My Boyfriend Barely Talks To Me:(Why And What To Do)

In this article, we examine the reasons why your boyfriend barely talks to you and how to address this issue.

When you first get into a relationship, you cannot get enough of each other. You are constantly texting and calling all the time.

This is the best part of the relationship, it is like you are in the honeymoon phase, and everything about your partner is thrilling.

After some time, you may find that your boyfriend is talking to you less than he used to or not at all. This is one of the most disappointing things I have encountered in my dating life.

For instance, one time, one of my exes, who was so good at texting, just stopped texting; he would go for a day or two without talking to me. 

I kept asking myself what I had done. When he would resurface, he would say he was dealing with some things and needed time alone. It hurt me a lot. If you want time alone, say so instead of disappearing. 

If you are in a situation like this, and you may wonder why your boyfriend is not talking to you or what you can do about it, Read on to learn more. 

Reasons Your Boyfriend Barely Talks to You

There are many reasons why your boyfriend may not be talking to you or has reduced the amount of time he spends talking to you. Some of the reasons include;

1. He Is Annoyed With You

One of the most common reasons your boyfriend is barely talking with you may be that he is annoyed with you.

If you had an argument that may have ended badly, or maybe you did something that annoyed him, either knowingly or unknowingly, your boyfriend could stop talking with you.

If he is not talking to you because he is annoyed with you, you should check for other body language signs that he is upset with you.

For instance, if I am annoyed with someone, I don’t know how to hide it, no matter how much I try. Some of the signs that someone is annoyed with you may include;

  • He is avoiding you
  • He crosses his arms when talking with you
  • He gives short monosyllabic answers when you ask him questions
  • Avoiding eye contact
  • Pointing his feet away from you
  • He has a tense jaw when talking to you 

There are many reasons why your boyfriend may be annoyed with you, so talk to him to know why he is annoyed and work things out.

2. He Does Not Know What To Talk About

Sometimes your boyfriend may not talk to you, not because of something you did but because he does not know what to say. 

Sometimes this may be weird for most ladies, especially if you are like me. If I like you, I will talk your ears off.

I always wondered how one does not have anything to say. However, over time I have realized that some men run out of words. 

We may be attracted to and date people with whom we have similarities, according to Steven McCornack in his book, Reflect and Relate.

However, this is not always the case. Sometimes we are attracted to people who are different from us.

When you are dating someone different from you, you may find that sometimes he may have little to say.

For example, maybe he wants to talk about politics, and you do not follow politics, or you are not interested in the same sports. Your boyfriend may find it hard to strike up a conversation with you. 

3. You Are Annoyed With Him

In his book, McCornack highlights the different stages of a relationship: the coming together and coming apart stages.

In the coming apart stage, there is avoidance. For example, when your boyfriend thinks you are annoyed with him, he may avoid you.

One of the best ways to avoid someone is not talking to them, no texts, calls, or visits. 

If your boyfriend thinks you are annoyed with him, he may be anxious when he is dealing with you if he is not avoiding you altogether. 

If he is not talking to you because he thinks you are annoyed with him, the best way to get him talking is to talk to him first. 

4. He Is Dealing With Some Personal Issues

At times, when your boyfriend is not talking to you, it could be that he is dealing with some personal issues that he is not ready to share.

He may be fighting with his friends, or he has issues at work. Or even his team lost last night’s game – I have been through this one.

On the other hand, he could be dealing with some family issues that he is not ready to share with you. 

Sometimes all you can do is be there and wait for him to deal with his issues, after which he will be himself again and talk to you. 

5. He Is Avoiding an Argument

According to Sylvia Smith, an expert relationship blogger, your boyfriend may stop talking to you if he is avoiding a confrontation. According to Smith, many men stop talking in relationships because they fear conflicts. 

If there is a problem in the relationship, your boyfriend may avoid talking about it because he is scared of any confrontation. Some do it as a sign of love as they think that you may leave him if there is a conflict.

So, they opt to keep quiet, hoping the issue will eventually resolve itself. But, as much as this may work, there are better ways to go about problems in the relationship, as the problems may come back to bite you in the rear. 

6. He Is Busy

Your boyfriend may be barely talking to you because he is busy. He may be overwhelmed with school or work and back-to-back meetings, so he may forget to return your call or text. 

This may seem like a weak excuse. However, to some, it is genuine. Nonetheless, if your boyfriend is always busy and never talks to you, you should think twice about the relationship. 

In his book Reflect and Relate, Steven McCornack says that in the stage of coming apart of a romantic relationship, there is avoidance and circumscribing.

So, if your boyfriend is always busy and avoids talking to you, this could signify that the relationship is ending. 

7. He Is Seeing Other People

When your boyfriend stops talking to you, it could mean he has started seeing other people. You also notice that he has changed his routine and his behavior. 

If he has stopped talking to you as much as he used to and started going out late, working long hours, or going out when he normally wouldn’t, he could be seeing someone else.

