Home » Why Does My Boyfriend Always Go Through My Phone (7 Reasons)

Why Does My Boyfriend Always Go Through My Phone (7 Reasons)

In this article, we will examine reasons why your boyfriend always goes through your phone and what you can do about it.

A phone is private property and should be respected as such. If your boyfriend always goes through your phone, you will wonder why he always does it or what he is really looking for.

However, we have all been tempted to go through our partner’s phone at one time. According to relationship expert Dawn Michael, author of My Husband Won’t Have Sex with Me, at least 80% of people have snuck a peek at their partner’s phone, and almost everyone has thought about it.

Your boyfriend going through your phone means your relationship may not be as great as you thought. For example, your boyfriend could have trust issues or think they will find something.

Nowadays, phones contain our innermost thoughts, and having someone go through your phone will make you feel like you are constantly under surveillance. When you feel watched, your relationship will take a turn for the worst.

Reasons Your Boyfriend Always Go Through Your Phone

No matter the reason, going through someone’s phone is wrong, invading their privacy and breaking trust in the relationship.

That being said, here are the reasons your boyfriend always goes through your phone.

1. He Has Trust Issues

If your boyfriend has trust issues, he will go through your phone. Psychologist Ryan Howes says, “It says that you don’t trust what your partner tells and shows you who they really are and that their true self is reflected in their communication and searches on their phone.”

If your boyfriend does not trust what you tell him, he will try to look for his version of the truth from your phone.

Your boyfriend always goes through your phone because he is worried there are secrets you hide or are doing something you should not be doing.

According to Kurt Smith, a therapist, “When people sneak a peek at their partner’s phone, it feeds secrecy and distrust into the relationship, both of which are likely to be the primary reasons the person is checking in the first place.”

When your boyfriend snoops through your phone, it may seem like a good idea at first because he will get what he wants, but after, it will create more problems in the relationship.

For instance, when you catch your boyfriend going through your phone, you will never trust him again for invading your privacy.

Even if you are in a relationship where you do not have secrets, you will want to have a little privacy.

2. He Thinks You Are Cheating

If your boyfriend thinks you are cheating on him, he will always go through your phone to look for evidence or assurances you are not.

It hurts when you cheat on your partner. So, if you have cheated on your partner in the past, he will have a hard time trusting you will not cheat on him again, and he will go through your phone to ensure you are not cheating again.

Moreover, if an ex cheated on your partner, he may have trust issues and want to check if you are cheating on him. Your boyfriend could be going through your phone to see if you are texting other guys behind his back.

According to Dr. Andrea Bonior, a therapist, “If someone has been cheated on in the past, they may be more likely to seek evidence of cheating in future relationships.”

For instance, once, my friend thought his girlfriend was cheating on him and went through her phone to see if his suspicions were true.

After going through the phone, he found some messages from before they started dating, which upset him.

Moreover, his girlfriend found out he had been snooping through her phone. This led to more problems in the relationship because his girlfriend did not trust him again, and even if she was not cheating, they ended up breaking up.

3. He Wants To Control You

Sometimes your boyfriend will go through your phone because he wants to control who you are. For example, if your boyfriend is a narcissist and is gaslighting you, he will want to control everything you do.

Snooping through your phone is a way to ensure you do not have a life of your own and you do not do anything that he does not want you to do.

If your boyfriend wants to control you, they will keep tabs on your phone activity to know who you are talking to and what other activities you are involved in.

If you think your boyfriend is trying to control you, you can look out for these signs;

  • He criticizes you a lot.
  • He isolates you from family and friends.
  • He stalks you.
  • He threatens you.
  • He gaslights you.
  • He guilt-trips you.
  • He is insecure and doubts you.
  • He wants to know everything you do.
  • He doesn’t want you talking to other people.
  • He wants to dictate what you wear.
  • He wants to make all decisions in your life.

4. He Is Insecure

If your boyfriend is insecure, he will go through your phone because he needs constant assurance that you are not cheating on him.

Psychologist Dr. Sherrie Campbell, author of Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members, explains, “When someone is insecure, they need constant reassurance that they are loved and valued, and they may feel threatened by their partner’s relationships with others.

If your boyfriend is insecure in the relationship, he will try to gain assurances that you still love him.

For example, he may ask you often if you still love him or snoop through your phone to see who you are talking to.

If you suspect your boyfriend is insecure, here are signs to look out for;

  • He asks many questions about where you have been and what you were doing.
  • He is jealous of your friends.
  • He can’t go to social events without you.
  • He has no friends or outside interests.
  • He is always looking for validation.
  • He tells you he loves you right away.
  • He stalks you.
  • He tries so hard to show his masculinity.
  • He thinks you are cheating all the time.
  • He can’t take criticism.

5. He Is Looking For Leverage

Sometimes your boyfriend will go through your phone to look for information he can leverage against you.

