In this article, we will look at why he pursued you and then rejected you and what you can do under these circumstances.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you and then reject you? This is one of the most confusing things in a relationship because it sends you on a tailspin.
Having someone pursue you and then reject you will send you on a rollercoaster of emotions, some of which you don’t know what to do with. You will be hurt, confused and may even question your self-worth.
Rejection is disheartening, but it is a part of life. You will not be everyone’s cup of tea. The only way to deal with rejection is to know why it happened in the first place.
So, why would a person who pursued you reject you?
Why Did He Pursue Me Then Reject Me?
It is confusing when someone pursues you and then rejects you. So, why was he into you and then rejected you?
There are many reasons why he pursued you and then rejected you, here are some of them;
1. He Found Someone Else
One of the most common reasons someone would pursue you, then reject you is if they found someone else.
Sometimes a guy is genuinely interested in you, but you took too long to make up your mind about dating him, and they found someone else during the chase.
When someone is actively looking for a relationship, they commonly approach several people.
So, if this is the case, he may pursue you and then reject you if you take too much time to make up your mind.
If this happens to you, know it is not anyone’s fault; maybe it was not meant to be.
2. He Is Over You
Sometimes a guy will pursue you because he is genuinely interested in you, but he got over you.
It is very common for women to take time to make up their minds about dating someone.
So, if he has been pursuing you for a long time, he may get over you before you make up your mind, and when you finally make up your mind, he is already over you.
You can have genuine feelings for someone, but the feelings may not last a long time; if this is the case, he will get over you before you make up your mind and reject you.
This is not your fault; the feelings just changed.
3. He thinks You Are Not Compatible
Compatibility is essential for a relationship to work. So, a guy may be interested in you, pursue you, find out you are incompatible, and reject you.
If, when pursuing you, he realizes you have different personalities, tastes, and values, he may reject you to get someone who he is more compatible with.
They say opposites attract, but how true is this in relationships and compatibility? However, according to psychologists, the idea that opposites attract us is a myth and does not work in real life.
According to Donn Byrne’s “Phantom S tranger technique,” all evidence suggests that opposites rarely attract.
So, if a guy pursues you and rejects you, he may have found you are incompatible. Do you have anything in common with him?
Do you have anything to talk about? What can you bond over? If you have no answers to these questions, then you may be too different from each other.
If a guy pursues you, then rejects you, he may have found out you are not compatible.
At first, your differences may have been intriguing because you have met a new and exciting person, but after a while, he realizes the relationship is not sustainable without anything in common.
4. You Are Too Negative
So, he has been pursuing you for a while, and you think he likes you, then rejects you, and you are at a loss. Sometimes a guy will pursue you and reject you if he thinks you are too negative.
People are different; you may be a pessimist while he is an optimist. Pessimists always see what could go wrong in most situations.
A guy may reject you if he feels you are too negative and does not want the negativity to rub off on him.
Moreover, he will be afraid to tell you you are negative because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and will instead reject you.
For instance, if you constantly moan about circumstances, talk about other people negatively, or complain about how bad life is, he may not want to be associated with you.
5. He Has Low-Self Esteem
Sometimes a guy will give you clear signs he likes you but reject you if he has esteem issues. You may have also shown him that you like him, which may have been too much for him.
If you express yourself and tell him how great he is, he will not believe you if he has self-esteem issues. He might think you are just saying it for the sake of it and don’t mean it.
It is sad when a guy pursues you, then rejects you because he has low self-esteem. Self-esteem issues can be deep and stem from childhood.
If the guy never got any affirmations when young or grew up in an environment where no one showed him love and affection, he may not believe he is worthy of love.
The guy will pursue you, then reject you because he is afraid of love but may not even recognize it.
6. He Thinks You Like Someone Else
A guy will pursue you, then reject you if he thinks you like someone else. Sometimes a guy will pursue you, then reject you if he sees you hanging out with someone and construct the narrative that you like the other guy.
His rejection may be a defense mechanism because he doesn’t want to get hurt when you reject him and go to the other guy, so he rejects you first.
Moreover, if you have mentioned another guy a few times, he may think you have a crush on that guy and will reject you because he doesn’t want to compete with another guy for your love.
In addition, a guy will pursue you and reject you if he thinks you have a boyfriend and doesn’t want to steal you from the boyfriend, real or imaginary.
It is a shame if he rejects you because of assumptions instead of asking if you are seeing someone else or like someone else.
7. He Fears Intimacy
A guy may pursue you, then reject you if he fears intimacy. Many people like the idea of love and being in a relationship but will be afraid of getting into a relationship because it entails being emotionally intimate and vulnerable.
Men, especially, fear vulnerability because they were conditioned to be strong from a young age.
So, if he pursues you, then rejects you, he may be afraid to be vulnerable with you because being in a relationship means opening up to someone, and they are not ready for that type of intimacy.
Psychologist Dr. Laura Davis says, “Some individuals may have a fear of emotional intimacy, which causes them to pursue someone initially but later retreat.”
