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My Boyfriend Shows No Emotion When I Cry

In this article, we will focus on why your boyfriend shows no emotion when you cry, the reasons, the implications of lack of emotional response from your boyfriend when you cry, and what you can do about it.

Crying is a natural way of releasing emotions. We expect the people close to us to hold us and wipe our tears when we cry. We all crave support when we cry and want someone to tell us all will be well. 

However, when your boyfriend shows no emotion when you cry, you will feel sad and as if he does not care for you.

There is an emotional disconnect when your boyfriend does not act emotionally when you cry; after all, he is supposed to be your support system.

According to Assael Romanelli, a clinical social worker, and licensed therapist, crying enlists empathy and closeness with your partner because vulnerability brings people together. 

So, when your boyfriend does not show any emotion when you cry, it may affect your relationship negatively. 

As a result, you may stop being vulnerable and even stop trusting your boyfriend with your emotions.

The Importance of Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship

According to Dr.Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York, emotional intimacy is allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities, and trust.

Emotional intimacy allows you to be secure within your relationship and allows you to be yourself without the need for masks.

When there is emotional intimacy in a relationship, the partners can be themselves without feeling like they are risking the relationship if they open up.

Your partner is the first person you want to tell important news to. Being in a relationship means you have someone to share your secrets with and talk about the relationship. In addition, you will be happier in the relationship if you can share each other’s feelings.

If you do not have emotional intimacy in the relationship, it will affect your relationship. For example, you will become bitter and resentful if your boyfriend shows no emotions when you cry. You will also feel lonely and isolated.

Lack of emotional intimacy in a relationship will take a toll on your relationship; if your partner shows no emotions when you cry or, worse still, makes fun of you, you will lose your sense of security in the relationship.

According to Rachel Wright, a Psychotherapist and marriage counselor, if you lack emotional intimacy in a relationship, you will feel a lack of love, support, and overall connection in the relationship. Moreover, it affects the physical intimacy in a romantic relationship.

According to Wright, you should invest in the emotional intimacy of a relationship because it is the foundation of a successful relationship. 

Reasons Why your Boyfriend May Not Show Emotion When a Partner Cries

If your boyfriend does not show any emotions when you cry, it will affect you; you may think he does not care for you. There are many reasons why your boyfriend may not show emotions when you cry. Some of the reasons include the following; 

1. Societal Expectations and Gender Norms 

Society has stereotyped genders and put people into boxes. If your boyfriend does not show emotions when he cries, it could be because of societal expectations and gender stereotypes.

If your boyfriend grew up hearing phrases like, “man up, don’t be a mama’s boy, big boys don’t cry,” he will find it hard to show his emotions.

Society has conditioned them to swallow their emotions, or they will be labeled weak. If your boyfriend grew up in a household or a community where “real men don’t cry,” he will never show you his emotions because showing his vulnerability is viewed as weak.

On the other hand, women are encouraged to cry; it is socially acceptable to cry, and people support and comfort women who cry.

However, in the recent past, men have been encouraged to show their emotions. It does not mean one is weak for being emotional; crying is only natural. Crying helps you feel better, and the load in your heart lightens.

2. Difficulty In Expressing And Processing Emotions

Unlike women, most men have difficulty expressing and processing their emotions. If your man grew up in a society that did not encourage emotions, he might have trouble expressing his emotions. He was taught to hide his emotions and “be a man.” 

A person’s upbringing affects how they relate to others and their emotions. For example, if your boyfriend’s background never let him explore his emotions when he was a child, he will have difficulties processing these emotions when he is an adult.

For Instance, sadly, we see this all the time; when a boy falls and cries, his mother will tell him to stand up and dust himself up, and boys don’t cry. Unfortunately, this child will take this conditioning to adulthood; he will not know how to process his emotions and will always suppress them. 

On the other hand, if the sister falls, the mother will pick her up, dust her off, and comfort her. she will grow up knowing it is okay to cry and feel while the brother is conditioned otherwise. 

4. Lack Of Empathy

If your boyfriend does not show emotions when you cry, he may lack empathy. If your boyfriend does not understand other people’s emotions, he will not understand yours. 

If your boyfriend lacks empathy, he will have difficulty relating to your feelings and will show no emotions when you cry. 

The good news is; one can learn to be empathetic. So, if your boyfriend is willing to put some effort into it, he could learn to be empathetic. 

How do you know if your man lacks empathy? If you are wondering if your boyfriend lacks empathy, here are a few signs of low empathy;

  • He is critical and judgmental– if your boyfriend criticizes other people and is overly judgmental of people who express themselves, he lacks empathy. He may also blame someone for what they are going through.
  • He thinks some things wouldn’t happen to them– if your boyfriend has trouble connecting with other people’s situations. He may think such things would not occur to him, or he could handle the situation much better.
  • He thinks people are too sensitive– if your boyfriend thinks people are too sensitive, he lacks empathy. He will dismiss other people’s feelings and may think they are optional. He may tell you that it’s not that bad. 
  • He doesn’t understand how his behavior affects others– your boyfriend may act selfishly and will not care how his behavior hurts people around him.
  • He responds inappropriately– if you tell your boyfriend your feelings, he may be sarcastic or make fun of your feelings if he lacks empathy.

5. Past Experiences and Trauma

Your boyfriend may show no emotions when you cry if he has had some past trauma. According to Seth Meyers, your boyfriend may not show emotions if he has experienced some emotional trauma in the past. This is because he may find the emotional issues involved in a relationship hard to deal with.

