriend is stressed at work or school, she may be irritable and cranky. Moreover, if your girlfriend is depressed, she may have a hard time finding anything good in her life, and you may be caught in the crossfire. As a result, she may not appreciate the efforts you make in the relationship.
5. You are Incompatible
Sometimes your girlfriend may not appreciate you because you are incompatible. For example, if you have different values, interests, and personalities, you will be incompatible with each other and may feel your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you.
For instance, if you are into sports and your girlfriend is not, she will not appreciate you taking her to a sports bar with hundreds of screaming fans.
Moreover, if she is an introvert and you are an extrovert, she will not appreciate you taking her to places with many rowdy people which you may find fun.
For instance, my boyfriend is an extrovert, and I am an introvert; he loves watching the games with his boys in sports bars, and they can get really loud.
So, I let him watch the game while I do something at home to relax. Then, if we watch together, we go to a quiet place or watch the game at home.
This way, he gets to do what he loves and spend time with me without making me uncomfortable, and I appreciate this effort.
6. She Is No Longer Interested In You
If your girlfriend is not interested in you anymore, she will not appreciate your efforts anymore. If you notice your girlfriend is losing interest in you, it is important to talk to her to understand why she is losing interest in you and what you can do to get her interest back.
Several signs show your girl is losing interest in you. Some of the signs include;
- She is always busy.
- She doesn’t want to spend time with you.
- You rarely have sex.
- She barely talks to you.
- You are no longer her go-to person for big news.
- You don’t talk about the future.
- You go to important events separately.
- She is cold towards you.
- She is annoyed with you.
- She is not affectionate with your pets anymore.
7. She Is Cheating
This is one reason no one wants to hear, but you have to swallow the hard pill. If your girlfriend is cheating on you, she will not appreciate your efforts.
All her attention will be on the guys she is talking to. She will not even notice the effort you put into the relationship anymore.
We appreciate and give attention to the people we like, so if your girlfriend has another person on the side, she will give him all the attention and appreciation.
Signs Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Appreciate You
If you suspect your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, you may want to know for sure so you can know what steps to take. So, here are some common signs your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you.
1. She Lacks Affection
If your girlfriend lacks affection towards you, she may not appreciate you. When you appreciate someone, you hug and kiss them to show appreciation. So, if your girlfriend does not show affection or physical touch, she does not appreciate you.
Moreover, if she only shows affection in bed, she may not appreciate your efforts in the relationship.
2. She is miserable when she is with you
If your girlfriend is always miserable when you are together, she doesn’t appreciate you. Girls are simple creatures; when we like someone, the whole world will know, especially when we are with the person we like.
Girls are happy and playful when they are with the person they like. So, if your girlfriend is miserable when you are together, she may not appreciate you.
3. She Doesn’t Care About Your Opinions
In a relationship, you want your partner to seek your opinions on her decisions. Although she does not necessarily have to take your advice, the asking alone shows that she appreciates you and your input.
For instance, she used to ask your opinion on what color of plates to buy, but now she will go on a safari without caring what you think.
So, ask yourself what happened so she can stop asking for your opinion. Did you gaslight her? Did you break her trust? Have an honest conversation to find out why she no longer asks your opinion.
4. She Doesn’t Use The Gifts You Give Her
You always give your girlfriend gifts, but you have never seen her use any of the gifts you give her. This is a significant sign that she doesn’t appreciate the gifts.
It hurts when you give someone a gift, and they never use it or give it away. When you gift someone, you want to see them enjoying the present; it gives you satisfaction and a sense of appreciation.
For instance, I love gifts; gifting is my love language, so if anyone gives me a gift, I will use it until I cannot use it anymore. I am the girl who holds on to things longer than I should have. This is my way of appreciating gifts.
So, if you gift your girlfriend and she doesn’t use the gift, she doesn’t appreciate your effort.
5. She Is Entitled
If your girlfriend thinks it is your responsibility to care for her, she doesn’t appreciate you. A relationship is an investment, and both parties should have a 50/50 stake in the investment.
