In this article, we will examine why your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you and what you can do about it.
In romantic relationships, communication is vital in expressing love, appreciation, and admiration for each other.
It feels great when someone compliments you. You feel appreciated. However, it is tough when you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you.
A simple “you look great” can turn a dull day bright. At the beginning of the relationship, your boyfriend showers you with unending compliments, but this may change as the relationship progresses.
It is confusing when your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you as you may expect. Compliments should come naturally in a relationship and are a way of growing and deepening your bond.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Compliment You
Some of the reasons why your boyfriend does not compliment you include:
1. He Has Started Taking You For Granted
One of the major reasons your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you is if he has started taking you for granted.
When you have started dating, the relationship is exciting, and you appreciate each other. However, as time goes by, you get comfortable with each other.
Being comfortable is great and shows you are secure in the relationship.
However, when this happens, compliments may start being fewer and farther apart because your boyfriend feels he doesn’t have to win you over as he already got you.
That being said, you should understand your boyfriend doesn’t consciously decide to stop complimenting you.
Your boyfriend doesn’t realize he still has to make an effort with you, which is one of the mistakes many men make.
2. He Does Not Understand Your Love Language
People have different love languages, If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, he may not know your love language.
Individuals express love and appreciation differently, If your boyfriend’s love language is not words of affirmation, he might not naturally offer compliments.
For instance, your boyfriend’s love language may be gifting or acts of service, while yours is words of affirmation.
He will gift you and do things for you to show he loves you deeply, while all you need is his compliment.
Dr. Gary Chapman, the author of The 5 Love Languages, says, “We must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”
So, if your boyfriend’s love language is not verbal praise, he may not offer compliments.
You will have to tell your boyfriend your love language so he can love you how you need to be loved.
3. He Is No Longer Attracted To You
Sometimes your boyfriend may stop complimenting you if he no longer finds you attractive. Sometimes your boyfriend may love you but not find you attractive.
He is there for you when you need him and will fulfill his duties as a boyfriend, but he will never compliment you no matter what you do.
Your boyfriend may love you but not be sexually attracted to you.
For instance, you may kill yourself in the gym trying to look good, but he will never compliment you because he doesn’t find you attractive anymore.
So, instead of unnecessarily flattering you, he chooses not to say anything.
On the other hand, your boyfriend may compliment you on things he admires, like your intelligence but will never compliment you on your appearance if he is not sexually attracted to you.
4. He Is Stressed or Distracted
If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, he may be stressed or distracted.
When external stressors and distractions occupy your boyfriend’s mind, he may unintentionally overlook the importance of compliments.
For instance, if your boyfriend is so busy with work or school, he may not remember to compliment you.
Moreover, if our boyfriend is a workaholic, he may not be home at all and will not have time to notice the small things. If he is too distracted to notice, he won’t compliment you.
For example, you get this amazing hairdo; however, your boyfriend always comes late from work when you are asleep because his boss is riding him to finish a project.
He will not see the hairstyle and thus not compliment you.
According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, stress affects not just how you feel but how you treat people around you.
So, if your boyfriend is stressed at work, he will not have the mental bandwidth to compliment you or for expressive gestures.
5. He Is A Perfectionist
If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, he may be a perfectionist. Sometimes your boyfriend may not compliment you because he likes things done a certain way.
If he is a perfectionist, he will not be easy to impress and will only offer a compliment if what you do is exceptional and absolutely flawless.
It is hard to deal with a perfectionist because they expect you to always be at your best, which is unattainable.
You can’t always be perfect and may need someone to cheer you up with a compliment even when you are not at your best.
That being said, if he has a soft spot for you, he will like you even when you are not at your best because he knows no one is perfect.
If he is a perfectionist, you need to know if you will live with his high expectations or lower the bar a little.
6. He Assumes You Know He Appreciates You
If you have been together long, your boyfriend may assume understanding.
If he doesn’t compliment you, he assumes you know how much he appreciates you and believes compliments are unnecessary.
When you have been together for a long time, your boyfriend may believe his actions speak louder than words.
He will show you he loves you and appreciates you through his actions. He assumes you don’t need the compliments since you can see he appreciates you from his actions.
However, no matter how much he shows you he loves you, sometimes you just want to hear a compliment from him. A compliment says he loves you and appreciates you.
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Couples who communicate more often and more honestly tend to have better marriages.”
So, tell your boyfriend you need to hear him compliment you as much as he shows he appreciates you.
7. He Has Started Seeing Your Flaws
When you start dating, you look at your partner through rose-colored goggles. However, as time passes, you may realize your partner has flaws you overlooked.
If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, he may have started seeing your flaws. He may realize he is not as into you as he thought.
For instance, I once went on a few dates with a guy I liked. Everything was going well, but after a couple of dates, I realized some things about him didn’t sit right with me.
The same may have happened to you. Your boyfriend may have liked you initially but now starts seeing your flaws. He may start noticing some of your bad traits or may even think you are ugly.