If your boyfriends’ parents shamed him for crying, he will have a hard time showing his emotions and will find it hard or even unnecessary to cry.

6. He Doesn’t Like You

This is hard to hear, but sometimes your boyfriend will not show emotion when you cry because he doesn’t like you anymore. 

When someone has lost feelings for you, he will not care if you cry. However, you should not look at this separately. Instead, look at other aspects of your relationship.

For example, does he show other signs of falling out of love with you, or it’s just the tears he does not acknowledge?

If he shows he doesn’t care about you in other aspects of the relationship, he may have stopped liking you and silently quit the relationship.

7. He Does Not Know How To Comfort You

Sometimes your boyfriend will ignore you when you cry because he does not know how to comfort you. Unfortunately, some people don’t know how to comfort you when you cry, and the tears make them feel awkward. 

Most men do not know how to comfort when someone cries, and they prefer to fix things. On the other hand, your boyfriend may not show emotions because he is afraid he may cry when he comforts you.

For example, when I see someone crying, I am unable to comfort them and end up crying. If your boyfriend is like me, he may be afraid that he will break down when he tries to comfort you.

Moreover, if no one cared when he cried, he would not know how to comfort you.

Related Reading: Signs Someone Cries A Lot

The Impact Of A Lack Of Emotional Response From A Boyfriend When A Partner Cries

There are many effects of a lack of emotional response from your boyfriend when you cry. When you cry, you want your boyfriend to be there for you physically and emotionally.

You want him to offer a shoulder to lean on and wipe your tears. You want him to understand your feelings and sympathize with you.

If you lack this emotional response in a relationship, you may feel insecure and like your boyfriend doesn’t care about you. It makes you feel lonely and isolated in the relationship. You will feel invalidated and your feelings dismissed.

When you feel dismissed, your self-esteem will take a hit. You will feel like your feelings do not matter.

According to research, it will also affect your mental well-being as you will feel rejected by your boyfriend, which could lead to shame, anger towards your boyfriend, and even social anxiety.

On the other hand, when there is emotional intimacy and trust in a relationship, you will be able to open up to your boyfriend because you know he will validate your feelings.

Emotional intimacy also nurtures trust and makes one secure to be vulnerable in the relationship. This will lead to better intimacy in the relationship, both emotionally and physically.

What To Do With A Lack Of Emotional Response From A Boyfriend When A Partner Cries

You will worry when your boyfriend shows no emotion when you cry. You will also try to get the solutions to this problem.

Here are a few things you can do when your boyfriends lack an emotional response when you cry.

1. Communicating The Importance Of Emotional Intimacy And Setting Boundaries

If your boyfriend does not show emotion when you cry, you should communicate the importance of emotional intimacy. Tell your boyfriend how his lack of emotional intimacy affects you. 

Look for the right time to talk to him and think about what you want to say to your boyfriend before you talk to him.

Ensure that you do not come off as accusatory; tell him how you feel when he does not comfort you instead of criticizing him for not comforting you.

Tell him how it makes you feel when you get the support and comfort you get when you cry. This will help him see the importance of comforting and being there for you. 

It would help if you told him examples of when you need him and what he could have done to comfort you.

Ensure you articulate your needs well, so he understands the best way to comfort you.

Knowing how to set healthy boundaries with your partner is also essential. Show him when you need him to offer a shoulder to cry on and when you need him to fix the situation for you. 

Sometimes all you need is a shoulder to lean on, not advice or someone to fix the situation for us.

2. Finding Healthy Outlets For Emotions

If your boyfriend does not show emotions when you cry, you can try finding other healthy outlets for your emotions. Many people feel better when they cry, and if you are one of them, by all means, cry. 

However, you may try other healthy outlets for your emotions; you may try going for a run or a walk. If you are into exercise, a session at the gym or yoga studio will help you release pent-up emotions.

3. Building A Support System

If your boyfriend shows no emotions when you cry, build a support system with your friends and family. 

Your boyfriend is not the only one you can run to when you are in trouble. Sometimes he may not be the right person to talk to about some problems.

Your friends and family may be in a better position to help you since they have known you longer and may understand you better, so build a support system around your friend and family.

Moreover, some problems may be beyond your boyfriend’s, family’s, and friends’ capacity. This calls for a more experienced person, so seek help from a therapist. They may be in a better position to help you with the situations your loved ones may not be able to help with,

4. Seeking Professional Help

If your boyfriend does not show emotions when you cry, you can seek help from a therapist. A therapist will give you tools to self-soothe and not wait for your boyfriend to comfort you.

A professional will also help your boyfriend understand your feelings better and why he does not show emotions when you cry.

If your boyfriend lacks emotions because of past trauma, a therapist will help him debunk his trauma and help him deal with it so he can heal.

Related – Why Do I Cry When I Talk About My Feelings?

Final Thoughts

Crying is natural, and you should not feel ashamed for crying. If your boyfriend does not show emotions when you cry, it may cause you to lose security in the relationship and make you feel lonely and isolated.

There are many reasons your boyfriend may fail to show emotions when you cry. He may lack empathy, not know how to process and express his feelings, or be forced by societal norms.

You should communicate and share your feelings if your boyfriend lacks emotional intimacy. You may also look for another support system from your family and friends; you should also get healthy outlets for your emotions. If necessary, seek professional help from a therapist. 


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