Breakups are hard, and they are even harder when there are children. Co-parenting after a divorce or a breakup can be challenging, especially when emotions are running high.
While some people can navigate the mucky waters of co-parenting with respect and maturity, some struggle with jealousy and insecurity.
If you think your baby daddy is jealous, you may be right. There are clear signs of a jealous baby daddy that lead to unhealthy behaviors.
In this article, we will look at the signs of a jealous baby daddy. So, if you think your baby daddy is jealous, read on to learn more.
Signs Of A Jealous Baby Daddy
There are several signs of a jealous baby daddy, some of these include the following;
1. Excessive Monitoring
One of the primary signs of a jealous baby daddy is excessive monitoring. Most of the time, jealousy manifests in the uncontrollable urge to monitor your activities excessively.
If your baby daddy constantly asks about your whereabouts and plans, he is trying to monitor your activities.
Sometimes a jealous baby daddy will go as far as stalking you to know where you are going. They will stalk you on social media and even in real life.
For instance, he may follow you wherever you go to see what you are doing or ask someone else to follow you and report to him.
Therapist Jane Smith says, “A jealous co-parent might constantly check your social media or inquire about your whereabouts.”
So, if your baby daddy is more concerned about your whereabouts than he was when you were together, he is jealous and wants to keep tabs on you.
2. He Uses The Child As An Excuse To Show Up
A jealous baby daddy will use the child as an excuse to show up at your house unannounced. When you get into a new relationship, they will always show up with the excuse of seeing the child.
You should never use a child as a bargaining chip in relationships. However, it is one of the hooks a baby daddy uses to stay in your life and interrupt your new relationships.
If your baby daddy keeps showing up to your house with the excuse of seeing the kid when you get into a new relationship, he is a jealous baby daddy.
He is looking for ways to stay in your life because he may not be over you.
3. Constant Comparison
If you are dealing with a jealous baby daddy, he will constantly compare his parenting styles with yours.
According to him, nothing you do will be good enough for him. He will belittle your parenting style and decisions even in front of the kids, family, or friends.
A jealous baby daddy wants to show you they can do better than you in raising the kids. He will belittle your achievements as a parent, implying they can do better than you.
For instance, if you are co-parenting with a small potty-training child and you get the child to use it in two weeks, he will say he could have done it in one week.
To a jealous baby daddy, everything is a competition he has to win.
4. He Doesn’t Want To Hear Your New Partner Spending Time With His Child
If you are co-parenting with a jealous baby daddy, he will not want to hear that your new partner is spending time with his child.
Moving on before your baby daddy will complicate issues further because he doesn’t want to think of your family without him.
He thinks of your new boyfriend as a replacement father for your child, aggravating his jealousy.
If your baby daddy is over you, he will not mind if you move on with someone else. However, he will not want to hear your boyfriend spending time with his child if he is not.
It is normal for him to feel like he is missing out on spending time with his kid, but it is unfair to not want your new partner to spend time with them.
5. He Will Try To Sabotage Your New Relationships
If your baby daddy is jealous, he will try to sabotage your new relationship. You expect your ex to stay out of your life when you get into a new relationship after a divorce or a breakup.
However, if you are dealing with a jealous baby daddy, he may try to sabotage your new relationships. There are several signs he is trying to sabotage your relationship. They include;
He calls late at night, He shows up unannounced, He texts you a lot, He stalks you and He uses your friends to get to you.
If your baby daddy tries to sabotage your relationship, he either misses you or doesn’t want to see you happy.
For instance, my friend broke up with her baby daddy. Every time she tried to get into a new relationship, he would keep showing up unannounced in the name of seeing the child.
Mind you, he would not even call to check on the child when she was not in a relationship.
6. He Interferes With Your Parenting
Children need routine and authority. He is jealous if your baby daddy interferes with your parenting decisions and routines.
According to David Miller, a licensed counselor, jealousy can drive a co-parent to challenge your authority and undermine your parenting decisions.
So, if your baby daddy constantly contradicts your choices, he is jealous.
