My Boyfriend Says I Am Annoying: What Should I Do?

In this article, we’ll explore the reasons why your boyfriend says you’re annoying and discuss some steps you can take to address the issue.

Sometimes, we can all get annoying. If your boyfriend tells you that you are annoying, you should check yourself to know what you are doing that is annoying him and what you should do to stop being annoying.

That being said, you need to understand that being annoying is not something that most people do intentionally and so you may also be annoying your boyfriend unwillingly. 

If you realize that you are annoying your boyfriend, please take a step to analyze what you could be doing that is annoying him. 

For instance, my boyfriend finds it annoying when I complain; when I realize this, I try not to complain much. However, I am a control freak and like things to go my way.

So, if I plan something that doesn’t go my way, I get very anxious and complain. I am trying my best to do better, but sometimes anxiety gets the better of me. 

So, are you annoying your boyfriend? Read on to learn more.

Reasons Your Boyfriend Says You Are Annoying

First things first, annoying is very subjective; there are things that you will do that one person finds annoying while another person will find cute. So the first thing you need to know is why your boyfriend says you are annoying.

What is this that you do that makes him irritated? The best thing you can do is ask your boyfriend what about you that he finds annoying.

However, you should be careful as the feedback you get may not be what you expect, and you may get hurt. 

You may also ask another trusted person if the same thing that annoys your boyfriend annoys them too. Because as we said, annoyance is subjective.

Here are some of the things that you may be doing that your boyfriend finds annoying.

1. You May be Asking Too Many Questions

Some people find it annoying when we ask too many questions. So, if you ask too many questions, you may find that your boyfriend will get irritated with you. 

For example, I have anxiety, and I hate surprises. So, whenever we are going somewhere, I need to have all the details of the place we are going to, who will be there, and the activities I will likely engage in. 

My boyfriend, on the other hand, likes surprising me. He is the kind to say, “Babe, dress up; we are going out.” But, then, he doesn’t offer any more information.

This drives me crazy because I have to ask a lot of follow-up questions that will start driving him crazy too. 

2. You Are Needy

Your boyfriend may find you annoying when you are so needy in a relationship. According to Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a relationship expert and coach, insecurity and attachment issues cause one to be needy in a relationship.

According to Bronstein, if you always fear that your boyfriend may leave you or not love you, you may have an insecure attachment. Your neediness may stem from childhood or your previous relationships. 

3. You Are Anxious

If you are anxious, people may find you more annoying than those people who are not anxious. According to Alison Maslin-Maratos, a clinical therapist, annoying responses result from anxiety.

According to Maratos, anxiety is the voice in your head– negative self-talk—which questions your responses, connection with others, and their motivation for being in a relationship with you.  

If you ask your boyfriend why he is with you and being insecure in the relationship due to anxiety, you may annoy your boyfriend.

For instance, if you send your boyfriend a text to go somewhere and he delays in answering it, you may have a lot of negative self-talk like: “should I text him again,” “should I call,” “maybe he doesn’t want to go with me.” 

If this is you, take a step back, and look at the situation again. This may be easier said than done, as the longer he goes without answering, the more agitated you get.

But look at it this way, maybe he hasn’t answered because he is busy and hasn’t seen the text. Do not pester him with more texts and calls, as this will annoy him.

What Should You Do if Your Boyfriend Says You Are Annoying?

According to Kira Asatryan, a relationship coach and author of Stop Being Lonely, annoyance may be good in a relationship because it shows that you are comfortable in the relationship and can be yourself.

According to Steven McCornack in his book Relate and Reflect: An Introduction to Interpersonal Communication, during the coming together phase in the experimenting and intensifying stages, you will avoid any instances of being annoying.

This cements Asatryan’s theory that annoyance in a relationship is good because it shows you are comfortable and can be your authentic self.

You may not be intentionally annoying your boyfriend. However, if you recognize that you are annoying him, you should change a few things to be less annoying. 

Here are some things you should do to be less annoying to your boyfriend and others close to you.

1. Listen 

Listening more to your boyfriend will help you be less annoying. The art of listening can be pretty hard for some people to master, but you should try as much as possible to master it.

For example, when you are talking to your boyfriend, it will help if you listen more, talk less, and avoid interrupting him when he is talking. 

According to William Doverspike, Ph.D, in How to Improve your Listening Skills. You should not interrupt your boyfriend even when he talks with long pauses when you are talking.

Wait for him to finish his train of thought before you speak. You should also listen to understand and not answer.

More importantly, if you annoy your boyfriend, ask him what he finds annoying and listen to him without getting defensive so that you may change. 

On the other hand, you should listen to your boyfriend when he talks to you. Sometimes he may be opening up to you about something important. Most times, when we open up to someone, we are not looking for advice but an avenue to vent. 

So, listen carefully to your boyfriend to know what he needs at that exact moment. Because you may offer him advice, and he may get annoyed with you. This will be counterproductive.

2. Smile

A smile goes a long way to brighten someone’s day. So, when you are talking to your boyfriend, smile more. Furthermore, it is very hard to be annoying when you are smiling, so smile. 

Additionally, people find that you are more engaged with what they say if you smile. And society associates smiling with positive qualities, so when you are smiling at your boyfriend when he is talking to you, he is bound to find you less annoying.