So, if your girlfriend doesn’t make any effort in the relationship, she is not only unappreciative but also using you. It is not your duty to treat her like a queen always. You also need and deserve a king’s treatment.
6. She Criticizes You
If your girlfriend criticizes everything you do, she doesn’t appreciate you. It is okay to have constructive criticism occasionally, but if you cannot do any good in her eyes, she does not appreciate you.
For instance, if you offer to do something for her, she will criticize how you do it and break down your spirit while at it.
The Impact of Feeling Unappreciated
It will impact you and the relationship when you are in a relationship and feel unappreciated. Here are some of the impacts of feeling unappreciated in a relationship.
- Low self-esteem– when you feel unappreciated in a relationship, your self-esteem takes a hit. As a result, you will no longer be confident in what you are doing and may feel inadequate. In addition, decreased self-esteem will affect how you relate to others as you will carry the inadequacy to other areas of your life.
- Lead to breakups– if your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, you will not want to continue the relationship. We all deserve someone who appreciates our efforts, and if you are not getting appreciation from your partner, you will leave them to go to someone who appreciates you.
- Lead to mental health issues– if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, it will stress you. You will start thinking you are not good enough, and these negative thoughts may lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
- There will be strains in the relationship– if your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, it will cause strains in the relationship. There will be more quarrels and blame games. For instance, you will blame her for not appreciating you, and she may blame you for not meeting her needs or not giving her attention.
What To Do When You Feel Unappreciated
You may wonder what to do if your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you. Here are some things you can do.
1. Talk To Her
If your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, have a candid conversation with her. Understand her reasons for not appreciating you more. If you have different expectations and needs, ensure that you both meet these expectations to the best of your abilities.
Moreover, ensure you do not use accusatory language when talking to your girlfriend. Instead of using “You” statements, use “I” statements. For instance, instead of saying, “You do not appreciate me.” Say, “ I feel unappreciated.” This makes the statement about you and not her.
2. Divide The Tasks In The Relationship
According to Jenni Jacobsen, a social worker, if you feel you are doing all the work in the relationship and getting nothing in return, it is time to divide the work.
Talk with your girlfriend about the responsibilities in the relationship and divide them equally. Your partner may need to be made aware of all you have taken up, and bringing this to their attention will make them appreciate you and take up some tasks from your plate.
3. Breakup With Her
If your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you because she is cheating on you or talking to other guys. It may be time to break up with her. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who loves and appreciates them, and if your girlfriend is cheating on you or talking to other guys, you deserve better.
Moreover, if you are incompatible with your girlfriend and have different values, it may be time to quit the relationship and get someone whose values align better with yours.
4. Focus On Yourself
If your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, it is time to focus on yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Instead of giving all the effort in a relationship and not getting any appreciation for it, take the effort and focus it on your goals.
For instance, it is time to finish that project you have been postponing. Take the trip you have always wanted to take.
You can also use the extra effort on your family and friends who will appreciate you. Spend more time with them. Give your effort where it is appreciated and reciprocated.
Related Reading: How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Tired Of You
My Girlfriend Always Finds Faults In Me (10 Possible Reasons)
Conclusion
Humans crave appreciation, so it is natural to feel bad if your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you. There are many reasons why your girlfriend may stop appreciating you. For instance, you will feel unappreciated if she has personal issues or a communication breakdown.
Moreover, you may feel your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you if there is a lack of effort in the relationship, you are incompatible, or she is cheating on you.
There are many signs that your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you; some include; a lack of affection, criticizing you, being entitled, not using the gifts you give her, or caring about your opinions.
Lack of appreciation from your girlfriend will adversely affect you and the relationship. It will decrease your self-esteem and may cause mental health issues. In addition, it causes strife in the relationship and may lead to breakups.
If your girlfriend doesn’t appreciate you, talk to her and understand each other’s expectations and needs. You can also divide the tasks in the relationship.
It may be time to end the relationship if she doesn’t appreciate you because she has lost interest in you or cheated. You deserve someone who loves you and appreciates the efforts you make in the relationship.