For instance, if he picks the kid to stay with them for a weekend, he should follow all the routines set in place. However, a jealous baby daddy will ignore the routines.
For example, if you have set rules on bedtime, snacks, and feeding times, he will disregard them and send the child into a spin.
He will feed the child snacks before dinner and let them stay up late. When you get the kids back, they will not want to stick to their previous routines.
If you tell them to go to bed, they say, “Daddy lets us go to bed late; he is more fun.”
He undermines your authority when he contradicts your parenting choices, as the kids will not want to follow the routines.
7. He Influences The Child Against You
A jealous baby daddy will alienate the kids from you. Dr. Emily Collins says jealousy may lead a parent to alienate the child from the other parent.
If you think your baby daddy is influencing your child against you, beware and look for signs.
A jealous baby daddy may start commenting negatively about you in front of the kids to influence them against you.
Some may even go to the extent of telling the kids you took them away from him because you are a bad mother.
For instance, I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship. The husband would hit her verbally, emotionally, and financially abuse her.
When she got the strength to leave, they would meet, and he would pick the child.
After a weekend with the dad, the kid would disobey the mum and, at one point, even told her she took him from his dad. He wanted to alienate the kid from the mother.
So, if you think your baby daddy is negatively influencing your child against you, maybe he is. He wants the kids to pick sides because he is jealous.
8. He Refuses To Cooperate
Lack of cooperation is a major sign of a jealous baby daddy. A jealous baby daddy will refuse to cooperate in raising the children. He will always prioritize other things and his own desires over the child’s needs.
For instance, he will refuse to send the designated child support funds to care for the children. He would rather go out with friends and drink the money than send it to help support the children.
Moreover, a jealous baby daddy will refuse to take the kids on the designated days. If you have an emergency, you cannot count on him to look after the kids.
What To Do If Your Baby Daddy Is Jealous
Co-parenting is hard enough without having a jealous baby daddy. So, if your baby daddy is jealous, you want to know how to change the situation. Some of the things you can do if you have a jealous baby daddy include;
1. Talk To Him
Have a serious conversation with your baby daddy about his jealousy. Keep things as amicable as possible when you talk to him, as you don’t want to aggravate the situation.
Tell him how his jealousy affects your life and your child’s. For instance, show him how it is unhealthy for future relationships if he keeps monitoring you and popping up unannounced.
2. Put Your Child First
Your child should be your number priority. No matter the drama with your baby daddy, you should always prioritize your child’s needs.
No matter his feelings for you or your new relationship, the child should always come first to both of you.
Therefore, neither of you should use the child as a pawn to hurt the other, as it will negatively affect the child.
3. Don’t Play His Games
Sometimes a jealous baby daddy will do things just to annoy you and get a reaction. Maintain your cool. I know it is easier said than done but remain calm.
If your baby daddy is stalking you and bugging you over calls and texts, stop replying to them. If you don’t get involved in his games, he will not have control over the situation.
4. Set Clear Boundaries
When dealing with a jealous baby daddy, it is important to set clear boundaries. Tell him what is and is not acceptable.
For instance, you may need to tell him not to call at certain times unless he has the child and it is an emergency.
Setting boundaries may mean blocking him on social media and not having the same friends or not texting and calling all the time.
Moreover, when setting boundaries, it is crucial to stop anything else that feels off to you. It would be best if you also put clear consequences for crossing the boundaries.
Conclusion
Co-parenting is hard, especially when dealing with a jealous baby daddy. However, some people can navigate co-parenting without a hitch if they don’t have jealous baby daddies.
If you think your baby daddy is jealous, here are some signs to look out for; he is excessively monitoring you, constantly comparing, using the child as an excuse to show up unannounced, or trying to sabotage new relationships.
Moreover, if your baby daddy is jealous, he will not want your new boyfriend to spend time with his child; he will influence the child against you, refuse to cooperate, and interfere with your parenting.
If you have a jealous baby daddy, talk to him, set clear boundaries, always put your child first, and don’t play his games.
Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-father-caring-for-his-daughter-6321625/