However, you should gauge the room and the talk you are having; you don’t want to smile when you get bad news.

3. Keep Your Word

When you make a promise, it is important for you to always keep your word. As the saying goes, “your word is your bond.” So, when you promise your boyfriend to do something with him, ensure you keep your word.

Broken promises can make you very annoying; your partner must know that they can rely on you. On the off chance that you may not be able to keep your word due to unavoidable circumstances, communicate. 

If your boyfriend is like me, and I believe most people are, he hates broken promises. So if you promise to do something, please keep your end of the bargain; more importantly, do not promise something you know you cannot deliver.

It doesn’t matter how small you think the promise is; if you make a coffee date, keep the date. Keeping your word goes a long way in improving your relationship with your boyfriend and other people.

 4. Don’t Nag

One of the things that you may be doing that is annoying your boyfriend is being needy and nagging. According to Molly Howes, in The Cure for Nagging, nagging is one of the most common relationship complaints.

When you nag your boyfriend, it is bound to make him annoyed. But, unfortunately, most times in relationships, we don’t know that we are nagging until it is too late.

Nagging starts as an innocent ask, but when your boyfriend does not do what you asked him immediately, you will put it into your to-do list and ask again.

According to Mowes, constant asking will trigger a delay with your boyfriend because he does not want to feel like you are pushing him around. 

For instance, if someone tells you to do something and you are just about to do it out of your free will, you will postpone doing it even if you were to do it immediately. This is because you feel like the person is nagging you.

So, try not to nag your boyfriend; if you tell him to do something, wait until he does it, or at least wait a certain amount of time, so you don’t nag.

Also, asking something nicely gets you results a lot faster, so be nice when asking for things to get done.

5. Apologize

Apologies go a long way in a relationship. So when you realize that you are annoying your boyfriend, apologize.

Be sincere with your apology and be specific too. For instance, I know I annoy my boyfriend when he is driving because I keep telling him things he could have done differently.

I know he is the driver and sees things his way on the road, and I see things differently while driving.

In a case like this, I can apologize by saying, “I am sorry I yelled when you were driving; I should have let you do your thing.” 

It also helps to look someone in the eye when you apologize.

6. Don’t Offer Advice Until You Are Asked

If there is one thing many people find annoying, it’s unsolicited advice. Unfortunately, many people are guilty of this behavior, myself included.

If your boyfriend is talking to you about something that happened or is bothering him, it is best if you listen and not offer advice until he explicitly asks for it.

It is not always that people tell you their problems, looking for answers. Sometimes they want a trusted ear to vent to and maybe a shoulder to lean on if they need to cry. 

If your boyfriend comes to you to vent, listen, and ask questions for clarification but do not offer advice unless he asks your opinion. Being empathetic is more important than offering advice.

7. Seek Therapy

If you find that you are annoying your boyfriend and cannot handle the situation alone, you may seek professional help. 

A therapist will help you identify why you are annoying and help you talk through the issues with your boyfriend.

If your annoying behavior stems from anxiety, your therapist will help with coping mechanisms for the anxiety to help be less annoying.

Therapy may also help your boyfriend know why it irritates him so much if you do certain things because, in some cases, it is not even about you. He may be dealing with some underlying issues that he may need to confront. 

What are the signs that you annoy someone?

Sometimes you may be annoying someone without your knowledge. However, you can look out for signs that you may be annoying someone. Some of these signs include;

  • Watch their body language; if they turn their legs away when talking to you or cross their arms, you may be annoying them.
  • They sigh when talking to you.
  • They interrupt you.
  • They zone out when you are talking.  
  • They talk over you.     
  • They don’t hear you.  
  • They have eye contact with other people when talking to you.
  • They don’t ask personal questions.
  • They leave when you are talking.
  • They constantly agree with you- if the person is only saying yes, it may be time to cut the story short as you may be annoying them.
Why am I so annoying?

You may be annoying for many reasons, some of which include the following;   
You have anxiety.    
You do not take things positively.
You ask too many questions.
You talk too much.
You tend to nag.

Should I ask if I am annoying?

Yes, it is okay to ask if you are annoying. It shows that you have a high level of maturity and awareness. It also shows that you respect the person’s boundaries.

Why is my boyfriend easily annoyed with me?

There are many reasons your boyfriend is easily annoyed with you. Some of them include the following; 

  • He doesn’t like spending time with you.
  • He likes someone else.
  • He is insecure.
  • He feels he is doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship.        
  • He is stressed.  
  • He is keeping secrets from you   
  • He is losing feelings for you

Recommended Read9 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Not Showing You Off And What To Do

Why Do I Feel Like My Boyfriend Hates Me? (9 Reasons)

Final Thought on My Boyfriend Says I Am Annoying

At one point, we all find that we are annoying someone. It can be hard to live with someone who is constantly annoying you.

So if you are annoying your boyfriend, you should try to do your best to change, as it may be bad for the relationship.

Your boyfriend may find you annoying if you ask too many questions and are anxious and needy.

Therefore, it would be best if you worked on being less annoying to your boyfriend and others around you. 

Try listening more and asking questions. It will also help if you do not offer advice unless asked to and always keep your word.

Being annoying may lead your relationship to a rocky place. Therefore, it is important to work on yourself and be less annoying.

Photo by Liza Summer

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