According to Daniel of Body Language Central, when your boyfriend is lying to you, he will show some body language signs, which include; 

  • Changing the topic when asked where he was
  • He will get annoyed when you ask him what he has been up to
  • He will be anxious when talking about his whereabouts
  • He may rub his arms when talking about his whereabouts
  • He will avoid being seen with you by some people
  • He may start accusing you of cheating

8. He Thinks You Will Think Less of Him

Sometimes your boyfriend does not talk to you because something is bothering him, and he thinks you may think less of him if he shares it with you.

Society has conditioned men to be strong; if they have a problem, they will try to deal with it single-handedly instead of sharing and looking weak. 

If your boyfriend hesitates to share his problems and thoughts with you, it could be that he thinks you will think less of him and wants you to see him as the pillar of strength in the relationship.

What To Do if Your Boyfriend Barely Talks to You?

Many people will be worried if their boyfriends are not talking to them. If you are one of those people wondering what to do when your boyfriend barely talks to you, here are some solutions to your problems.

1. Initiate the Conversation

You can initiate the conversation if your boyfriend is barely talking to you. Sometimes he is not talking because he does not know what to talk about.

When you initiate a conversation, start with simple topics that he will be willing to contribute. A simple “How was your day,” can go a long way.

This is an open-ended question that can take any shape. It will allow him to answer and tell you more about his day.

It would help if you also shared about your day to keep the conversation going. Asking him questions about what he tells you will help keep the conversation going, and you may end up talking about other things. 

2. Open Up to Him

If your boyfriend barely talks to you, it could be that he finds it hard to open up to you. You can speak to him and open up about things he may not know about you. 

When he sees that you can be vulnerable with him, he may open up to you and be vulnerable with you.

But, again, this is about trust; when he sees you trust him enough to open up, he will trust you and open up to you. 

In Steven McCornack’s book Reflect and Relate, one of the stages of coming together is intensifying.

By opening up to your boyfriend, you are intensifying your relationship by sharing things that you didn’t know about each other, some of which may even be secrets. 

3. Be Patient With Him

According to Kelli Miller, a psychotherapist, the best you can do for a boyfriend who barely talks is be patient. This is because he may have less relationship experience and not want to say the wrong things.

On the other hand, he could be dealing with personal issues that he may not be ready to share yet. So give him time and let him know you are there when he needs to talk. 

For instance, my boyfriend will go silent for some time when he has issues. Then, he will deal with his issues and later come out of his cocoon and talk about them.

All I can do during this time is assure him I am there for him and take a step back to let him deal with whatever is ailing him.

This is, however, easier said than done, especially if you are the people who don’t like being left in the dark. 

4. Check To See if His Actions Match His Words

Sometimes when your boyfriend is not talking to you, he could have met someone new. So, check to see if his actions towards you have changed. For example, if he says he loves you but does not do the things he used to do before.

On the other hand, he could not talk to you as much as he used to, but his behavior towards you has not changed. This could mean there is still hope for the relationship. 

5. Understand It’s Not Always Your Fault

When your boyfriend stops talking to you as much as he used to, you may beat yourself up, thinking that it is something you did.

However, your boyfriend may just be dealing with his stuff that has nothing to do with you. So, it is important to know that not every time your boyfriend goes quiet, it may be your fault.

6. Make Him Feel Wanted and Appreciated

When your boyfriend goes silent, he may feel unappreciated in the relationship or think that you will think less of him if he talks about a complicated topic.

The best thing to do is to make him know that he is wanted and appreciated no matter what he is going through. Show him that you will stand by him until things get better. 

For instance, I remember when my boyfriend was not working, he would be quiet all the time, with many thoughts going through his mind.

When I talked to him, he said he felt bad and less of a man since he could not provide for me. I assured him I loved him and didn’t think less of him because he was not working.

All your boyfriend needs is a little assurance and appreciation, and he will start talking and opening up to you about what is bothering him. 

7. Seek Professional Help

If you have tried everything to get your boyfriend talking again, it may be time to seek professional help. Talk to a therapist or a dating coach to help you work through your problems. 

A professional will give you tools that you can use to get the conversation going in your relationship.

Related – My Boyfriend And I Have Nothing In Common: 6 Things To Do

Bottom Line on My Boyfriend Barely Talks To Me

It can be pretty frustrating if your boyfriend is not talking to you. It leaves you with many unanswered questions and a lot of guesswork trying to figure out why he is barely talking to you. 

The above reasons could help you try and figure out why your boyfriend barely talks to you.

However, it is important to try and initiate a conversation with him to know why he is not talking to you and remove the guesswork; after all, communication is the key to any relationship

It is also important to know that it is not always your fault that your boyfriend barely talks to you, so cut yourself some slack.

And if all your efforts to get him talking again fail, seek help from a dating coach or therapist. 

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