You have finally met the man of your dreams and think the search is over. He is thoughtful and committed, and you believe he is your Mr. Right.
However, your romance is not so perfect after some time. Your boyfriend changes, and he becomes so mean to you.
You are confused and don’t know what you did to deserve this meanness. He is mean and verbally abusive whenever you try to communicate your feelings.
You wonder what happened to the sweet guy you met and fell in love with.
If you are in this situation, you want to know why your boyfriend is so mean to you.
In this article, we will look at the reasons your boyfriend is so mean to you and what to do about it.
Reasons Your Boyfriend Is So Mean To You
If you are in a relationship with someone mean to you, you want to know why they changed and became mean to you.
There are several reasons your boyfriend is so mean to you, some of these reasons include;
1. Lack Of Proper Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. However, many relationships lack proper communication. You should voice your concerns if you think your boyfriend is mean to you.
Many relationships hit a snag because couples struggle to express themselves, leading to misunderstandings and frustrations.
So, if your boyfriend is being mean to you, tell him. For all you know, he may not think he is mean and will never know his behavior upsets you if you don’t tell him how you feel.
For instance, your boyfriend might come across as mean if he struggles to articulate his feelings about a sensitive topic.
However, in a healthy relationship, couples should communicate and disagree respectfully. Even if you disagree with each other, you should not be mean to your partner.
2. He Has Low Self-Esteem
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he will be mean to you. According to research, many people with low self-esteem issues have self-control problems.
Guys with low self-esteem are obsessed with control. They want to control everything around them to feel in charge.
So, if your boyfriend is mean to you, you may be intimidating him, and he attacks your self-confidence to try and keep up with you.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he will want to bring you down because he believes you are too good for him. He tries to bring your esteem down so you can be on the same level.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he wants you to feel you are not good enough for someone else so you can stay with him.
For instance, he will tell you no one will love you better than he can and is the only one who can tolerate you.
He is trying to gaslight you and manipulate you into sticking with him because he knows you are too good for him.
If your boyfriend has low self-esteem, he will try to bring you down to boost his ego.
3. He Is Stressed
Sometimes your boyfriend may be mean to you because he is stressed. Some people direct their frustrations toward other people when stressed.
According to Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, author of Abnormal Psychology: Clinical Perspectives on Psychological Disorders, stress has a way of affecting not just how you feel but how you treat the people around you.
So, if your boyfriend suddenly becomes mean, he could be stressed and vent his frustrations on you.
For instance, if your boyfriend is having stress at work, financial problems, or family issues, he will change his behavior, which may make him unintentionally mean.
For instance, when I am stressed, I tend to snap at the people around me. I know this is not the best way to deal with stress, but it happens.
So, if your boyfriend is mean to you, he may be stressed and directing the stress towards you.
4. Unresolved Personal Issues
Sometimes your boyfriend may be mean to you because he has unresolved personal issues.
Individual emotional baggage from the past, such as childhood traumas or unresolved conflicts, can influence behavior in relationships.
Most people with rough childhoods don’t know how to treat people. If your boyfriend has unresolved conflicts with his parents or siblings, he may be mean to you.
Moreover, if he comes from a background where people never talked about their problems, he may not know how to deal with relationship problems and become mean instead.
If his parents were mean to him, he may not know how to treat people any better and may be mean to you.
Therapist Lisa Ferentz says, “Past hurts that go unaddressed can interfere with your ability to have a fulfilling, authentic relationship.”
5. You Have Different Expectations
Sometimes you may be in a relationship with mismatched expectations. When you are in a relationship with someone you are incompatible with, he will always seem mean to you.
Moreover, differing expectations about the relationship’s dynamics, future plans, or even day-to-day activities can lead to friction and perceived meanness.
For instance, if you expect your boyfriend to take care of you, he may be frustrated if he expects you to share the household responsibilities.
If you have different expectations in the relationship, you will appear mean to each other if you don’t live up to each other’s expectations.
For example, if you believe couples should spend a lot of time together and your boyfriend believes you can be in a relationship and spend one day in a fortnight together, you may feel he is mean to you.
6. You Are Not A Priority
Your boyfriend may be the most important person in your life, but are you the most important person in his life?
If your boyfriend is mean to you, you are not his priority. When your boyfriend prioritizes his friends and family, he may be mean to you.
If your boyfriend doesn’t show you he cares, maybe he doesn’t. For instance, if you need your boyfriend and he prefers to hang out with his friends instead of helping you, you are not his priority.
If he doesn’t prioritize you, he will be mean to you.
7. He Is Getting Back At You
If your boyfriend is mean to you, he may be getting back at you for something you did.
A lack of good conflict resolution skills in a relationship may lead to arguments that escalate to mean-spirited exchanges.
In a relationship, you should learn proper conflict-resolution skills. Couples are bound to disagree occasionally, but that should not make anyone mean.
