In this article, we will help you understand why your girlfriend may have broken up with you and guide you on what to do moving forward to help you heal and move on from a breakup.
Being left by your girlfriend is a heartbreaking and, at times, harrowing experience.
Imagine you have been in a stable, loving relationship, and the rug is pulled from under you, and your girlfriend leaves you because, according to her, “it is just not working, or “I can’t do this anymore” or the classic “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Falling in love and being in love is an intense feeling that often leaves people euphoric and excited.
However, severing that connection between two people can trigger an overwhelming rush of negative emotions, which can feel physically painful.
If you are in such a situation, you are probably wondering why she broke up with you and what you could do about the situation.
Read on to understand what may have caused your girlfriend to break up with you and learn how to bounce back from a breakup successfully.
Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Broke Up with You
There are many reasons why your girlfriend may have broken up with you. Some of the reasons include;
1. You Had Misplaced Priorities, And She Felt Left Out
Friends and family are important to a person’s life and may greatly impact your relationship with your partner.
For instance, if you are close to your friends and family and are used to spending too much time with them, you may fail to notice that you are neglecting your girlfriend.
There have been many instances where women complain that “he prioritizes his friends and family, I feel left out,” giving that as the main reason for their breaking up with their boyfriends.
Women love attention, and being a priority is important as it shows them that you love them, especially if their love language is quality time.
For instance, my love language is quality time; I love spending a lot of time with the person I am dating; I tend to feel like less of a priority if they spend too much time with other people and not spend time with me.
So, if your girlfriend broke up with you, it may be because she did not feel prioritized in the relationship and your life.
2. She Lost Feelings for You
People change and evolve; the same happens to feelings and attraction.
Your girlfriend may have broken up with you because she lost feelings and is no longer attracted to you.
So, if you feel like your girlfriend doesn’t like you anymore, she may have lost feelings for you.
Sometimes, couples may lose romantic feelings, and sometimes, your partner is no longer interested in pursuing the relationship further.
This explains the cliché line, “It’s not you, it’s me,” because it is true that it is not your fault they lost feelings for you. They could also be attracted to someone new.
As humans, we meet different people daily, all different from each other. Your girlfriend may have found someone else who they felt more attracted to.
For example, your calm and composed demeanor may have attracted her initially.
She then meets a ‘bad boy’ who is completely different from you in every way, and she is attracted to this new person’s personality.
She may decide to explore this new attraction. This may hurt, but it could be one of the reasons why your girlfriend broke up with you.
3. She Found Out You are Cheating
According to research, infidelity is one of the major causes of breakups in relationships and divorce.
When someone cheats on their partner, they shutter trust, erode intimacy, and break the relationship.
Most relationships where partners cheated ended up in break ups. This is because it is hard for one to trust their partner anymore.
It affects the mental health and self-esteem of the partner who was cheated on and makes them doubt themselves.
Cheating is dangerous as it also puts your partner’s physical health on the line. You could have thought cheating is only physical; however, cheating can be physical and emotional.
You may have emotionally cheated on your girlfriend by entertaining companionship and emotional support from someone else.
It is hard to notice when you are cheating emotionally; it still hurts your partner, as they notice.
Emotional and physical infidelity shutters trust, love, and affection in relationships and can also bring illnesses.
4. She Had Different Expectations
If both parties have similar expectations, the relationship tends to go on longer and be more successful because it contributes to your compatibility.
You may have been in a relationship where your goals and expectations in life and the relationship were mismatched; this may lead to feelings of hate, confusion, and even disappointment.
The differences that come about your having different expectations affect relationships because one partner may end up expecting more than the other can give.
Additionally, having different expectations affects the dynamic of the relationship and plans, which may have contributed to your girlfriend breaking up with you.
For instance, if she expected to move in after one year and marry after two years, you planned not to marry.
This situation shows the significant difference in what you expect from each other and the relationship.
Your girlfriend may have noticed that your goals and expectations did not align with hers and broke up with you.
It is essential to discuss your expectations before getting into a relationship to avoid frustrations.
5. Poor Communication
Your girlfriend may have broken up with you because of poor communication. You may think that communication is not important.
However, according to a survey by Your Tango, a major reason for divorce is lack of communication.
When there is no communication in a relationship, you end up becoming strangers tied together by a relationship. There will be misunderstandings, emotional distance, and conflict.
Lack of communication makes you and your girlfriend stop sharing your feelings, concerns, and thoughts, and you start making assumptions.
For instance, when you go out to a party with your friends after an argument with your girlfriend, sleep at your friend’s place, and fail to tell your girlfriend where you went, she will think you are with someone else.
Lack of communication in a relationship brings resentment, frustration, and mistrust.
It is important to talk about the problems you have in the relationship to work them out and avoid more problems down the road.
6. Your Relationship Was Incompatible
Incompatibility in your relationship could be the reason why she broke up with you, incompatibility is a leading cause of breakups according to research.
Even if you love someone deeply, being on different pages in terms of your values, interests, life goals, communication styles, or vision for the future can create constant tension and arguments.
If you and your ex-girlfriend wanted different things out of life, had contrasting personalities, or struggled to resolve conflicts, it likely led to her breaking up with you.
Although opposites can attract initially, maintaining a strong bond requires having some core things in common and a willingness to compromise.
Examining the ways you and your ex were incompatible can provide insight into why the relationship dissolved.