If he thinks you are ugly, he will not compliment you and will not be sexually attracted to you.
8. He Is Having Second Thoughts
Sometimes when dating, you may think someone is perfect for you but later realize you are wrong.
So, if your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, he may have second thoughts about you.
If your boyfriend sees some things he doesn’t like about you that are deal-breakers, he will stop complimenting you because he has second thoughts about being with you.
If he doubts your compatibility, he will stop complimenting you because he thinks you are the girl for him.
9. He Is Seeing Someone Else
If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, your first thought may be that he is seeing someone else, this may be true.
Sometimes your boyfriend will stop complimenting you because he is complimenting someone else.
However, you may be wrong, so before you jump to conclusions and accuse him of cheating, look for other signs he is cheating.
You should also be aware of how cheaters act when accused of cheating so you can know for sure if the compliments died because he is complimenting someone else.
If you think there is someone else, take your time, watch, and get evidence before confronting him.
10. He Has Unresolved Resentment
Sometimes your boyfriend may not compliment you because he harbors resentment towards you.
If you have unresolved issues in the relationship, your boyfriend may resent you.
It is frustrating when you have unresolved conflicts in the relationship, and your boyfriend may hate you if you don’t want to resolve them.
It is hard to compliment someone you resent because you will not find anything good about them no matter what they do.
According to Gottman, unresolved issues may impact the partner’s relationship satisfaction. So, if your boyfriend is unsatisfied with the relationship, he will not compliment you.
11. He Is Shy
If you are dating a shy or introverted guy, he may find it hard to offer compliments. Most introverted people find it challenging to vocalize their feelings and tend to be more reserved.
So, if your boyfriend is shy, he may find it hard to express his appreciation no matter how long you have been together.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, notice you, or has low self-esteem. He just isn’t able to express his admiration for you.
12. He Is Not Aware of How Much Compliments Mean To You
Sometimes your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you because he is not aware of how much compliments mean to you.
According to Pennsylvania State University, compliments are powerful in building relationships. They improve communication, motivate people and boost one’s self-esteem.
So, if your boyfriend is unaware of the importance of compliments or how much they mean to you, he may not compliment you.
13. He Is Complimenting You, And You Don’t See It
You have been with your boyfriend for a long time now, maybe years. In the beginning, he could always compliment you, and you think he stopped at some point.
However, sometimes you may think your boyfriend stopped complimenting you, but you are the one who got used to his compliments and don’t notice them anymore.
If your boyfriend always says the same things the same way, you may get used to it.
For instance, you remember when he first told you, “You are beautiful.” However, he has said it a million times since you have been together, and now it’s just something he says.
Stop and listen. Is your boyfriend not complimenting you, or are you so used to it that you don’t take it as a compliment anymore?
For instance, my boyfriend always tells me I am beautiful, and he loves me. Sometimes I don’t even notice because he always says it. Nevertheless, that doesn’t make it any less of a compliment.
So, your boyfriend may be complimenting you, but you don’t see it as a compliment. He may need to devise more creative ways to compliment you, but he compliments you.
On the other hand, you need to learn to recognize the compliments he offers you.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Compliment You
It can hurt if your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, and you may feel like he hates you. If this is the case, you want to know what to do if your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you.
Here are several things to do if he doesn’t compliment you.
1. Talk To Him
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Therefore, if you feel like your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, talk to him.
Tell him how his lack of compliments makes you feel. You may be surprised he didn’t even realize he is not complimenting you.
He often doesn’t know your love language, and this will be a good opportunity to explain and understand each other’s love languages.
Moreover, your boyfriend may not realize how much compliments mean to you and your relationship.
So, an honest conversation will put you on the same page, and he will start complimenting you.
2. Compliment Him
Sometimes ladies forget that men need compliments too. So, if your boyfriend is not complimenting you, compliment him.
For all you know, he may resent you for not complimenting him and stop complimenting you.
Start complimenting your boyfriend on things you like about him, and he will reciprocate. It will remind him how good it feels to get a compliment.
Because he likes you, he will want to make you feel good and thus compliment you more.
Bottom Line
It is frustrating and hurting when your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you. There are several reasons your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you.
They include, he is taking you for granted, he is no longer attracted to you, he has second thoughts, or you have different love languages.
Moreover, your boyfriend may not compliment you if he is seeing someone else, is shy and introverted, is a perfectionist, or thinks you know he appreciates you.
Additionally, if he doesn’t know how much compliments mean to you or has unresolved resentment, he may not compliment you.
If your boyfriend doesn’t compliment you, talk to him. Tell him how much compliments mean to you. If you have unresolved issues, resolve them.
Moreover, if he doesn’t compliment you, compliment him. It will make him feel good, and he will compliment you too.
Photo by Alex Green: https://www.pexels.com/photo/african-american-couple-spending-time-at-home-5699739/