If your boyfriend ghosted you, this article will highlight some of the reasons why he could have ghosted you and what you need to do.
If you have been in a relationship, chances are someone has ghosted you at least once.
Sometimes it will happen at the beginning of the relationship, after the first date, or after a few dates. Ghosting has been there for a long time, even if the saying is relatively new.
According to Steven McCornack in his book Reflect and Relate- An introduction to Interpersonal Communications, there are two phases of a romantic relationship:
The first phase is the coming together, and the second is the coming apart. In the coming apart phase, there are five stages. The fourth stage is avoiding.
You are at the avoiding stage when you have problems in the relationship and start distancing each other physically and avoid calling and texting back your partner.
If your boyfriend is avoiding, not picking up calls, or returning texts, he is ghosting you.
Ghosting is very painful for the person being avoided. No one likes when their partner goes missing without an explanation.
But you are not alone; according to research, at least 25% of people have been ghosted by their partners.
Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Ghosted You
According to Dr. Natalie Jones PsyD, LPCC, when a person who holds the cards in the line of communication leaves and you have no way of contacting them, you will feel disregarded.
According to relationship expert Jones, your boyfriend’s reason for ghosting you may have nothing to do with you. Instead, it is a sign of their emotional issues.
Some of the reasons why your boyfriend ghosted you may include the following;
1. He Is Seeing Someone Else
One of the main reasons your boyfriend may have ghosted you is he is seeing someone else.
Seeing someone else apart from you is quite hard to accept. It is likely he may have been seeing other people while in a relationship with you.
Dr. Jones explains that when your boyfriend is seeing other people and senses that you may want to commit, he may ghost you and go to someone else who is not looking for a commitment.
2. He Is Afraid of Commitment
Your boyfriend has ghosted you because he is afraid of commitment. He may have seen that things with you are getting more serious than he could have wished.
You may have started discussing moving in together or having kids. Unfortunately, discussing moving in together too early may make your boyfriend ghost you if he is afraid of commitment or is not ready to commit to you.
Unfortunately, some men ghost you when you tell them you are pregnant as they are not ready to be parents or do not want to be parents, and you end up raising the child alone.
3. He Has Abandonment Issues
If your boyfriend has abandonment issues, he may ghost you. For example, he may have gone through a tough relationship where he was rejected and left, and he does not want to go through the same again.
Additionally, your boyfriend may have issues from childhood where he was abandoned; abandonment issues could affect your boyfriend’s romantic relationships and prompt him to ghost you.
For instance, if his mother left him when he was a young boy, he may have abandonment issues, and every time things tend to get serious or there is some misunderstanding in the relationship, he may ghost you for fear of being left.
People with abandonment issues tend to self-sabotage. They leave you before you leave them.
4. You Are Moving Too Fast for Him
Sometimes your boyfriend may ghost you if you are moving too fast for him. For example, you have been dating for a few months and have started talking about marriage and kids. moving too fast may freak your boyfriend and he may ghost you.
I am not proud of this, but I once ghosted a guy because he was moving too fast for me.
We had dated for four months and, during that time, had met less than six times due to our busy schedules, and one day he started talking about marriage. This was the last thing on my mind. So I ghosted him.
5. You Are Clingy
Sometimes your boyfriend may ghost you if you get so clingy. Maybe you do not give him time to be with his friends or by himself.
If you are making a lot of demands and not giving him space, he may feel suffocated and ghost you.
For instance, I love my me-time, and if a boyfriend becomes so clingy and is not taking a hint when I tell him I need some time alone, I am just ghost him to have my peace of mind.
6. He is Avoiding a Conflict
Your boyfriend can ghost you if he wants to avoid conflict or avoid confrontation. All relationships go through some ups and downs; this is normal.
However, your boyfriend may not want to argue with you, and instead of talking about a serious relationship problem, he may ghost you.
On the other hand, you have had an argument, and your boyfriend may feel uncomfortable seeing you after the argument, especially if he was in the wrong and instead just vanish.
According to McCornack, the last stage of coming apart in a relationship after avoidance is terminating the relationship.
Your boyfriend figures that after ghosting you, you have no option but to terminate the relationship and move on.
7. You Like Him More Than He Likes You
Men love challenges. They like being the ones who pursue their partners in a healthy relationship together.
So, if you like your boyfriend more than he likes you, he may see that there is no challenge.
If you are always available when he needs you and switch up your schedule to accommodate him all the time.
He may feel like you are too available and that you like him more than he likes you, which may cause him to ghost you.
8. He Does Not Want To Hurt You
Sometimes, you may be going out with someone, and after a while, you feel the chemistry is off.
According to Hannah Tishman, a licensed social worker in New York, a boyfriend can ghost you if he feels your own communication skills and chemistry are off.
This is because he may fear hurting your feelings by telling you they are not feeling the chemistry anymore and ghosting you.
Ghosting is counterproductive for most people, as ghosting will hurt more than knowing why your boyfriend wants to terminate the relationship. Ghosting is a sign of emotional immaturity, and an easy route to end things.
9. He Is Emotionally Unavailable
Sometimes your boyfriend may ghost you if he is emotionally unavailable. For example, he may be going through depression and feel he does not have the energy to keep a relationship going.
