In this article, we will explain why you may feel your boyfriend hates you and what you can do about it.
You have been in a relationship for a while now and finally feel like the relationship is on solid ground.
Then, suddenly, your relationship takes a nosedive, and you feel like your boyfriend hates you.
Feeling like your boyfriend hates, you can be distressing and confusing, to say the least. In addition, it can make you feel insecure and uncertain about the relationship’s future.
If one day you feel loved and appreciated, you start feeling like your boyfriend hates you after a while, the question, “Why do I feel like my boyfriend hates me?” is legitimate.
It is crucial to understand why you feel this way. First, however, it would help to understand that your feelings might not represent your boyfriend’s feelings.
Sometimes it may be that he doesn’t know how to articulate his feelings.
Reasons You Feel Your Boyfriend Hates You
There are many reasons you may feel your boyfriend hates you. Some of these reasons include;
1. It’s A Misunderstanding
One of the most common reasons you might feel like your boyfriend hates you is that you misunderstood his intentions or actions.
Sometimes we assume that our partner’s actions are meant to hurt us, but in reality, they have nothing to do with us.
These misunderstandings may make you feel like your boyfriend hates you or is intentionally trying to hurt you. Sometimes your perception may be colored by your past traumas and experiences.
According to Rachel Wright, a therapist, “Many times, our perception of a situation is colored by our past experiences, so it’s important to recognize and work through any emotional triggers that may be causing misunderstandings.”
For instance, if you have been in a financially abusive relationship, you may feel like your boyfriend hates you if you ask him for money and he has none to give.
Your past traumas will make you feel like he is intentionally denying you the money so you can beg for it, like in your previous relationships.
2. Miscommunications
Communication is vital to the success of any relationship. If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, it may be because of miscommunication between you.
We all have different communication styles, and if your communication style and your boyfriend’s do not align, there might be misunderstandings and misinterpretations.
For instance, if you feel your boyfriend doesn’t give you enough affection, you should talk to him about it and make him understand what you need.
Proper communication will help you convey your needs to your partner and help you both convey your expectations in the relationship.
So, if you find that your boyfriend’s communication style is different, try to understand each other’s styles to enable you to communicate better.
3. You Have Different Love Languages
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, you might have different love languages. We will have different ways of expressing and receiving love.
So, if you and your boyfriend have different love languages, you may feel like he hates you because he doesn’t express his love the way you prefer receiving it.
Different love languages in a relationship can create misunderstanding and feelings of rejection.
For example, if your boyfriend doesn’t understand your love language, you may feel like he disregards your feelings or hates you.
A 2020 study on love languages found that if someone’s partner used their preferred love language well, they had increased feelings of love and relationship satisfaction.
For instance, my boyfriend’s love language is touch, he loves cuddling, and my love language is gifting.
So, if I don’t cuddle with him, he feels like I don’t like him, and if he doesn’t gift me, I feel the same.
However, we have learned each other’s love languages and learned to accommodate each other.
Gary Chapman, the relationship expert who developed the love languages theory, says, “We must be willing to learn our partner’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”
4. Feeling Unappreciated
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, it could be that you feel he doesn’t appreciate you. You will think he hates you when you do something for your boyfriend and he doesn’t appreciate you.
Appreciation is vital in a relationship as it makes you feel you are important to your partner and your contributions in the relationship are important.
If you feel your boyfriend doesn’t appreciate you or takes you for granted, it will make you angry, and you may resent your partner and feel like he hates you.
One of the common reasons for unhappiness in a relationship is feeling unappreciated.
Communicating your needs and expectations to your partner and ensuring he shows appreciation and respect is essential for a satisfying relationship.
5. There Is No Intimacy In The Relationship
If your relationship lacks intimacy, you may feel like your boyfriend hates you. According to studies, relationships that lack intimacy are more prone to breakups than those with intimate partners.
So, if your boyfriend is not intimate with you, you might feel like he hates you. Intimacy is important in a relationship; lacking it can lead to feelings of disconnect and frustration.
However, intimacy in relationships is not all about sex but emotional and physical intimacy. Therefore, you need to connect with your partner is an emotional level to have a satisfying relationship.
For instance, if your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed, you may feel he hates you because he doesn’t give you the emotional intimacy you crave.
6. He Is Interested In Someone Else
I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but it might be true if you feel your boyfriend hates you. He may be interested in another woman and has lost feelings for you.
If your boyfriend has met someone who he thinks is better than you, he will lose interest in you, and you will feel like he is over you.
When another woman is in the picture, he will take all the attention from you and divert it to the other woman.
He will also start spending less time with you, and if he is with you, he will be distracted by his phone as he is texting the other woman.
7. He Doesn’t Like You Anymore
Yeah, I know, it is bad enough that you feel your boyfriend hates you, but it gets worse when your feelings are confirmed.
If your boyfriend is tired of you and dislikes you, he might start frustrating you, and you will feel he hates you. Some of the signs that your boyfriend may be tired of you include;
- He is no longer intimate with you.