So, if you have hurt your boyfriend in any way, he may be mean to get back at you for hurting him.
For instance, if you cheat on him, he may be mean to get back at you for hurting him.
8. He Has An Addiction
If your boyfriend is mean to you, he may be addicted to something. He puts his addiction before you and becomes mean to you.
Substance abuse can alter behavior leading to meanness driven by chemical dependencies.
So, if your boyfriend is struggling with addiction, his behavior may be influenced by the substances he is taking rather than his true character.
For instance, they are people who are very mean drunks. Every time they drink, they do and say things they could never do while sober.
On the other hand, your boyfriend may be addicted to video games. If you approach him about it, he may be mean to you.
9. There Is Someone Else
I know this is the last thing you want to hear. Your boyfriend is mean because there is someone else.
When you meet someone new, you tend to give them all your attention and spend time with them.
So, if your boyfriend has met someone new, he will be mean with his time because he spends it with someone else.
Moreover, when you bring up the topic, he may get mean to you to deflect from his cheating.
10. He Doesn’t Love You
Love grows, and love dies. If your boyfriend is mean to you, he may have fallen out of love with you or been forcing himself to love you.
Sometimes you meet someone perfect for you. They tick all the boxes, but you just don’t love them but force yourself to love them because you think they are good for you.
So, if your boyfriend is mean to you, he may have been forcing himself to love you and the mask is off.
On the other hand, he may have been deeply in love with you but has fallen in love with you and doesn’t know how to tell you.
If this is the case, he may be mean to you so that you can call off the relationship.
11. You Let Him Get Away With Being Mean To You
If you let your boyfriend get away with being mean to you once, he will always be mean to you.
When your boyfriend is mean to you and you don’t tell him off, he will think he can get away with it and continue being mean to you.
If you let your boyfriend be abusive, he will take that precedence as to how to treat you.
For instance, if he hits you and you stay, he will keep hitting you and will also abuse you emotionally and maybe financially too.
People treat you the way you show them to treat you. If you let your boyfriend get away with being mean to you once, he will always be mean to you because he feels he can get away with it.
12. He Doesn’t Respect You
If your boyfriend is mean to you, he doesn’t respect you. Respect is vital in a relationship; it makes you value your partners.
However, if your boyfriend doesn’t respect you, he will be mean to you and not care about your feelings.
If your boyfriend is mean to you before his friend and family, he doesn’t respect you and wants to demean you.
A man who respects you will not want to hurt your feelings and will never be mean to you.
13. He Was Leading You On
When you are dating a guy who is leading you on, he will be a great guy in the beginning and then get mean when he is done with you.
If he is leading you, he will be unavailable to you, flirt with other women in front of you, and you will be the only one initiating contact.
If he is leading you on, he will be mean to you because he feels you are disturbing him and he is not interested in you.
What To Do If Your Boyfriend Is Mean To You
Sometimes you may wonder what to do if your boyfriend is so mean to you. It is frustrating when the person you love is mean, and you want to change the situation as soon as possible.
You can do a few things if your boyfriend is mean to you. They include;
1. Talk To Him
If your boyfriend is mean to you, talk to him and tell him he hurt your feelings.
Sometimes your boyfriend may be mean to you without realizing he is mean. If you don’t tell him how you feel, he may never know.
Most women never speak up when they have problems in the relationship because they are afraid to rock the boat.
However, if your boyfriend is mean to you, tell him. Don’t tolerate abuse because you love him or fear he will leave you.
2. Set Boundaries
If your boyfriend is being mean, set boundaries. Before someone gets mean to you, they test how much you can take or how much they can get away with.
If you don’t set clear boundaries, your boyfriend will continue abusing you and being mean to you.
It is important to make him accountable for his actions, don’t let him get away with being mean to you.
For instance, if he says he doesn’t like your dress because it makes you fat, address the issue immediately.
Tell him you don’t like what he said and ask him to apologize. Your boyfriend has no right to dictate your clothes.
3. Seek Therapy
If your boyfriend is mean to you, seek therapy. A professional will help you deal with your mean boyfriend and get over the mean things he says and does.
Moreover, a therapist will help your boyfriend debunk the reason he is so mean to you.
If he is stressed or dealing with childhood traumas, a professional will give him tools to work through his issues.
They will also give you tools to help support him through his healing journey.
Parting Shot
It is confusing when your boyfriend is mean to you. Your boyfriend is mean to you for many reasons, including; he lacks proper communication skills, has low self-esteem, is stressed, or has unresolved personal issues.
Moreover, if he doesn’t respect or love you, is leading you on, or is seeing someone else, he will be mean to you.
In addition, if he is addicted, getting back at you, or you let him get away with it, he will be mean to you.
If your boyfriend is mean to you, you should talk to him, set clear boundaries and seek therapy.
Photo by Rene Asmussen: https://www.pexels.com/photo/grayscale-photo-of-man-and-woman-629586/