Accepting incompatibility as a valid reason for breaking up, despite still loving each other, can help you process the end of the relationship in a healthier way.
What to Do To Move On and Bounce Back From a Breakup
Trying to fix a broken relationship is, at times, pointless, and the best thing to do is to focus on moving on from the previous relationship.
Below are steps to help you heal, grow, and move on with your life.
1. Give Yourself Time and Space to Grieve
According to Jessica Rizk, a licensed professional counselor, breakups are stressful, draining, and emotional experiences in life.
Breakups are like being launched into unchartered territory where life without your girlfriend sounds and seems impossible.
While many people believe they should stay strong and forge forward with their lives, therapists encourage people to live through the heartbreak.
According to therapist Anagha Bhave, it is important to understand the circumstances that led to the breakup and acknowledge the feelings of sadness, anger, grief, and anxiety as they are part of the healing process.
Moreover, living through these feelings will help you understand, work through them, and not have meltdowns due to the pent-up emotions.
For instance, take some time off, watch movies, cry to your heart’s content, eat your favorite foods, and indulge.
Grief and sadness are normal when you are heartbroken because we are only human at the end of the day.
2. Seek Professional Help
Breakups can be brutal and affect a person’s mental health and daily life.
If you cannot stop romanticizing your past relationship and withdrawing from your friends, family, and people around you, it is time to get help.
Experiencing severe emotional conditions such as depression, stress, and anxiety are signs that you should seek professional help.
You may think this is a little too much for a breakup; however, knowing when to seek professional help is necessary.
Even though it is easy for some people to get over breakups and move on with their lives easily, that is not the case for some people.
Research shows that 20% of suicides annually are relationship-related.
You must see a therapist or psychologist or talk to someone who will help you through the breakup.
3. Set Goals and Prioritize Self-Care
After a breakup, you find yourself with a lot of alone time, which if not well used may lead you to depression.
Setting new personal goals for yourself and working towards them will help fill up your time with more constructive things and get your mind focused on something other than the breakup.
This is the time to sign up for that post-grad class you have been postponing or taking up the trip you didn’t have time for.
According to Psychologist Jeremy Sutton, setting goals, such as focusing on personal growth and learning new hobbies and skills, such as taking art classes, pottery, and going to the gym, is therapeutic.
Self-care is important; no matter how down in the dumps you may be feeling, you must take care of yourself.
Taking care of your mental and physical health and well-being is essential as it will pull you out of that dark place.
Self-care entails a variety of activities that you could do to care for your body, mind, and well-being.
Meditation, journaling, yoga, and mindfulness exercises are some of the things you could incorporate into your self-care routine.
4. Cutting off Contact
In modern-day society where you can keep track of a person via social media, cutting someone off sounds like a near-impossible thing to do.
Acknowledge that cutting off your ex is a vital part of the process for you to heal and move on. It is important to set boundaries on social media.
Your ex may be showing off on social media, posting her new life and maybe her new man.
This will hurt you, and the best way is to unfollow, unfriend, block, mute, and hide her from all social media platforms to help you heal.
Take a break from social media for a while to help you heal and move on.
Imagine, while still nursing heartbreak after a breakup, you bump into your ex’s new Instagram post. It is them looking happy in a wedding gown.
That would probably take you back to rock bottom. So avoid stalking your ex on social media.
On the other hand, it is important to cut contact because your ex may come back after breaking up with you if they don’t find someone suitable to replace you.
You don’t want to be the second option for anyone. You deserve better.
5. Be Open to New Relationships
After a breakup, many people find it hard to put themselves out there again. The constant fear of being heartbroken and being left can be crippling.
Many people don’t want to give their hearts to someone else and have the trample on them the same way their ex did.
A breakup is hard and may even feel like someone sucker punched you, but you have to get up, dust yourself off and move on.
After you have had time to heal, it is okay to get back to the dating pool. You may find someone ready to give you the love you deserve.
For all you know, maybe that shy friend who has been with you, holding your hand during the breakup, has a soft spot for you.
6. Reflect on the relationship and Acknowledge your Flaws
Reflecting on the relationship is important as it will help you stop romanticizing your past relationship and see it as it was, which will help you move on with your life.
Taking time to see what went wrong in the relationship is necessary as it helps you understand both parties and the mistakes that led to the end of the relationship.
You can tell if the problem was misunderstandings due to lack of communication or cheating.
This will help you make better choices in the future. After self-reflection, you will know your mistakes and not repeat them.
Imagine getting into a new relationship and then your new girlfriend breaking up for the same reasons your ex broke up with you.
It is, therefore, important to reflect on the relationship to acknowledge your flaws and avoid making the same mistakes.
If you did not communicate, improve communication, prioritize your girlfriend, and be loyal to them.
Bottom Line
Breakups are, without a doubt, undeniably painful, especially if you don’t know the reason your girlfriend broke up with you.
It is, however, a transformative experience that could end up in you being the best version of yourself.
There are many reasons your girlfriend broke up with you, including misplaced priorities, infidelity, and lack of communication.
However, instead of fixating on the why, you must focus on how to bounce back and improve yourself despite the breakup.
You can move on after a breakup by cutting contact with your ex, taking time to grieve, seeking professional help, and working towards your goals.
Moreover, you should reflect on your flaws and be open to new relationships after healing.
Photo by Alena Darmel: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-woman-in-cream-sweater-behind-a-person-in-black-vest-6643024/