- He doesn’t appreciate your efforts.
- He will not reply to your texts or calls.
- He blames you for everything.
- Everything you do bothers him.
- You are no longer a priority.
For instance, if your boyfriend doesn’t like you anymore, he will not be interested in knowing what you are or how you are doing. One time I was dating this guy who would always check up on me.
Then, suddenly, he didn’t want to call me; he couldn’t be bothered to know how I was doing.
Finally, he told me I wasn’t taking hints when I asked why he changed. It was very hurting; I left the relationship a broken person.
8. He Has A Mental Illness
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, he could have a mental illness. Mental illnesses such as personality disorder, anxiety, PTSD, and depression can cause sudden changes in your partner’s behavior.
Your partner’s behavior might have been normal if his condition had been dormant when you first met. However, if something triggers him, his condition may recur.
However, behavior change is common if your boyfriend is a narcissist. He will love bomb you at the beginning of the relationship and then start mistreating you. His aim was to get you hooked and then start being nasty.
Moreover, if your boyfriend has depression, he may change when his condition worsens, and he may mistreat you during a depressive episode.
9. He Has A Substance Abuse Problem
If your boyfriend has a substance abuse problem, you will feel like he hates you.
If he hid the problem from you at the beginning of the relationship, you would feel like he hates you when he picks up the habit again.
For instance, if your boyfriend had a substance abuse problem and hid it from you at the beginning of the relationship, you may have gone for drinks with him.
However, after a while, you will realize his drinking is not occasional but a problem.
Moreover, when he is under the influence, he will mistreat you and may even physically abuse you.
What To Do When You Feel Like My Boyfriend Hates Me
It is frustrating when you feel like your boyfriend hates you, and you will want to do everything to rectify the situation.
Some of the things you can do if you feel your boyfriend hates you.
1. Talk To Him
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. However, you should approach him politely and not use accusatory language when talking to him.
Ensure you use “I” statements instead of “You statements.” Instead of telling him, “You make me feel unappreciated,” tell him, “I feel like you don’t appreciate me.”
Communication is the key to the success of a relationship. Proper communication will help you understand and know each other’s communication styles.
Moreover, with proper communication, you will understand your boyfriend’s love language, and it also allows you to explain it to him.
You will have a more satisfying relationship with this understanding and stating of expectations.
2. Take A Break
I know taking a break may not be something that may have crossed your mind. But if you feel like your boyfriend hates you, you can take a break from the relationship and assess the situation.
During the break, you can evaluate the relationship and see what you can and cannot tolerate. Moreover, a break will make your boyfriend miss you, and he will learn to appreciate your presence.
On the other hand, a break may be the last straw; you need to see that the relationship will not work and finally move on.
For instance, if you ask your boyfriend for a break and he is relieved, he may have been waiting for the chance to break up with you.
3. Seek Help
If you feel your boyfriend hates you because of a mental illness or substance abuse, seek help.
If he has a mental condition, a therapist will help him work through his condition and also give you tips on how you can support him during his healing journey.
Moreover, therapy will help you understand his condition better and know how to live with him and manage his condition.
For instance, if your boyfriend has bipolar disorder, he will have extreme highs and extreme lows; a therapist will show you how to manage both extremes and may also prescribe medicine to help manage the condition.
4. Walk Away
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you because he is no longer interested in you or has another woman on the side, it may be time to call it quits.
You deserve someone who loves you for you, appreciates and shows you affection. So, if you are not getting these from the relationship, you can walk away and get someone better who will give you the love you deserve.
Moreover, if your boyfriend is a narcissist, LEAVE, a narcissist, will never change, no matter how much you want him to change.
You deserve someone who loves you all the time and not one whose love bombs you one minute and is nasty the next minute.
I know walking away is hard, but the more you stay in an emotionally abusive relationship, the more you get addicted to your boyfriend’s highs and lows, and the harder it will be to leave.
5. Focus On Yourself
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, focus on yourself. Do the things you love without thinking about him. This is the best time to concentrate your love on yourself.
Take up a self-care routine, go for a hike, go for a shopping spree, or hang out with your friends, anything that makes you happy, do it.
Love yourself a little more, as no one can love you better than you can love yourself.
Parting Shot
Feeling like your boyfriend hates you is heartbreaking. We all want our partners to love us and make us feel appreciated. However, sometimes that may not be the case.
There are many reasons you may feel like your boyfriend hates you. These reasons include misunderstandings, miscommunication, and having different love languages.
Moreover, if you feel unappreciated in the relationship or there is no intimacy, you will feel like your boyfriend hates you.
Additionally, if your boyfriend has a mental illness, substance abuse, or is interested in another woman, you will feel like he hates you.
If you feel like your boyfriend hates you, you will want to rectify the situation. You can talk to him, take a break from the relationship or seek professional help.
However, if that fails or you feel he hates you because he is interested in someone else or is a narcissist, you should walk away.
Everyone deserves someone who makes them feel loved. EVEN YOU. So, if you start feeling your boyfriend hates you, find out why and do what is best for you.
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