Suppose your boyfriend is going through depression or another mental illness. In that case, he may lack the energy to keep in contact or start to self-isolate and end the relationship without an explanation.
According to Dr. Holly Schiff, a clinical psychologist, trauma response may make your boyfriend ghost you. She says that part of a trauma response is the inability to feel a full range of emotions.
10. He Has Some Personal Issues
Sometimes your boyfriend ghosts you because they are going through something personal.
Going through difficult personal issues is one of the situations that may warrant a second chance should your boyfriend come back.
For instance, if you have been dating for a little while and maybe he loses a family member or a close friend, he may take time off the relationship without telling you.
Sometimes he may not know how to share some of the issues with you, especially if you have not been dating for long.
They may feel like it will be a lot to unload on a person they have been in a relationship with for a short time.
What Do You Do If Your Boyfriend Ghosts You
Ghosting someone is one of the most disrespectful ways of ending a relationship. It hurts when someone ends a relationship without any communication or warning.
Ghosting leaves you wondering what you could have done wrong and questioning yourself; it may also lower your self-esteem and self-respect.
So, what do you do if your boyfriend ghosts you? Here are some of the things you can do to deal with being ghosted;
1. Don’t Take It Personally
Sometimes your boyfriend ghosting you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Your boyfriend may be emotionally immature.
According to Dr. Jones, most times, your boyfriend will ghost you for his own reasons and not anything you did. You should, therefore, let it go and not take it personally.
2. Move On
When your boyfriend ghosts you, it will hurt. It may even hurt more if it was a long-term relationship, and it’s okay to hurt; after all, you liked him.
However, you should not let your boyfriend ghosting you define you. After you have hurt, you need to get over him and move on.
Forget all the pain your boyfriend caused you, and focus on yourself. You can take up new hobbies or go out with your friends.
Please do whatever you need to move on and forget about him and the pain he caused you.
3. Take Care of Yourself
You may want to sit and dwell in the pain when a boyfriend ghosts you. However, you should remember to always take care of yourself.
Do not dwell on self-pity and question your self-worth because your boyfriend ghosted you.
Feel sad because you have to, and it is allowed but pick yourself up. Take a shower, go shopping, go dancing.
Do what you need to dig yourself out of the pit. Pamper yourself and boost your self-esteem.
4. Do Not Text Him Back
Sometimes your boyfriend may ghost you and then come knocking after a while when he sees your posts on social media or hears about you from a mutual friend.
However, do not text or call him even if he tries to get in touch with you. I know you may be tempted to talk to him and ask why he ghosted you, but it is best not to. Instead, give him a taste of his own medicine.
5. Do Not Over Analyze
When your boyfriend ghosts you, you may be tempted to overanalyze the situation, trying to figure out what you could have done wrong or what you may not have done.
Over-analyzing will cause you more pain, and at the end of the day, you will not have an answer as he is the only one who knows the real reason for ghosting you.
Overanalyzing the situation will also steal the time you could use to heal and move on. Unfortunately, we do not always get closure, so let it go and concentrate on healing.
I remember a time my boyfriend of three years ghosted me. One day we were talking; the next, he went mute.
I stayed long, trying to think what I could have done wrong. I cried myself to bed for at least two months until my friend told me to snap out of it.
I was trying to look for a reason why he could have ghosted me and get some closure, but I couldn’t because he was the only one who knew why he ghosted. Seven years later, I still don’t know why he left, and I am fine with it. I healed and moved on.
6. Talk To Your Friends
A problem shared is half solved. When your boyfriend ghosts you, it would help if you found someone you can confide in. Talk to them about your fears, and unload all that is in you to them.
Friends will always lift your spirit, so hang out with your friends more and tell them how you feel. Let them help you heal and move.
7. Do Not Rush To Get Into Another Relationship
When your boyfriend ghosts you, it is important to give yourself time to heal and take a break before you move on to another relationship.
If you move on too quickly into another relationship, you will carry baggage from the old relationship to the new one.
You do not want to bleed on people who did not cut you, so ensure you are fully healed before you seek another relationship, as you may end up hurting someone else the same way you were hurt or worse.
8. Talk To A Professional
Sometimes, you may find it hard to move on when your boyfriend ghosts you.
If you see yourself taking more time to heal from the heartbreak or your self-esteem has taken a major hit after your boyfriend ghosted you, seek professional help.
A therapist will help you unpack your feelings and work through them. They will also help you with tools for how you can better yourself to improve your self-esteem.
Seeking professional help allows you to vent and pour your heart out without judgment.
Ghosting is a disrespectful way to end a relationship, and it hurts the person being ghosted as they are left wondering what they did wrong to deserve being left without warning.
There are many reasons your boyfriend can decide to ghost you, including; not liking you, fearing commitment, cheating, abandonment issues, or other reasons.
While the act of being ghosted is painful, it is important to know that ghosting tells more about the character of the person ghosting and not the person being ghosted.
You should therefore find closure, and know that it is not always your fault that your boyfriend ghosted.
It would be best if you worked on moving on and healing from the toxic relationship when you are ghosted.
Photo by Pham Khoai
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.