Difficulties with vulnerability and commitment may lead him to pull away when he feels the relationship is getting serious.
8. You set Unrealistic Expectations
Sometimes a guy will pursue you, then reject you if he has unrealistic expectations of you.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you may have unrealistic expectations of what you want the relationship or your partner to be like.
Sometimes what we make up in our minds may not be what we get in real life. So, if he pursues you and rejects you, he may have had some expectations you did not live up to.
For instance, some men expect their partners to stay home and care for the kids. However, the partner may want to go to work after having kids, and in some cases, they may not want to have kids.
These expectations will make him reject you because if he gets into a relationship with you, he may hate you for not being what he expected you to be.
So, a person who pursues you may have unrealistic expectations about what they want in a partner.
When they get to know you better, they realize you are not what they had in mind and reject you.
9. He Had External Influences
Sometimes a guy will pursue you, then reject you if he has external influences. A guy may like you but his friends may tell him you are not the right girl for him.
Moreover, a guy may have family and societal pressures to not date a certain type of girl, and if you are his type, they will pursue you and reject you.
For instance, if you meet his friends and family, they may pressure him to leave you because you are not the right girl for him according to their standards.
The guy will reject you because they fear judgment from their family and friends.
10. Personal Growth And Self-Discovery
If a guy has an epiphany, he may reject you after pursuing you, to chase his personal growth.
If a guy has self-discovery when pursuing you, they may reject you because of their change in desires and personal preferences.
For instance, a guy may pursue you, then reject you if he discovers he is not right for you and wants to improve himself.
Moreover, he may want to pursue other goals and ambitions before he gets into a serious relationship.
Therapist Jennifer Moore explains that personal growth and self-discovery can lead to changes in a person’s desires and priorities.
When people evolve and gain new insights into themselves, they may realize that the relationship no longer aligns with their personal growth trajectory.
What To Do If He Pursues You Then Rejects You
When he pursues and rejects you, the best thing to do is move on with your life. It would help if you understood that rejection usually has nothing to do with you.
The best thing to do when someone pursues you, then rejects you is to move on and not spend time analyzing the situation, as you may only hurt yourself more.
Here are some other things you can do if he pursues you, then rejects you.
1. Feel Your Feelings
It hurts when someone pursues you, then rejects you. Your feelings are valid, and as much as you don’t want to dwell on the past, you should allow yourself to feel your feelings.
Give yourself time to feel the hurt and give yourself time to heal from the rejection.
Trust the process, it is okay to hurt, and you will heal. Take this time for self-care and be patient with yourself, and you will emerge stronger and better equipped to find a fulfilling, loving, and healthy relationship.
2. Avoid Self-Blame
When someone pursues you, then rejects you, you may want to blame yourself for the rejection. However, it is important to know their rejection is not a reflection of your worth or your fault, for that matter.
So, if he pursues you and then rejects you, avoid internalizing the rejection and maintain a positive self-image.
If a guy rejects you, you may think he rejected you because you are not good, pretty, or attractive enough.
Rejection is hurting, but it is not your fault and may not have anything to do with you; he could have rejected you to pursue personal growth, or he has low self-esteem or commitment issues.
3. Focus On Yourself
If a guy pursues you, then rejects you, it is time to focus on yourself. I know you may have liked this guy, and the rejection hurts but don’t dwell on it. Take the time to heal and do something for yourself.
Use the spare time you have to pursue your personal growth and ambitions. Do what you love and make yourself happy.
After a rejection, you may want to sink into self-pity but do not succumb to these feelings. As Miley Cyrus says in her song Flowers, you can love you better than he can. So, this is the time to love yourself.
So, go out with your friends, have fun, and go to the spa. This is the time to catch up on that movie you have been meaning to watch and go for that hike you have been postponing.
Focus on yourself and what makes you happy.
Rejection hurts, and when he pursues you, then rejects you, it will confuse you.
There are many reasons a guy will pursue you, then reject you; some include; he found someone else, is over you, or thinks you like someone else.
Moreover, if he feels you are incompatible, too negative, is afraid of intimacy, or has unrealistic expectations, he may pursue you, then reject you.
Additionally, if he has low self-esteem or has an epiphany and wants to concentrate on personal growth, he may reject you after pursuing you.
If this happens, you should know rejection is not a reflection of you as an individual and may have nothing to do with you.
If a guy pursues you and rejects you, you should feel your feelings, avoid self-blame and focus on yourself because no one can love you better than you can.
Photo by Yuri Catalano on pexels.com
Sarah Williams is an author at CandidHaven.com she is an expert in human psychology having graduated with an M.S. in Psychology.
Sarah has extensive experience in relationships and dating therapy having worked for over 6 years with different groups of people including teens, dating couples, and married people.
She is a lover of life, and self-development and believes everyone deserves to be in a fulfilling relationship. Sarah loves reading self-help books and doing research on human psychology.