For example, if your boyfriend has wronged you, he will want to get sensitive information about you so he can use it against you in the future if you catch him in the wrong.

According to Dr. Seth Meyers, psychologist and author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve, “snooping through a partner’s phone may also be driven by the desire to gain access to sensitive information that can be used against them in the future.”

So, if your boyfriend is looking through your phone, he may be looking for information to use against you later.

This is harmful to the relationship because if your boyfriend unleashes sensitive information during a fight, you will never trust him again for invading your privacy like that.

6. There Is a Lack Of Communication

Your boyfriend may always go through your phone if there is no communication. For example, if you do not open up to your boyfriend and do things behind his back, he may feel the need to go through your phone to know what is going on in your life.

Relationships are about sharing and being there for one another. So, if your boyfriend feels like you cut him out of your life, he may snoop through your phone to know what is happening in your life.

Your boyfriend may feel you don’t trust him with information and will snoop to get the information he wants.

According to Dr. Becky Whetstone, a therapist, if someone feels they can’t trust their partner or their partner doesn’t trust them, they may feel the need to resort to snooping to get information.

7. He Doesn’t Respect Boundaries

If your boyfriend is always going through your phone, it could be because he doesn’t respect boundaries in the relationship.

As much as you are in love with your boyfriend, you need to have healthy boundaries for the relationship to thrive.

If your boyfriend doesn’t respect your boundaries, he will go through your phone and will not care about violating your privacy.

According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist, “some people may not understand what privacy means in a relationship or, they may think that it’s their right to know everything about their partner.”

What Is The Impact Of Your Boyfriend Going Through Your Phone?

Your boyfriend always going through your phone will create problems in the relationship. Some of the effects of your boyfriend snooping through your phone include the following;

  • Breach of trust: when your boyfriend goes through your phone, it breaches privacy and trust. You will never trust him again when you find out he went through your phone.
  • End of the relationship: if your boyfriend is always going through your phone, it shows he is insecure and doesn’t trust you. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t trust them, and you may end up breaking up with him to get some peace of mind. According to The University of British Columbia, snooping through your partner’s phone will end the relationship. 

What To Do If Your Boyfriend Always Goes Through Your Phone

You will want to remedy the situation if your boyfriend always goes through your phone. After all, we all need a little privacy in our lives.

So here are some things to do if your boyfriend always goes through your phone.

1. Talk About It

If your boyfriend always goes through your phone, you should talk to him about it. However, when talking to him, do not lash out. Instead, remain calm and be direct.

I know it is easier said than done, but if you want to deal with your boyfriend’s trust issues, do not lash out at him, as it will only create more problems.

Moreover, avoid setting him up for failure when talking to him. Tell him you know he went through your phone directly, and you can go from there.

Ask him why he felt the need to go through your phone or what he would like to know.

You should also explain to him how him going through your phone makes you feel.

2. Rebuild Trust

If your boyfriend is always going through your phone, he has lost trust in you. You can rebuild the trust in the relationship by assuring him nothing unbecoming is going on.

If you have done something to make him lose trust in you, apologize and assure him you will not do it again.

Trust is vital for a relationship to work. And if your boyfriend has lost trust in you, it may take some time to rebuild the trust.

You can ask your boyfriend what you need to do to regain his trust and strive to do it.

Dr. Bonior states, “If you’re committed to rebuilding trust, you need to show your partner that you’re consistent, reliable, and trustworthy.”

3. Address The Underlying Causes

If your boyfriend is always going through your phone, there must be some underlying causes. For instance, he may have been cheated on in the past, making him think you are cheating.

If this is the case, you should assure him that you are not cheating and that just because his ex-girlfriend cheated on him doesn’t mean you will cheat on him too.

4. Seek Professional Help

If your boyfriend constantly goes through your phone, you should seek professional help.

A therapist will help your boyfriend deal with any underlying issues that may make him lose trust in you and go through your phone.

Moreover, a therapist will help you work on your boundaries. They will show you how to set healthy boundaries in the relationship so your boyfriend may not feel like you are closing him off from your life.

Bottom Line

Your boyfriend going through your phone is wrong; no one should breach your privacy by snooping through your phone.

Moreover, if your boyfriend is going through your phone, it shows deeper issues in the relationship.

Your boyfriend could be going through your phone for many reasons, including a lack of trust, lack of communication in the relationship, and insecurity.

Moreover, if your boyfriend thinks you are cheating, he will always go through your phone.

If your boyfriend wants to control you, he will go through your phone to see who you talk to. Additionally, he will look through your phone if he wants to have leverage over you.

Your boyfriend going through your phone will harm your relationship because you will lose trust in him for invading your privacy, and you may end the relationship.

If your boyfriend always goes through your phone, you should talk to him and assure him of your love; you should also try to rebuild trust in the relationship.

You may also seek the help of a professional to deal with the underlying issues that make your boyfriend go through your phone. A therapist will also help you create healthy boundaries in the relationship.


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